Parent having minor surgery. Go or stay home?

[Anonymous]

If your parent were having a planned/scheduled minor surgery (comparable to a child having tonsils out; nothing like open-heart surgery) would you take the day off and rearrange your child care?

My mom is having a minor surgery that they think will take about 2 hours total. My dad doesn't want me to come, says he will nap and catch up on Netflix. I'd either have to bring my child (6) or arrange other childcare, because her childcare hours would overlap. My mom and dad say there is no reason for me to go, but I don't know what the right thing to do is. I was thinking of ordering in dinner to be delivered to my dad once he returns home.

Is it normal to stay home? It's been years since either have had surgery, and I was in college at the time. I'm just worried they will think I'm a horrible daughter! Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your parent were having a planned/scheduled minor surgery (comparable to a child having tonsils out; nothing like open-heart surgery) would you take the day off and rearrange your child care?

My mom is having a minor surgery that they think will take about 2 hours total. My dad doesn't want me to come, says he will nap and catch up on Netflix. I'd either have to bring my child (6) or arrange other childcare, because her childcare hours would overlap. My mom and dad say there is no reason for me to go, but I don't know what the right thing to do is. I was thinking of ordering in dinner to be delivered to my dad once he returns home.

Is it normal to stay home? It's been years since either have had surgery, and I was in college at the time. I'm just worried they will think I'm a horrible daughter! Thanks!

My FIL had foot surgery and demanded his entire family take off work for it. It sounds like you have reasonable parents so it's silly to take off work.

[Anonymous]

Can you come up a couple days later and cook, do laundry, that sort of thing?

Or at the point your mom is feeling better enough to want some company but not well enough to do much? I just had surgery myself, and that second stage can be frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your parent were having a planned/scheduled minor surgery (comparable to a child having tonsils out; nothing like open-heart surgery) would you take the day off and rearrange your child care?

My mom is having a minor surgery that they think will take about 2 hours total. My dad doesn't want me to come, says he will nap and catch up on Netflix. I'd either have to bring my child (6) or arrange other childcare, because her childcare hours would overlap. My mom and dad say there is no reason for me to go, but I don't know what the right thing to do is. I was thinking of ordering in dinner to be delivered to my dad once he returns home.

Is it normal to stay home? It's been years since either have had surgery, and I was in college at the time. I'm just worried they will think I'm a horrible daughter! Thanks!

I think your parents have already told you not to come. Bringing a child into the house right after your mom's minor surgery is probably not a great idea. She is just going to want peace, quiet and rest. She's got your dad there so she'll be fine. Plan to visit when she feels better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your parent were having a planned/scheduled minor surgery (comparable to a child having tonsils out; nothing like open-heart surgery) would you take the day off and rearrange your child care?

My mom is having a minor surgery that they think will take about 2 hours total. My dad doesn't want me to come, says he will nap and catch up on Netflix. I'd either have to bring my child (6) or arrange other childcare, because her childcare hours would overlap. My mom and dad say there is no reason for me to go, but I don't know what the right thing to do is. I was thinking of ordering in dinner to be delivered to my dad once he returns home.

Is it normal to stay home? It's been years since either have had surgery, and I was in college at the time. I'm just worried they will think I'm a horrible daughter! Thanks!

I think your parents have already told you not to come. Bringing a child into the house right after your mom's minor surgery is probably not a great idea. She is just going to want peace, quiet and rest. She's got your dad there so she'll be fine. Plan to visit when she feels better.

Thank you. I should clarify, I'm talking about going to the hospital.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your parent were having a planned/scheduled minor surgery (comparable to a child having tonsils out; nothing like open-heart surgery) would you take the day off and rearrange your child care?

My mom is having a minor surgery that they think will take about 2 hours total. My dad doesn't want me to come, says he will nap and catch up on Netflix. I'd either have to bring my child (6) or arrange other childcare, because her childcare hours would overlap. My mom and dad say there is no reason for me to go, but I don't know what the right thing to do is. I was thinking of ordering in dinner to be delivered to my dad once he returns home.

