14 year old son only wants to be with friends

[Anonymous]

I know this is normal... he is about to turn 14 and has a group of friends. It's summer and he wants to sleep at peoples' houses constantly. For some reason, he's less interested in our house bc it's less walkable, his has a younger sibling etc.

I know I shouldn't take personally. But it feels like he never wants to hang out with his family-- out to dinner, movies etc. we are going on a 10 day trip and I'm worried that he is going to act bored, want to be on his phone (neeed to make sure around that) etc. I understand that this could be typical for a very social kid, but I'm afraid I may lose it andstress us all out if he acts ungrateful and constantly wants to go home when we are spending a lot of money on a major family trip (to a big city and a national park).

I don't want to create expectations at the outset. Has anyone experience this with a teen? I just want to have a fun family vacation and I'm already worried....not good. Thx for helpful suggestions....

[Anonymous]

Sleeping at someone else's house regularly is not the same as just socializing with friends. For me, that would be a "no." My kids live at MY house.... which means they sleep at my house and typically eat at my house. All things in moderation.

[Anonymous]

So, it's the summer... if your kid wanted to have several sleepovers in a row and he doesn't have camp, you would say no? No judgement here, but why?

[Anonymous]

I remember how grumpy and ungrateful I was on a particular family trip in my teens, and I am an introvert.

[Anonymous]

OP it's great that your son wants to be social! Just set some family time ground rules.

Assuming you like and trust the other families, I think it's fine for him to have a lot of sleepovers this summer at the other friends' houses -- sounds like they are in a community where kids still walk places -- like to each other's houses? a pool? where are they walking?

A lot of kids this age are just holed up in air conditioned basements and living rooms playing online and only interacting with each other virtually. Kids who want to be together in person and walk places sounds so quaint!

I would have your kid stay home a little bored for 2 days before you leave on the trip, to give him time to enjoy being bored at home and complain a lot, before starting the trip. Also, offer your child a substantial amount of money (enough so he pays attention) and dock him 1/10th of it for each complaint on the trip. Call it the no whining fund.

[Anonymous]

I just wouldn't set out that standard....that I would allow multiple days of sleeping over at someone else's house. He can hang out during the day, but be home for dinner and night time at home. If he's sleeping at night -- why does he need to be in another house? To me, sleeping over is a special event (although I don't even understand why it's desirable if they are sleeping on the floor). I'd tell my kid he has a enough time for friends during the day and in the evening, we eat dinner at home and spend time in the same house.

There is too much that can be happening on the sly if the kid gets the idea that no one is really watching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just wouldn't set out that standard....that I would allow multiple days of sleeping over at someone else's house. He can hang out during the day, but be home for dinner and night time at home. If he's sleeping at night -- why does he need to be in another house? To me, sleeping over is a special event (although I don't even understand why it's desirable if they are sleeping on the floor). I'd tell my kid he has a enough time for friends during the day and in the evening, we eat dinner at home and spend time in the same house.

There is too much that can be happening on the sly if the kid gets the idea that no one is really watching.

+1


It's okay during the day, but dinner and sleep should regularly be at home, except for special occasions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just wouldn't set out that standard....that I would allow multiple days of sleeping over at someone else's house. He can hang out during the day, but be home for dinner and night time at home. If he's sleeping at night -- why does he need to be in another house? To me, sleeping over is a special event (although I don't even understand why it's desirable if they are sleeping on the floor). I'd tell my kid he has a enough time for friends during the day and in the evening, we eat dinner at home and spend time in the same house.

There is too much that can be happening on the sly if the kid gets the idea that no one is really watching.

+1


It's okay during the day, but dinner and sleep should regularly be at home, except for special occasions.

Did you guys not have sleepovers as kids? Not just big slumber parties, but one on one sleepovers at your friends' houses, or have them over at yours?

[Anonymous]

I find this behavior pretty typical at that age.

It's pretty rare not to have various kids sleeping over at my house during the week in the summer or my kids out at their friend's houses. We have set family nights, though, and they know they can't get out of those. We don't always plan a big activity for those nights either; sometimes it's just a game night or a movie at home.

My son has one friend who seems to almost live at my house because he has three younger siblings under age 7 and he just wants peace and quiet, lol. I don't mind in general, but again, he knows that on certain days he can't stay over because my son has family night.

[Anonymous]

Insist that he do one family dinner a week or whatever.

[Anonymous]

I think it's pretty typical. In our family, we have a vacation rule and it's this. On every trip (and sometimes at every stop on a trip), each person gets to pick an adventure. Everyone must participate and no one gets to complain. You can pick whatever you want and the only way anyone can sit out is if they are not physically capable of doing the activity (think roller coaster for a kid who is too small or rock climbing for someone who doesn't have the physical strength or ability). I do make suggestions if they can't come up with ideas, but we've been doing this for so long that everyone does their homework for their adventure. We also take decks of Uno and regular cards to every restaurant so that the kids can entertain themselves.

My kids do lots of sleepovers (some at my house and some other places). I don't get in the way of it. But, I do ask a few things. Before you leave the house, say good bye to me. Before you go to bed or I go to bed, say good night if you are home. And answer my texts (I don't text often). I don't require dinners because my older kids have jobs and my younger one has too many hours of sports practice so I can't count on everyone being home together ever. But, if we are all home together, I will be sure to make something everyone likes or to offer to go out for pizza or something.

[Anonymous]

Mine too. But, when we are on vacation he adjusts and I really enjoy the family time with him. Make sure he tells his friends he won't be around and warn that esp in national parks, there may not be good phone/internet service.

[Anonymous]

He just has to go with you on the vacation, he doesn't have to enjoy it. He has to be civil. But it's ok if he's bored, or he'd rather be somewhere else. I remember vacations we went on when I was a teen that I thought were the worst. Some of them, I still wouldn't opt to go on myself. Others, I now value. Don't twist yourself into a pretzel trying to make him love it, but do involve him in the planning to see if there's something he'd like to see/do.

Relax. Teen years are hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, it's the summer... if your kid wanted to have several sleepovers in a row and he doesn't have camp, you would say no? No judgement here, but why?

Not OP, but because he is part of the family. We live in a family home and have meals together and whatnot. The End. There doesn't need to be any other reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, it's the summer... if your kid wanted to have several sleepovers in a row and he doesn't have camp, you would say no? No judgement here, but why?

Not OP, but because he is part of the family. We live in a family home and have meals together and whatnot. The End. There doesn't need to be any other reason.

Fine. But it's silly. You're saying if you're not under the same roof for meals and sleep, you're not a family? How strange. And good luck with that when the flee for the hills after HS.