Why do parents give you a weird look when you ask about their technology rules in their house?

[Anonymous]

I am trying to come out with a plan/ system for my kids, 8 & 10. It's same kind of weirdness if I ask what camps they are doing this summer? I need help with setting up a family system (checking texts, emails, instagrams). Re camps, I had wanted my kids to have a friend to go with. So .. what are your house rules regarding phone, iPod, iPad usage. if I take away one for a consequence, I end up taking all of them away versus one and this has been a disaster. Help!

[Anonymous]

We're more casual and less studied in our parenting. We don't necessarily have formalized rules for every situation worked out in advance. I have some basic ones about gun safety, curfews, etc. but if you asked me about my tech rules it would be a bit like asking me for a five year plan or a state of the union address or something. We just don't work like that.

[Anonymous]

Here are the options:

1. You are imagining the weird look because you are sensitive and insecure.

2. You are coming off too strong and getting a weird look because your social skills aren't the best.


I have asked the camp question and people respond very naturally. It's actually the first question people ask each other when there's a group of parents together!

The tech thing is a bit more unusual but should not elicit a weird look either.

So please refer to options 1 and 2 and decide which it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're more casual and less studied in our parenting. We don't necessarily have formalized rules for every situation worked out in advance. I have some basic ones about gun safety, curfews, etc. but if you asked me about my tech rules it would be a bit like asking me for a five year plan or a state of the union address or something. We just don't work like that.

+1 I would have been a little surprised to be asked this. We don't have many formal rules either. I think our only rule would be re technology is that we don't use phones at the table. But, I'd be hard pressed to come up with any other ones.

[Anonymous]

I think it's because people will feel judged. There is quite a big range of acceptable tech rules -- some families have very strict rules (30 minutes on weekends, no weekdays, for example) and others have very relaxed rules (just don't bother me when playing video games) so it's one of those things people don't like to say.

But you should talk about it. I talk to my friends about it even when it is revealed to be a lot different than mine. Keep in mind also my kids always tell me I have the strictest rules ever --- so it's helpful to know that simply isn't true.

My rules are for teenagers so doesn't apply to you probably -- but they are

don't abuse the texting - if you do, you lose your phone

all electronics are to be plugged in to be charged in the evenings in the kitchen

no phones at meals

don't screw up social media.

[Anonymous]

Are you asking before you allow playdates or because you want ideas for your own rules?

[Anonymous]

My 10 year old doesn't have all that stuff. I think rules for multiple devices don't exist in most houses for kids this age. Because they might have an iPad.

Common sense media has good rules that you could look at and get guidance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am trying to come out with a plan/ system for my kids, 8 & 10. It's same kind of weirdness if I ask what camps they are doing this summer? I need help with setting up a family system (checking texts, emails, instagrams). Re camps, I had wanted my kids to have a friend to go with. So .. what are your house rules regarding phone, iPod, iPad usage. if I take away one for a consequence, I end up taking all of them away versus one and this has been a disaster. Help!

What would merit taking away a device in your household?

It would be weird if, for example, you took away a device because one sibling hit another. The two wouldn't have anything to do with each other.

[Anonymous]

As others have said people may not have an immediate response if they just figure everything out as they go (as we have) - it is just sort of an "uh..." moment.

[Anonymous]

You are asking really good friends or acquaintances?

[Anonymous]

We have an 8 year old. Only allowed to text family. We don't limit as I don't care, especially when Dad is traveling. I only require workbook. No online posting/pictures.

[Anonymous]

Definitely no electronics during meals.

I'm trying to enforce an no-electronics time after 8 pm (so 1 hour before bedtime), but DS likes to read on his Kindle so we compromise on that.

Phone and computer are also downstairs after 8 pm.

DS just got email (he's 11), so that is installed on my phone so I can monitor things for the next year or so.

Will need to figure out monitoring when he starts to texts or use texting-apps.

[Anonymous]

Because most people assume that 10 years into parenting you can figure out yourself how to set rules for your family. Nobody needs hand holding for instagram.

[Anonymous]

1. People feel you are judging them
2. People feel you are judging them because "technology rules" aren't necessary in their home

[Anonymous]

I'd probably give you a confused look as my kids don't have phones at 9 and 10 and your kid certainly isn't coming over to play on our home computer. Kids play outside, its summer!