Would you wait to change jobs based on wanting to have a baby??

[Anonymous]

I'm feeling torn whether to continue to pursue a new job or to stay for another year and go for a baby (I want a baby and the job but I can't have both right now).

I've been in my job 4 years and I'm pretty comfortable in it! I qualify for FMLA, I know exactly what they would do if I pump, I know that while my supervisor grumbles--I can take my leave. There's never any real question whether my leave will be approved. My supervisor is flexible with me using flex-time to change my schedule as needed and is flexible with my daily schedule. It is no issue if I have a bad morning with my toddler and am late --I just stay late to make up the time. I am able to stay home with my toddler when he is sick as I get plenty of sick leave. I know that I can pretty much count on a 2-3% raise annually. It is a stressful job but I am also given a lot of freedom in my work and I do it well. I've made a good name for myself and have built up contacts.

I have gone through a few different interviews for various local positions that didn't pan out the past few months. I know if that if I am to advance in my career then I need to leave my agency. I am interviewing tomorrow for a job in a much bigger agency that could mean a 10% raise and I should get my same accrual rate for leave as it is with the local/state government. The supervisor seems nice and called me the day after the first interview to tell me how impressed she was with me and how they filled the 1st position internally but strongly encouraged me to apply for a similar position (more of a lateral move vs vertical). I don't know what their policies on pumping are, I don't know how they are on actually TAKING leave except that I can't take any for the 1st 6 months. There is a shorter commute too by about 10-20 min depending on the day.

I am stressing about this because it is a good job opportunity but I've been planning to start TTC THIS MONTH for about a year. For many reasons, we want to at least TRY for a spring-summer baby but I also really want to be covered by FMLA and I plan to take the full 12 weeks. I have anxiety and it is very important to me to take the full 12 weeks. It means aiming for roughly a 3 year age gap vs a 4 year age gap if I wait an additional year....I would prefer the just under 3 year age gap if we can which would mean trying....basically right now/next week. I have pretty intense baby fever right now and have had it for 6+ months. I'm ready for a 2nd baby and I really want my child to have a sibling.

I know I'm stressing more than I should and this is a loaded question but what would you do in my situation? BTW, I am only 29 and got pregnant with my 1st on my 1st try but my Mom had huge issues getting pregnant with me and my sisters and had to use fertility treatments both times and I really would like to avoid a huge age gap like I had between me and my sister.

Is there anyway I can "have it all" with the new job, baby, and 12 weeks maternity leave?? :/

[Anonymous]

Don't make TTC decisions based on your career until you have an actual career decision to make. Maybe you don't get the job - you won't be upset that you started TTC. Maybe you do get the job - if you are already pregnant, then you disclose and work out your leave as part of your hiring negotiation. If you aren't pregnant yet AND you get the job - THEN you have a decision to make.

But you are getting ahead of yourself.

[Anonymous]

I'm trying to stay at my current job until after my first kid because we have an insanely generous maternity policy -- 4.5 months or 5 months if you have a c-section. So for me that's a huge bonus over any other place I could look to work right now. I'm not sure that in your case it makes such a difference -- they have to give you the time off but you aren't sure if they'll be grudging about it or fine with it (and you say that your current boss already grumbles but grants leave. I don't see how the next place could be any worse, in that case?).

They have to let you pump, and I don't think it makes sense to worry that a bigger agency won't have sane maternity policies in place, including pumping. The supervisor likes you and invited you to apply, so you're already in a better position than most job applicants when it comes to negotiating at hiring if you're on the edge of the 6-month no-leave zone.

You say you have anxiety and I think it's showing in your reasoning here -- there's no real downside to applying for the better/ better-paying job. Start TTC and keep applying for better jobs.

