Are you a better parent than your parent?

[Anonymous]

I am more affectionate but I am not a better parent because I don't work half as hard as my mother and father did. I'm too self-centered and self-indulgent.

[Anonymous]

My mom is a WAY better mother than me. I'm way too selfish-- I love to get away to the gym, go get a pedi, etc. She never did those things.

[Anonymous]

Nope! I come from what was a pretty normal family back in the day. Grew up in the midwest, went to public schools. Dad worked. Mom quit her teaching job to stay home with us. No divorces, no abuse, no substance issues or family rifts. There was enough money to meet our needs and some of our wants, but we definitely weren't rich, probably middle-middle class.

My daughter's father and I aren't together, but we both make a decent living, and as long as she stays an only child, we should be able to raise her with a lot of the material stuff I didn't really get to have. It's nice to know that she'll be able to wear new clothes that are in style, vs. some of the hand-me-downs I got stuck with. And I feel like I'm maybe a little less rigid than my mom was, so the relationship might be less antagonistic when she's a teenager.

I do feel some guilt that she'll grow up without a mother and father in the same house - I think that would have been a better way to raise her. (not my fault/decision, unfortunately.) I also feel some guilt that I have to work full-time; staying home isn't an option. I changed my career path and took a lower-paying job with fewer hours so I get more time with her; hopefully that's enough.

[Anonymous]

Different, yes. Better, no. Parenting is not a competition. As a parent to two toddlers, I am more grateful now than ever before to have had the two parents I had. My mom and dad were models of integrity and hard work; they made tremendous sacrifices to give my five siblings and me opportunities for success in this world. They loved and encouraged us all the while teaching us to become self-sufficient and independent. There are no perfect parents certainly, but I feel pretty blessed to have been raised in the family I was born into.

[Anonymous]

I know that I'm a better parent, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to raise better children. My mom was literally home, maybe 8 hours a week. She spent much of her time at her boyfriend's place and left my brothers and I to fend for ourselves. She'd buy food once a week, etc. I am actually very grateful that she wasn't there, because I know that when she was (when she and bf were fighting, for instance), she was impossible to be around.

Fast forward 30 years, I am a very independent, compassionate individual, which I believe comes from learning from my mom's mistakes (being too reliant on men) and having empathy for the loners and outcasts (which I was), and I have a finely atuned bs meter. I don't think I would have been the same if I was raised in a different manner.

I hope that in raising my sons I am able to teach them the compassion components, but I am not so sure that they will obtain the bs meter and independence skills to the extent I did while under my guidance.

[Anonymous]

My DD is only 13 months but I'm already thinking about the things I will do differently, and in my opinion, better than my mother.

I will not focus on DD's physical appearance. My mom always made comments about my legs (which are slightly bowed) and to this day I still can't wear shorts without feeling self-concious.

I will also be more demonstrative of my love to her. My mom didn't tell me she loved me to my face until I was 16 and showed her how to do it. She rarely ever hugged me either. I know she loved me but she never told me, and 16 years without hearing that is a long time.

I will also do everything in my power to not be a burden to DD and to never make her feel responsible for my happiness. I have supported my mom since I was 18 when she divorced my stepfather (she was a SAHM who never worked and had no skills). On top of that she suffers from depression and refuses to get on medication or therapy. She's the most unhappy person I know, and I worry about her all the time.

[Anonymous]

I am a new parent - DD is almost 9 mo. I only pray I can be as good as my parents. They were/are amazing parents. Big shoes to fill.

That said, everyone makes mistakes and I hope I learn from the mistakes they made. For example, my parents were very naive and thought if we had problems we would come and talk to them. My brother and I didn't. My brother struggled for some time (without their knowledge) with a move we made from OH to another state when he was going into the 4th grade. It was a hard transition, but my brother hid it well. My parents really regret that they didn't ask more questions.

Also, my mom never discussed sex with me. again, she figured I would ask when I had questions. I did ask - just not her. I sought the advice of an "experienced"cousin. Not good.

So, there are certain aspects I hope to improve on - but I hope the overall general result is the same. I hope my child (children if we have more) grows up healthy, secure, with a great self esteem, generous, compassionate, and a 100% knowledge that she is loved.

[Anonymous]

I THINK that I am a better parent, but the results of my parenting will not be evident for some time. My own upbringing was ... fine. My parents were happily married, comfortably middle-class, I always knew I was loved, but yet I don't really get warm, fuzzy feelings about the way I was raised. My parents are from another culture, and I always felt very "other" as a child. We lived a very different lifestyle than many of my peers - I grew up in a retail establishment, went to a religious school whose religion we weren't members of, they were VERY strict and did not allow me to go to many gatherings with my peers... I seem to remember my childhood with a large dose of malaise. I hope that at the very least, my son has a few fond childhood memories.

[Anonymous]

I think they were great and they had a 40 year happy marriage that ended when my father passed away, I try to be a good mom like my mom and a good wife but sometimes I really can not.