Night owl teenager

[Anonymous]

My 14 year old refuses to go to bed at a decent hour. Some nights it's midnight some nights she doesn't sleep at all. She fights bedtime every single night. I wouldn't care, but she gets super emotional and crabby on the days she can't sleep in and ruins the day for everyone else. We have talked about how not sleeping affects her, discussed different way to relax i the evening, went over the importance of sleep and health benefits, at this point I think it's pure stubbornness. She rolls her eyes and dismisses my attempts. It's out of control, and I'm not sure what to do. She is a smart girl, very respectful to everyone else, and when no crabby she's a joy to be around.

[Anonymous]

Have her take a nap. I am like that and sometimes nap. I cannot fall asleep before midnight or I wake up in the middle of the night for a few hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have her take a nap. I am like that and sometimes nap. I cannot fall asleep before midnight or I wake up in the middle of the night for a few hours.

Frankly, as a mother of a 13 year old, I think this is a bad idea.

Napping is not the solution. Self-discipline, which we as parents are supposed to be teaching our kids, involves creating structure. Part of structure means a set bed time and wake-up time. A 14 year old is not an adult like you are PP with the luxury of deciding she is "like that" and so, throw up your hands and accept it.

OP, I think you need to get to the bottom of this, as to why she is harming herself in this way. (Because really, that's what she is doing.) If it's stubbornness, that needs to be dealt with as you would any other defiant behavior.

[Anonymous]

Since you've tried talking to her, maybe it is time to go drastic.

What does she do when she is staying up late?

If it is electronics or internet, you can easily take those away at a normal hour.

Get rid of the snacks, collect the remotes/video game controllers, so there's nothing to do but go to sleep.

[Anonymous]

My DD is like this and has honestly been like this since she was very little. Her circadian rhythms are just different. It is very hard for her to fall asleep before 1 a.m., especially since she's gets very creative and energetic around 11 p.m., like a second wind.

She eats very healthy, she's a dancer, and she loves to draw and write. I could take away all the electronics and maybe even all of her drawing stuff, and she would still be practicing dance moves in her room, or even just coloring in one of her adult coloring books. I used to even force her to do lights-out and she would lay awake tossing and turning for hours.

It began to be a real problem, however, when she began developing depression in 7th grade, and she was getting less and less sleep (often staying up too late doing HW in a magnet program). She was waking up nauseous every single day and I could tell it was from a lack of sleep – it was happening on weekends too when she would do sleepovers and stay up all night.

We started working on a plan such that she was up at a reasonable hour every day, even on weekends, and then we started giving her a tiny dose of melatonin (5 mg). It made her sleepy within half an hour of taking it, and I started making sure she was in bed no later than 11:30. Pretty soon she stopped needing it.

The toughest part was actually preventing her from coming home exhausted from school and taking a nap – a huge no-no, so definitely don't start that cycle! She would want to nap for three hours and then she felt like being up until 1 a.m. Did not want to start that up again.

Some days it is still very difficult. During the summer, I have let things go a bit. But it has never gone back to being quite as extreme as it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have her take a nap. I am like that and sometimes nap. I cannot fall asleep before midnight or I wake up in the middle of the night for a few hours.

Frankly, as a mother of a 13 year old, I think this is a bad idea.

Napping is not the solution. Self-discipline, which we as parents are supposed to be teaching our kids, involves creating structure. Part of structure means a set bed time and wake-up time. A 14 year old is not an adult like you are PP with the luxury of deciding she is "like that" and so, throw up your hands and accept it.

OP, I think you need to get to the bottom of this, as to why she is harming herself in this way. (Because really, that's what she is doing.) If it's stubbornness, that needs to be dealt with as you would any other defiant behavior.

I napped as a teen. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

I have the wifi set to turn off between midnight and 5am.

[Anonymous]

Why would a high school student need a set "bedtime" and "wake up time" in the summer? Tell her you'll leave her alone about "bedtime" as long as she's responsible enough to get to bed a little earlier on days where she can't sleep in. If you consider 7 or 8 a.m.. to be "sleeping in" and the kid doesn't have a job, a camp or something to wake up for, you might want to re-think your idea of "sleeping in."

For many teens, being a "night owl" is perfectly normal and in sync with their natural circadian rhythms. You can't force someone to be a morning person.