[Anonymous]

As someone who recently started a new job and started TTC-ing, I can say that I wish I had stayed at my old job. The maternity leave is not as generous at the new place and honestly, the job isn't as described. It's been a really awful transition and I was at a pretty stressful job before, so I thought, how much worse can it get. Newsflash, it can always be worse. TTCing is no joke and having some stability will serve you well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who recently started a new job and started TTC-ing, I can say that I wish I had stayed at my old job. The maternity leave is not as generous at the new place and honestly, the job isn't as described. It's been a really awful transition and I was at a pretty stressful job before, so I thought, how much worse can it get. Newsflash, it can always be worse. TTCing is no joke and having some stability will serve you well.

Same thing happened to me. Started new job. It was awful. Paused TTC for a few months so I would be eligible for their leave, then got pregnant and took 4 months of paid leave (starting once I had been there 14 months). I WORKED my network and got a new job while on maternity leave. Never went back. Is that ideal? No. But there was no way I could have done that job with two kids. NO WAY.

[Anonymous]

I think I'm definitely ahead of myself but only realistically like by a day or two! They had called me within 24 hours of the 1st interview and have shared that they've made a decision within a few hours. I could possibly be offered the job tomorrow at the interview since the supervisor already really likes me and I am extremely qualified.

I have heard great things about this unit but I know that things can always get worse. I guess I should just see tomorrow how I feel about the job and see what benefits they will offer, if they offer me the job! I will never have enough leave to cover 12 weeks maternity leave at either job and they won't be giving me 12 weeks unpaid if I'm not covered by FMLA. I accrue 8 hours annual leave and 10 sick leave a month right now but my annual leave will be increasing in 1 year at my 5 year mark to 10 hours a month which is important to me! I'm not allowed to accrue comp time anymore. I am the primary bread-winner by carrying all the benefits. The new job I would only accrue 8 hours annual leave and 8 hours sick leave. The annual leave would go up over time- hopefully at my 5 year mark with the state to 12 hours but the sick leave never will so I will actually have accrued less leave in the next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to stay at my current job until after my first kid because we have an insanely generous maternity policy -- 4.5 months or 5 months if you have a c-section. So for me that's a huge bonus over any other place I could look to work right now. I'm not sure that in your case it makes such a difference -- they have to give you the time off but you aren't sure if they'll be grudging about it or fine with it (and you say that your current boss already grumbles but grants leave. I don't see how the next place could be any worse, in that case?).

They have to let you pump, and I don't think it makes sense to worry that a bigger agency won't have sane maternity policies in place, including pumping. The supervisor likes you and invited you to apply, so you're already in a better position than most job applicants when it comes to negotiating at hiring if you're on the edge of the 6-month no-leave zone.

You say you have anxiety and I think it's showing in your reasoning here -- there's no real downside to applying for the better/ better-paying job. Start TTC and keep applying for better jobs.

I KNOW my supervisor will give me the 12 weeks unpaid off and I have my STD in place and I know my leave rate will increase in 1 year which will be great. I like the stability of my job, knowing it and feeling comfortable with it. They were really awful with the pumping....eventually we worked it out but it was degrading the way my agency treated me! I ended up having to take extra unpaid breaks to properly pump and wasn't allowed to pump while working (even with a cover or with the door closed) because it grossed my boss out. Ultimately, I still pumped until 14 months post-partum and am still nursing my 2 year old (weaning is not going well) but I guess I know what to expect now. My anxiety is getting the best of me.

[Anonymous]

I'll offer a differing perspective. I decided (for all the reasons you outline in your OP) to stay put while I ttc'd and was pregnant, with the intention of finding a job after I was back to my normal self after having DD. Well, I'm 6 months postpartum now and I'm so tired and run ragged, looking for a new job is nowhere near being a priority for me. My job still sucks, I'm still massively underpaid, but I'll be damned if I can find the energy to go job hunting right now. I wish I'd looked for a new job before DD arrived when I had time and energy to pursue it.

Plenty of employers will negotiate allowing you to take 12 weeks off after the birth of a child (even if it's unpaid) during the hiring process, even if you don't qualify for FMLA due to being there less than a year.

