Are you a better parent than your parent?

[Anonymous]

I am pretty sure I am (but that's because I had a really abusive childhood). But for those who came from normal households, do you feel like you're doing a better job than your parents in raising your kids? If so, why? If no, why not?

[Anonymous]

Hi , I didn't have a perfect childhood but I do have two parents that did their best and tried hard. There was physical and mental abuse from my Mom. But I have gone through therapy and she and I have discussed the abuse and made some level of amends.

Because of the abuse, I am more lenient and am not big on discipline. I think I've leaned too much in the opposite way...

I don't want my kids to be spoiled. So I need to find a middle ground. Opps my baby is crying. Got to go.

Bottomline: I think parenting is hard and I want to be the best parent I can be.

[Anonymous]

I come from a slightly dysfunctional family -- alcoholic (but not abusive) father, fantastic mother. A "normal" household, though, in the sense that my parents are still married and my dad has been sober now for more than 20 years.

I hope I am as good a parent as my mother in the sense that she always made me feel loved no matter what -- I always tell DS that I don't like what he did, but I still love him very much.

I think I am slightly better in the sense that I have more of a partner in DH -- I am not trying to do it mostly alone, so I have more energy and resources at my disposal. I also think I have spent more time thinking about things like nutrition and fast food and helping DS to make healthy food choices from an early age. I am also more focused on exercising and being healthy as a mother, in the hopes of modeling a healthy lifestyle for DS. My mom was active and made meals for me -- we had the fabled family dinner most nights of the week -- but there was no focus on exercise or healthy eating (as opposed to just making sure that some fruit and some vegetable were represented at dinner).

I think I am worse than my mom in the sense that I did not minor in home ec in college, and I struggle with meal planning and cooking. DS gets balanced meals, but sometimes he gets the same (or substantially the same) meal two or three nights in a row. I am also guilty of repeating meals from week to week. My mom was good at putting different things on the table night after night (even though I ate fruit cocktail with high fructose corn syrup, etc.). So I am working to find a balance between healthy and variety . . . .

[Anonymous]

Definitely. But this doesn't say much as my mom was terrible at it.

[Anonymous]

1,500%, but that might be a bit of an understatement. As a parent now, I actually don't know how my parents were able to look themselves in the eye when they brushed their teeth in the evening. I am not perfect- no where near it since I was born without the patience gene and my toddler actually enjoys pushing my buttons- but I strive to be better. There is a lot to be said about that.

[Anonymous]

No. But I will keep trying.

I hope my daughter and I have a similar kind of relationship my mom and I have.

[Anonymous]

In some ways yes, in other ways no.

[Anonymous]

My parents ruled the home more. I can't say who's right yet.

[Anonymous]

In terms of health, there is no comparison (they smoked and cooked in fat, we did breastmilk, then organic plus exercise). Both our fathers were hands-off to the point of absence (those times, I guess); DH comes home early all summer to swim with DC! We both remember some trying physical punishments, but realize we are as strict with DC (though not physically) as our parents were with us. In terms of love, there is no difference.

[Anonymous]

No way. My parents rock!

[Anonymous]

Yes. My parents hated each other and denied to themselves that this had any effect on us.

Mom did a lot well, but the ill will overwhelmed everything.

[Anonymous]

My mom was a brilliant mother. My dad was great too. But my mom was the best. (She still is.) They raised 4 kids, and I think my mom was MUCH better at it than I am.

[Anonymous]

I strive to be better - not because my parents were horrible - but because I think it's human nature to just want to give your kids the best and improve upon what you had

I guess my goal is to improve on things that were "bad". My parents laid out some very unhealthy food habits (eat everything you want, and then starve yourself to diet, happiness tied to food, I was constantly told I was chubby but yelled out if I didn't clean my plate) and I did develop an eating disorder, but let's face it, I can't really put all the blame for that on them. But I do strive to make food less of an issue in my house. I don't want holidays revolving around food. I have the "you aren't hungry, don't eat attitude", I focus on providing healthy options but allowing moderation of "junky" food, and I hope to never go on some crazy diet in front of my kid.

And I hope to be MUCH better at making my child do chores. I won that battle with my mom and I think I'm a worse person for it.

But I'm guessing in the long-run I'll be better at some things and worse with others.

[Anonymous]

both my parents suck! They would be thrown in jail in todays world. Hell yes I am a better parent. I will not even let my children meet them. As far as they are concern, they are dead

[Anonymous]

Yes, and I think it's mostly because I was over 10 years older when I had my child than my mother was when she had me.

My parents were well-intentioned, but certainly made their share of mistakes. I am working hard to be more patient with my child, to snap less, and to show true unconditional love.