Inlaws when parents live with you question

[Anonymous]

My parents live with us in our finished basement apartment during the summer and fall. It's a huge help to us and we enjoy it a lot.

How do you handle inlaw visits when one set of parents lives with you? My inlaws won't visit when my parents are here. But it also makes it hard for us to visit my inlaws on weekends when my parents are here. My parents are looking forward to seeing us (we work during the week) and we often have things scheduled on the weekends. It's DC and there's always stuff going on during summer weekends. We feel a little guilty leaving and think that since my parents are helping us so much with kids that we should spend time with them.

Husband doesn't care at all about visiting, but I'm sensing a lot of tension from my inlaws. They rarely to never visit us when my parents are not in town either. Our travel is pretty one sided.

[Anonymous]

Oh Well then if they don't visit, they don't visit.
That is their choice. If they understand that they are welcome then they decide if/when they want to come.
That is their issue not yours.
You visit them when you feel like it and they are available for your visit.
End of story.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Well they have mentioned how jealous they are of my parents and that they don't get to see my kids often. But they never offer to come visit us or help either. My parents would love a mini break if my inlaws wanted to come down and they'd leave. DH is completely unwilling to ask his parents for help.

[Anonymous]

You can visit some weekends

[Anonymous]

My parents don't live with us, but live nearby and moved to the area to be close to me. They have been here 6mo and don't have many friends of their own yet. When my inlaws visit, we mostly do things with them and spend less time with my parents than normal. We do usually have one meal or outing with all 4 grandparents during the weekend. My parents and inlaws get along although they don't have much in common.

Do your inlaws have a place to stay when your parents are around? Do you have a guest room separate from the apartment?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your in-laws' problem. They need to be willing to meet you halfway, at least figuratively if not literally.

Can your DH tell them it's fine for them to visit when your parents are there, or invite them when your parents are there? That's pretty annoying they won't come for several months at a time...and they expect you to accommodate that? Or maybe just resign yourself to only seeing them a few weekends a year when it's convenient for you, especially if they aren't willing to budge.

My MIL lives with us. My family visits whenever they want (they come separately, but only 1-2x/year each). We have enough room for everyone though, so that helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents don't live with us, but live nearby and moved to the area to be close to me. They have been here 6mo and don't have many friends of their own yet. When my inlaws visit, we mostly do things with them and spend less time with my parents than normal. We do usually have one meal or outing with all 4 grandparents during the weekend. My parents and inlaws get along although they don't have much in common.

Do your inlaws have a place to stay when your parents are around? Do you have a guest room separate from the apartment?

OP here. Yes. We have a separate 2nd floor guest room and guest bath. They don't stay with us though. Maybe once a year they spend the night. It's a 3 hour drive each way so they just come for lunch and leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your in-laws' problem. They need to be willing to meet you halfway, at least figuratively if not literally.

Can your DH tell them it's fine for them to visit when your parents are there, or invite them when your parents are there? That's pretty annoying they won't come for several months at a time...and they expect you to accommodate that? Or maybe just resign yourself to only seeing them a few weekends a year when it's convenient for you, especially if they aren't willing to budge.

My MIL lives with us. My family visits whenever they want (they come separately, but only 1-2x/year each). We have enough room for everyone though, so that helps.

OP here. When you travel to your family do you just leave your MIL? What about on holidays?

[Anonymous]

So, if when they do come to you, they only come for lunch--and DH doesn't want to arrange anything with them--doesn't that tell you what you need to know?

Ask DH if there's anything else behind it that you are missing, but it seems that DH isn't close at all with his family, and that they don't want to visit.

Plan a visit to your ILs while your parents are in town if you'd normally visit in that time frame, and otherwise let it go.

[Anonymous]

If your parents are there with you for two seasons, I think you can take one weekend off and visit your in-laws.

[Anonymous]

This is your husband's responsibility. If he doesn't seem to mind or care that his kids don't see his parents, that is his job to fix it, not yours. I would think it was so weird if my husband decided to manage my relationship with my parents for me. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Do they not get along with your in laws? I think you should invite them for a weekend every now and then and hang out.

My friend has a similiar situation and both sets of parents visit at the same time and they enjoy the company. Why not have everyone get together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents don't live with us, but live nearby and moved to the area to be close to me. They have been here 6mo and don't have many friends of their own yet. When my inlaws visit, we mostly do things with them and spend less time with my parents than normal. We do usually have one meal or outing with all 4 grandparents during the weekend. My parents and inlaws get along although they don't have much in common.

Do your inlaws have a place to stay when your parents are around? Do you have a guest room separate from the apartment?

OP here. Yes. We have a separate 2nd floor guest room and guest bath. They don't stay with us though. Maybe once a year they spend the night. It's a 3 hour drive each way so they just come for lunch and leave.

I'm no psychologist, but I'm going to hazard a guess that your in-laws are jealous- but there is no mutually agreeable solution that would fix the problem. What the in-laws want is for your parents not to live with you for 6 months out of the year, not for you to travel to see them every weekend. If your husband is brushing off their complaints, then I would follow that advice and do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well they have mentioned how jealous they are of my parents and that they don't get to see my kids often. But they never offer to come visit us or help either. My parents would love a mini break if my inlaws wanted to come down and they'd leave. DH is completely unwilling to ask his parents for help.

I'm with hubby on this one , people waste too much time trying to get people to give something they don't have to give.
PS. It might help if you sounded like you were more interested in a relationship than "help".

[Anonymous]

OP, you make it sound like you're incapable of taking care of your own kids without two other adults in the house.