Inlaws when parents live with you question

[Anonymous]

You say your parents would welcome the inlaws coming to give them a mini-break. Well, wouldn't a weekend spent visiting your inlaws give them a mini-break? If your parents are living with you, surely there is a spare weekend that you can bear to spend away from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your parents are there with you for two seasons, I think you can take one weekend off and visit your in-laws.

+1 your parents would probably love to have a weekend to themselves!

[Anonymous]

Let's say 8 weekends, you should leave for 1 to visit your ILs. If it's 10, I'd say 2. That's just me. You should determine a formula which feels right to you and then plan for it. My guess is time just goes by without any thought or any real plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you make it sound like you're incapable of taking care of your own kids without two other adults in the house.

OP here. DH is injured/somewhat disabled right now and I travel a lot for work. I'm not asking for help from them, but I think they don't understand how busy we are. My parents stay with us though primarily to help though and because of that we feel like we should spend time with them.

We used to visit inlaws often before kids: about every 6 weeks, but now every time we visit is just a disaster. There's no guest room so our youngest is in a pack n play in the bathroom and sleep is kind of a mess there. I'm sort of overwhelmed right now and use weekends to try to relax.

Inlaws mentioned they wanted to see us for the 4th of July, but I just don't understand why they don't come if they want to see us? They had Monday off and we didn't. I think our parents get along okay together. They're not best friends, but they manage social niceties when they're around each other. My parents stay away when inlaws come to give them space.

Sigh. I guess this is just a rant. I feel guilt tripped about not visiting more when I'm treading water at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents don't live with us, but live nearby and moved to the area to be close to me. They have been here 6mo and don't have many friends of their own yet. When my inlaws visit, we mostly do things with them and spend less time with my parents than normal. We do usually have one meal or outing with all 4 grandparents during the weekend. My parents and inlaws get along although they don't have much in common.

Do your inlaws have a place to stay when your parents are around? Do you have a guest room separate from the apartment?

OP here. Yes. We have a separate 2nd floor guest room and guest bath. They don't stay with us though. Maybe once a year they spend the night. It's a 3 hour drive each way so they just come for lunch and leave.

I'm no psychologist, but I'm going to hazard a guess that your in-laws are jealous- but there is no mutually agreeable solution that would fix the problem. What the in-laws want is for your parents not to live with you for 6 months out of the year, not for you to travel to see them every weekend. If your husband is brushing off their complaints, then I would follow that advice and do the same.

This. I think my in-laws feel we spend more time with my family than with them, but I have a huge family and theirs is very small. We mostly do things like baby showers and weddings and sometimes birthday parties, and because of basic math that means we see my family members more. We almost never turn down anything on my DH's side for this exact reason, while there are still plenty of things we miss on mine (and often it's just me and DD attending on my side). Sometimes we will try to invite them for something with my family and they make excuses for not accepting. I feel like we can't win. They would just be happy if we just saw my family less, for no other reason than to be "even."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents don't live with us, but live nearby and moved to the area to be close to me. They have been here 6mo and don't have many friends of their own yet. When my inlaws visit, we mostly do things with them and spend less time with my parents than normal. We do usually have one meal or outing with all 4 grandparents during the weekend. My parents and inlaws get along although they don't have much in common.

Do your inlaws have a place to stay when your parents are around? Do you have a guest room separate from the apartment?

OP here. Yes. We have a separate 2nd floor guest room and guest bath. They don't stay with us though. Maybe once a year they spend the night. It's a 3 hour drive each way so they just come for lunch and leave.

They all need to grow up.
So ILs can come anytime in Spring and Winter.
And you can go visit your ILs for weekends. Your parents can deal with having you gone 1-2 weekends out of 20+.
Tell them you love them all and don't want to hear any more negative comments- you're being good, diligent children.

[Anonymous]

Your parents see you all the time and you are worried about spending time on weekends with them.
You are treating inlaws like crap.