[Anonymous]

To each their own, but my mom (and 1 grandmother) also had fertility issues, so for that reason I didn't want to wait to have kids. I planned work around what I wanted to do re: having more kids rather than planning when to have kids around what would work for work. I'm climbing the career ladder much slower as a result, but I am happy with my choices. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll offer a differing perspective. I decided (for all the reasons you outline in your OP) to stay put while I ttc'd and was pregnant, with the intention of finding a job after I was back to my normal self after having DD. Well, I'm 6 months postpartum now and I'm so tired and run ragged, looking for a new job is nowhere near being a priority for me. My job still sucks, I'm still massively underpaid, but I'll be damned if I can find the energy to go job hunting right now. I wish I'd looked for a new job before DD arrived when I had time and energy to pursue it.

Plenty of employers will negotiate allowing you to take 12 weeks off after the birth of a child (even if it's unpaid) during the hiring process, even if you don't qualify for FMLA due to being there less than a year.

I responded immediately above this, but I think this would be fine too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll offer a differing perspective. I decided (for all the reasons you outline in your OP) to stay put while I ttc'd and was pregnant, with the intention of finding a job after I was back to my normal self after having DD. Well, I'm 6 months postpartum now and I'm so tired and run ragged, looking for a new job is nowhere near being a priority for me. My job still sucks, I'm still massively underpaid, but I'll be damned if I can find the energy to go job hunting right now. I wish I'd looked for a new job before DD arrived when I had time and energy to pursue it.

Plenty of employers will negotiate allowing you to take 12 weeks off after the birth of a child (even if it's unpaid) during the hiring process, even if you don't qualify for FMLA due to being there less than a year.

If I could negotiate for 12 weeks unpaid leave and have a new job then I think I would want that! I think the work would probably be less stressful for me.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I think you are overthinking this. As somebody who has unexpectedly struggled with infertility, I can tell you that it's not wise to plan your life around TTC because not everything goes as planned. If you want to leave your job and find an acceptable offer elsewhere, then do it. If you are happy in your job and think you can handle staying another 2-3 years, then stay! Even if you conceived tomorrow and accepted the job, then divulged about 3 months later that you're pregnant, I can tell you that most employers are going to work with you regarding maternity leave even if you aren't guaranteed FMLA. It's cheaper for them to offer you unpaid leave for a few mos vs. open source your position again. Unexpected things happen to people all the time - we hired a guy who, a month in, found out he had cancer and was out for the next 6mos on chemo. Life happens and so does pregnancy. Make the career move that is going to make you happiest in the long run.

[Anonymous]

My last boss told me something really valuable:

"No one hires a women between the ages of 25 and 45 without knowing this is a definite possibility."

[Anonymous]

I'm going to obviously wait and see what happens tomorrow but I think I might just go for the job AND the baby.....the pay raise would be amazing if I can get it, the opportunities for advancement, and I've dealt with shitty bosses...who were men and discriminated against me and shamed me as a nursing mother so my supervisor could be more supportive!!

I think we'll go for both!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll offer a differing perspective. I decided (for all the reasons you outline in your OP) to stay put while I ttc'd and was pregnant, with the intention of finding a job after I was back to my normal self after having DD. Well, I'm 6 months postpartum now and I'm so tired and run ragged, looking for a new job is nowhere near being a priority for me. My job still sucks, I'm still massively underpaid, but I'll be damned if I can find the energy to go job hunting right now. I wish I'd looked for a new job before DD arrived when I had time and energy to pursue it.

Plenty of employers will negotiate allowing you to take 12 weeks off after the birth of a child (even if it's unpaid) during the hiring process, even if you don't qualify for FMLA due to being there less than a year.

Just as another perspective, I also did exactly what PP above described. At about 6-7 months postpartum, I finally felt able to start my job search again. When the baby was about 10 months, I interviewed for a perfect job, and started it right after the baby's first birthday. The timing couldn't have worked better, because by that point I was fully on my game again and ready to tackle new challenges. Looking back, I'm very glad I did not wind up with any of the opportunities I had been pursuing during my time ttc'ing and pregnancy, as it was significantly easier for me to go back to a job where I'd already built up years of credibility. All that said, I recognize I was lucky that TTC'ing didn't take long for me.