Fiancé doesn't want to live more than 15 mins from family.
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Anonymous
| His mom, grandma, and 3 aunts (with their husbands and kids) all live in the same neighborhood. It's really nice however it's kind of odd. I like the whole family but it's weird when I am over at his parents house and one of his aunts walks in the front door. It's like there's no privacy and they all keep their doors unlocked at all times. My family lives 45 mins away from his family. I don't really want to live super close to my family and I also want to try out other areas of the country (and maybe the world) before settling on a place. He is completely refusing to live more than 15-20 mins from family. He would preferably like to buy a house in the neighborhood that they all occupy. Too close for me. Advice? |
Anonymous
| It doesn't sound like you guys are compatible, marriage-wise. This isn't a thing that is going to get better when you get married and have kids. If anything, it's going to get a lot worse. |
Anonymous
|
Is it Chevy chase view in Kensington?
Or is it Olney? |
Anonymous
|
PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING. Seriously. Not some BS one-weekend church thing. I'm talking hire a professional, licensed counselor. I think every couple should do at least 3 - 4 sessions anyway, but this is a major major major major area you're showing significant incompatibility in.
It encompasses the following problems: - Family boundaries - Incompatible senses of adventure - Geographic preference - Potentially money issues depending on the cost of living for the area his family lives in Any one of these can break a marriage apart. This issue you're describing rolls a whole bunch of them into one tidy little topic that will look like "He wants to live close to his family and I don't," but it has so many layers. YOU MUST RESOLVE THIS. Don't just think "We'll sort it out later" or even if he gives in for now, it's not settled. If you have a single doubt about knowing how to work through this, delay the wedding. Trust your deepest gut here. |
Anonymous
| I can understand why he wants that close knit kind of life and I can understand why you're not really into the idea. Unfortunately you really need to get on the same page of it's going to work. You will never get to live in another city if you get married. That would be fine for many people, but is it a deal breaker for you? |
Anonymous
|
PRE-MARITAL COUNSELING. Seriously. Not some BS one-weekend church thing. I'm talking hire a professional, licensed counselor. I think every couple should do at least 3 - 4 sessions anyway, but this is a major major major major area you're showing significant incompatibility in.
It encompasses the following problems: - Family boundaries - Incompatible senses of adventure - Geographic preference - Potentially money issues depending on the cost of living for the area his family lives in Any one of these can break a marriage apart. This issue you're describing rolls a whole bunch of them into one tidy little topic that will look like "He wants to live close to his family and I don't," but it has so many layers. YOU MUST RESOLVE THIS. Don't just think "We'll sort it out later" or even if he gives in for now, it's not settled. If you have a single doubt about knowing how to work through this, delay the wedding. Trust your deepest gut here. |
Anonymous
| I ended an engagement over this. Six months later, DH came around and even started looking for jobs in the cities I had mentioned wanting to move to. We now live 700 miles from his family and over 1600 from mine. We have a set in stone holiday schedule that seems to have helped everyone adjust. |
Anonymous
| +1 on the counseling. |
Anonymous
|
Pre marital counselling is always a good idea.
I think that if you are going to have kids, it is very wise to live near family. But you need to check in with a therapist on the boundaries issues. |
Anonymous
| You may find this close proximity awesome if/when you have kids if these relatives will provide actual childcare and assistance. Or you may find it even more oppressive if they are meddling ... |
Anonymous
| He has also mentioned that my parents should come live in the neighborhood too. My mom wants to retire and go back to the country our family comes from (in a tropical area). I love his family, but I feel like none of them do anything without consulting the family unit. |
Anonymous
How long have you guys been married? |
Anonymous
Yup. It's not something that counseling will change it will be nothing more than a band aid. End it now and start again with someone who has the same ideals. |
Anonymous
| What's his ethnic background? I assume this is a cultural expectation? I agree with pp about pre-marital counseling. You need to work through this before the wedding. |
Anonymous
|
Sounds great to me. But that's me. My DH is as far away from his family (and mine) as he can get. Boooooo.
Good luck working this out. |