He pretty much has no friends

[Anonymous]

Fiancé and I have been together for 2.5 years now. Since I've known him, he's pretty much had no friends besides two guys that he sees maybe every 3-5 months. He works 60 hours a week and come the weekend, doesn't want to do anything. I on the other hand, love to go grab dinner and drinks with some of my friends and their boyfriends or husbands. When we go out, he has a good time and is friendly with my best friends husband but not to the level of hanging out by themselves. He honesty doesn't care that he doesn't really have any friends but this bothers me. He thinks it's not a big deal but for some reason it just really bothers me. We spend a lot of weekends just going out together and running errands and grabbing dinner. Probably 1-2 weekends a month we go out with one of my couple friends. Would this bother anyone else? I want him to have his own set of friends that I can get to know and we can go out with or just friends he can go have guy time with. Is this a red flag or do some guys just truly not care about having close friends?

[Anonymous]

This is who he is. He is comfortable with who he is. It's a red flag only in that you want him to change and be something he is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is who he is. He is comfortable with who he is. It's a red flag only in that you want him to change and be something he is not.

OP here- I don't want him to change but it just confuses me as to why someone would be okay with no friends. I just think he'd love having a buddy to go grab a beer with or go fishing with or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is who he is. He is comfortable with who he is. It's a red flag only in that you want him to change and be something he is not.

This.

He's not you, OP. And understand: this is not likely to change. Unless you can get past this -- and I suggest you do, before you marry him -- you are the one who has the compatibility problem.

[Anonymous]

Some people like you need a circle of friends and others like your fiancé don't. He seems to be fine with it so it is normal for him. If you don't like that aspect of him break it off and wait until you find an extroverted person like yourself. Don't try to change him.

[Anonymous]

DH had very few friends when we met. Yes, it's a red flag. It's clearly already bothering you and I will tell you from experience, once you have kids, the social connections for your entire family will fall on you. Now, this is pretty common that women run the family social life, however, a DH w/o friends is likely someone who has some social deficiencies and that can be a huge stressor. At least it is for me.

[Anonymous]

I dated one guy like this. When we discussed marriage, I wondered who would even ben his best man. He was very close (too close?) to his immediate family though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH had very few friends when we met. Yes, it's a red flag. It's clearly already bothering you and I will tell you from experience, once you have kids, the social connections for your entire family will fall on you. Now, this is pretty common that women run the family social life, however, a DH w/o friends is likely someone who has some social deficiencies and that can be a huge stressor. At least it is for me.

It's actually not necessarily a red flag at all. Many people who are introverted have few friends. I myself have only one good friend and I see her rarely. I enjoy being by myself. I'm happy and mentally healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH had very few friends when we met. Yes, it's a red flag. It's clearly already bothering you and I will tell you from experience, once you have kids, the social connections for your entire family will fall on you. Now, this is pretty common that women run the family social life, however, a DH w/o friends is likely someone who has some social deficiencies and that can be a huge stressor. At least it is for me.

It's actually not necessarily a red flag at all. Many people who are introverted have few friends. I myself have only one good friend and I see her rarely. I enjoy being by myself. I'm happy and mentally healthy.

It is a red flag for her, bc it's already a concern for her. My DH is happy and mentally healthy as well but now that we have a family, it's really hard being the more extroverted partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people like you need a circle of friends and others like your fiancé don't. He seems to be fine with it so it is normal for him. If you don't like that aspect of him break it off and wait until you find an extroverted person like yourself. Don't try to change him.

Op here- I definitely don't want to break it off and I don't want to change him. He's fine going out with my best friend and her husband and we all have a great time. My ex that I was with for 2 years before him had a big group of guy friends from middle and high school that we went out with a lot and had a best friend that he constantly saw so I got used to that. I know my fiancé is fine not having close guy friends and again, I don't want to change him at all. Just wanted to know if this was a red flag for anyone in a past relationship as again, it's just not something I'm used to.

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP, it's not necessarily a red flag. He's just introverted. My husband is an introvert, I'm an extrovert. Every now and then I wish he were a little more social, but over all it's not a huge deal.

[Anonymous]

I know a lot of guys who are like this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like you need a circle of friends and others like your fiancé don't. He seems to be fine with it so it is normal for him. If you don't like that aspect of him break it off and wait until you find an extroverted person like yourself. Don't try to change him.

Op here- I definitely don't want to break it off and I don't want to change him. He's fine going out with my best friend and her husband and we all have a great time. My ex that I was with for 2 years before him had a big group of guy friends from middle and high school that we went out with a lot and had a best friend that he constantly saw so I got used to that. I know my fiancé is fine not having close guy friends and again, I don't want to change him at all. Just wanted to know if this was a red flag for anyone in a past relationship as again, it's just not something I'm used to.

You sound very young. A few years post-college, it would be atypical to have a large circle of middle and high school friends still hanging around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people like you need a circle of friends and others like your fiancé don't. He seems to be fine with it so it is normal for him. If you don't like that aspect of him break it off and wait until you find an extroverted person like yourself. Don't try to change him.

Op here- I definitely don't want to break it off and I don't want to change him. He's fine going out with my best friend and her husband and we all have a great time. My ex that I was with for 2 years before him had a big group of guy friends from middle and high school that we went out with a lot and had a best friend that he constantly saw so I got used to that. I know my fiancé is fine not having close guy friends and again, I don't want to change him at all. Just wanted to know if this was a red flag for anyone in a past relationship as again, it's just not something I'm used to.

You sound very young. A few years post-college, it would be atypical to have a large circle of middle and high school friends still hanging around.

Op here- I'm 28. When I was with my ex who had all those friends, we were 22-24.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to change him. I just wish he were different.