Is it normal to stay home? It's been years since either have had surgery, and I was in college at the time. I'm just worried they will think I'm a horrible daughter! Thanks!

I think your parents have already told you not to come. Bringing a child into the house right after your mom's minor surgery is probably not a great idea. She is just going to want peace, quiet and rest. She's got your dad there so she'll be fine. Plan to visit when she feels better.

Thank you. I should clarify, I'm talking about going to the hospital.

She will probably not even be in the hospital that long. And when she is there, she'll have medical staff in and out of her room. Both of your parents have said not to go. I wouldn't go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your parent were having a planned/scheduled minor surgery (comparable to a child having tonsils out; nothing like open-heart surgery) would you take the day off and rearrange your child care?

My mom is having a minor surgery that they think will take about 2 hours total. My dad doesn't want me to come, says he will nap and catch up on Netflix. I'd either have to bring my child (6) or arrange other childcare, because her childcare hours would overlap. My mom and dad say there is no reason for me to go, but I don't know what the right thing to do is. I was thinking of ordering in dinner to be delivered to my dad once he returns home.

Is it normal to stay home? It's been years since either have had surgery, and I was in college at the time. I'm just worried they will think I'm a horrible daughter! Thanks!

I think your parents have already told you not to come. Bringing a child into the house right after your mom's minor surgery is probably not a great idea. She is just going to want peace, quiet and rest. She's got your dad there so she'll be fine. Plan to visit when she feels better.

Thank you. I should clarify, I'm talking about going to the hospital.

She will probably not even be in the hospital that long. And when she is there, she'll have medical staff in and out of her room. Both of your parents have said not to go. I wouldn't go.

Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Listen to your parents. I'm sure they appreciate you offering to come but it sounds like they are reasonable people. Soon after the surgery find a time to visit that is convenient for you. In advance, prepare and freeze a couple of meals to make things easy for your parents.

[Anonymous]

I don't go for those things. I will have to take off work for a hip replacement, though.

Your mom has your dad there. She is fine if she says so.

[Anonymous]

I would go. Surgery is surgery. My parents each have had similar non-urgent out-patient surgeries and each time they've said "don't come" but when I get there I get huge smiles and sighs of relief. I sit with both during prep and during the surgery I keep the other parent company. When the surgical parent is released then I follow them home, help them get situated and leave.

If it is my mom who is the patient then I make sure to set up things for soup / sandwiches for dinner for both. Yes, it is sexist, but my dad has never cooked and my mom has never mowed the lawn or put gas in a car (not saying she can't just that she doesn't have to since my dad checks her car every day). It works for them!

Anyway, I would go. The way I figure, there is no "do over" button if there is a problem.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mom of adult kids and wouldn't expect them to come to the hospital if it meant missing work or changing childcare. Your dad sounds fine with it too.

[Anonymous]

Don't unless you leave your kid at home. Your dad doesn't need anything else to worry about.

Most minor surgeries send people home within hours. My mom had her knee replaced and was home same day. There is no "in the hospital" to speak of. She barely recalls the surgical center!

Listen to your loved ones. If they say don't come, they mean it. Be flexible so you can go last minute if they get overwhelmed (leaving your child with DH).

[Anonymous]

My dad was scheduled for minor surgery and said don't come. I came anyway (cancelling a planned vacation with husband). My parents weren't even going to tell me about it. A complication arose during surgery, he wound up in ICU for a week. My mom couldn't handle it emotionally or otherwise, so I was glad I went.

[Anonymous]

Prepare things so that you are ready to go if complications arise. Can you help around the house, cook meals, grocery shop, provide company if she can't move about?

I had major surgery and the hardest time was recovery (actually the very hardest part was the anxiety before the surgery!). My parents came to help us when I returned home from the hospital.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn't take the day off. I would call later in the day to see if there was anything I could bring over to help them.