Dating a Bi sexual man

[Anonymous]

Hi,

I'm dating a bi sexual man. We were talking about past relationships and I wanted to understand his relationship history, and sexual history.
He had a 3 year relationship with a female, a 2 year relationship with a male, then 2 brief relationships with females (under 6 months) and now me for 8 months.

This is new to me, please help me understand correctly, since he had a 2 year relationship with a man, wouldn't that make him gay instead of bi? I guess I thought bi men had sex with both men and women, but only relationships with women.

[Anonymous]

No two people are the same, and that goes for bisexuals and their relationships, too. People who are bisexual are attracted to members of both sexes, and may engage in sexual or relationships with either or both.

[Anonymous]

Sounds more gay than Bi.

Most Bi men see sex with men as a fetish or kink, rather than an emotional attachment.

This guy sounds more gay than bi. maybe he's still in denial about being gay?

[Anonymous]

Gay for sure. Or maybe he is European?
Regardless, have him tested.

[Anonymous]

There will be people who will say it should be fine as long as he is faithful to you (or to however you arrange your relationship). There are certainly "bi" men and there are certainly those who are attracted to both genders who faithfully enter a long term relationship with women.

But truth be told, I'd still be highly skeptical. My gay friends all say the same. The number of "bi" men is grossly inflated by those who are genuinely gay but who, for whatever reasons, still want to be with a woman but still try to sleep around on the sly and call themselves bisexual, and the handful of men who are genuinely bi almost always dump their gay lovers for a woman in the long run (the call for a family and children and cultural norms is just to strong). A man who came out to me as bisexual at the onset of a relationship is only sending major red flags. He might try to justify it as being honest and truthful, but there's a time for truth and there's a time for secrets and if I were bisexual I wouldn't confess to past relationships with men until I was well into the relationship and had proven my loyalties.

[Anonymous]

Is there a norm of bi men that get married to women and are content in a straight relationship?

[Anonymous]

Oh I get it. Women can be bi but 'bi men' are actually closeted gays. Thanks for explaining.

[Anonymous]

Just dump him you ain't cut out for it.
If you really want to understand HIM then you'd talk to him and rely on the information he provides as opposed to simply seeking a short cut and assigning a generic label that will allow you to make presumptions based on those corresponding generalizations.

[Anonymous]

Wasn't OP's exact same question asked here before?

[Anonymous]

Presumptions and generalizations exist for a reason, unfortunately.

Too many people have been burned and hurt due to "bi" partners regardless of the gender. As many gay men will tell you, the gay app and hookup scene is rife with bi men, whether truly bi or gay, looking for sex on the sly while in committed relationships with women. I personally would not be comfortable in a relationship with a bisexual person because it substantially increases the odds of a unhappy ending. Nor would I be comfortable in a relationship with someone who is also sexually attracted to the gender opposite mine. Men and sex...well, it'd always be in the back of my mind. Enough said.

Of course, different people have different expectations and tolerance for different types of relationships so what works for one person doesn't work for others. But if the OP is worried at this point, her instincts are probably telling her what her tolerance and comfort levels are.

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him you ain't cut out for it.
If you really want to understand HIM then you'd talk to him and rely on the information he provides as opposed to simply seeking a short cut and assigning a generic label that will allow you to make presumptions based on those corresponding generalizations.

[Anonymous]

Eh not for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gay for sure. Or maybe he is European?
Regardless, have him tested.

what?

[Anonymous]

Why would you want the hassle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Presumptions and generalizations exist for a reason, unfortunately.

Too many people have been burned and hurt due to "bi" partners regardless of the gender. As many gay men will tell you, the gay app and hookup scene is rife with bi men, whether truly bi or gay, looking for sex on the sly while in committed relationships with women. I personally would not be comfortable in a relationship with a bisexual person because it substantially increases the odds of a unhappy ending. Nor would I be comfortable in a relationship with someone who is also sexually attracted to the gender opposite mine. Men and sex...well, it'd always be in the back of my mind. Enough said.

Of course, different people have different expectations and tolerance for different types of relationships so what works for one person doesn't work for others. But if the OP is worried at this point, her instincts are probably telling her what her tolerance and comfort levels are.

Anonymous wrote:Just dump him you ain't cut out for it.
If you really want to understand HIM then you'd talk to him and rely on the information he provides as opposed to simply seeking a short cut and assigning a generic label that will allow you to make presumptions based on those corresponding generalizations.

It's also rife with "straight" men.

There are tons of "straight" men that are basically bi, but just don't talk about it. Because why would they? They have basically nothing to gain from it and a lot to lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wasn't OP's exact same question asked here before?

Yes and it has been posted a dew times, actually.