During the two weeks of summer, I usually make my night owl teen set his alarm a little earlier each day to get him prepared for the 6:30 wakeup time for the school year. However, he never fully adjusts to getting up at 6:30, Kudos, I guess, for the parents who are tucking in their HS juniors at 9 p.m.

[Anonymous]

My ex-husband is a night owl, and so is my oldest daughter (I swear she's his clone). As long as she wakes up for school and keeps her grades decent (she is dyslexic and has an IEP), I don't worry about it. She gets enough sleep for her, and I'm not her. She doesn't ruin the day for everyone else, though, because she goes in her room and makes bracelets or paints and watches anime if she's a little crabby.

[Anonymous]

i'm sorry but at 14 her brain and body are still developing, its completely irresponsible to let her stay up all hours. She should have a bed time just like during the school year, even if its only an hour or 90 mins later than usual - or this random not sleeping through the night will likely make her ill. Its certainly having a psychological effect already.

[Anonymous]

Has she always been a night owl, even as a younger kid, or is this a new thing with adolescence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i'm sorry but at 14 her brain and body are still developing, its completely irresponsible to let her stay up all hours. She should have a bed time just like during the school year, even if its only an hour or 90 mins later than usual - or this random not sleeping through the night will likely make her ill. Its certainly having a psychological effect already.

OP can set a bedtime, but OP cannot make OP's daughter sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have her take a nap. I am like that and sometimes nap. I cannot fall asleep before midnight or I wake up in the middle of the night for a few hours.

Frankly, as a mother of a 13 year old, I think this is a bad idea.

Napping is not the solution. Self-discipline, which we as parents are supposed to be teaching our kids, involves creating structure. Part of structure means a set bed time and wake-up time. A 14 year old is not an adult like you are PP with the luxury of deciding she is "like that" and so, throw up your hands and accept it.

OP, I think you need to get to the bottom of this, as to why she is harming herself in this way. (Because really, that's what she is doing.) If it's stubbornness, that needs to be dealt with as you would any other defiant behavior.

I napped as a teen. No big deal.

It isn't a big deal, unless it interferes with things. My son is actually pretty busy right after school with sports, a club, or meeting up with a friend at the library to work on a school project. I would not recommend a daily nap unless your child is committed to being a loner.

A nap on occasion is one of the great joys of life. You can't make a person sleep, but you can work on creating good habits regarding sleep.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex-husband is a night owl, and so is my oldest daughter (I swear she's his clone). As long as she wakes up for school and keeps her grades decent (she is dyslexic and has an IEP), I don't worry about it. She gets enough sleep for her, and I'm not her. She doesn't ruin the day for everyone else, though, because she goes in her room and makes bracelets or paints and watches anime if she's a little crabby.

That sounds fine. And a good solution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have her take a nap. I am like that and sometimes nap. I cannot fall asleep before midnight or I wake up in the middle of the night for a few hours.

Frankly, as a mother of a 13 year old, I think this is a bad idea.

Napping is not the solution. Self-discipline, which we as parents are supposed to be teaching our kids, involves creating structure. Part of structure means a set bed time and wake-up time. A 14 year old is not an adult like you are PP with the luxury of deciding she is "like that" and so, throw up your hands and accept it.

OP, I think you need to get to the bottom of this, as to why she is harming herself in this way. (Because really, that's what she is doing.) If it's stubbornness, that needs to be dealt with as you would any other defiant behavior.

My goodness. Do you overreact to everything in life, or just kids taking naps? My 15 yr. old son takes a nap right after school, if he's not staying after for an activity. THEY ARE EXHAUSTED. If he comes home on time, he gets here around 3:30, has a snack, relaxes for a bit, and usually winds up sleeping - hard - until dinner. I don't wake him up. He desperately needs the sleep, after waking up each day at 6:15 and growing. After dinner, he's a new person and gets to work on his homework. He goes to bed around midnight, regardless of having a nap, so clearly his body needs the extra sleep.

I used to do the same thing in middle and high school - I'm still a big napper, if I have the chance.

As for the other PP who said your child will be "a loner" if they nap after school - what on earth?? All of my son's friends crash when they get home from school, if they don't have other activities that day. These are growing teens - and *none* of them are loners. I say, good for them for listening to their bodies, instead of constantly having the "go-go-go, keep busy every second of the day" mentality.