He pretty much has no friends

[Anonymous]

It is who he is and should not be a concern. I'm a guy who is the same way. Kind of introverted, most relationships through work. If you are going to continue to fret about it break it off and marry a social butterfly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH had very few friends when we met. Yes, it's a red flag. It's clearly already bothering you and I will tell you from experience, once you have kids, the social connections for your entire family will fall on you. Now, this is pretty common that women run the family social life, however, a DH w/o friends is likely someone who has some social deficiencies and that can be a huge stressor. At least it is for me.

It's actually not necessarily a red flag at all. Many people who are introverted have few friends. I myself have only one good friend and I see her rarely. I enjoy being by myself. I'm happy and mentally healthy.

It is a red flag. I married a man with a stable but small circle of friends. But in all the casual social situations of life, which are frequent for parents, it is really stressful. He is unwelcoming, never chats, never makes an offer to do anything with anyone. At sports events never gets with the other dads on the sidelines. If one of his close friends is there, he will talk only to his friend. It is painful and perplexing because it is so, so hard to socialize as a couple when one half is completely unsociable.

[Anonymous]

I am the introvert in my relationship. I am friendly with a lot of people, but only have one or two close friends that I do things with.

My husband constantly picks on me about not having friends. I've come to realize that despite being an extrovert, he has no friends. He wants me to have friends so that I can be the cruise director and come up with things to do that will satisfy his extrovert needs.

It doesn't sound like this is your situation, OP, but this is a red flag I should have noticed before I got married.

[Anonymous]

MAJOR red flag.

[Anonymous]

I'd like to see friends from HS and college. But my wife would get angry about being left with the kids.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing this is a proxy for other concerns. He's no good in bed, I'm guessing.

[Anonymous]

Hell to the no. This would be a major red flag for me. NO friends? Something is seriously off. Stay away

[Anonymous]

I think its a red flag, but not in the sense that there's something objectively wrong with him. It's a red flag that you guys are really different in an area that is making you uncomfortable. And you need to decide whether you can deal with that difference without hoping that he'll change - because he probably won't.

[Anonymous]

So, OP said he is friendly and gets along with her friends' husbands, he just doesn't get to the level of one on one. Why is this such a big deal? It doesn't seem like he's extremely socially awkward, just introverted and appreciates the time to himself. This doesn't indicate, like someone else tried to say, that he won't talk to any other parents if they ever do get married and have kids. Just seems that he doesn't want to waste time getting dinner and drinks with people when he can be decompressing from work, spending time with OP, or doing solo hobbies. OP didn't say he refuses to go out with her group of friends either. So chill out with the huge assumptions, people. OP just wants him to have his circle of friends she can crash in on, it seems. Because otherwise he seems perfectly happy. I'm sure he talks to people at work. I do, and I get along with them just fine and consider them friends. Doesn't mean I have to go to happy hour with them every week.

[Anonymous]

I am a guy, 53. I am very selective about friends: I have three close friends -- been close with them since the 80's when I was in grad school. They do not live around here, so I do not see them very often.

I have a ton of acquaintances I am friendly with, but they are not *friends*. I rarely go out with them. We get along fine, but I do not know them well enough to call them friends. Some are through work, some are people I have gotten to know around town. I go out maybe once a month.

From what I can tell, I am fairly typical unless the guy goes to bars to drink or plays sports.

[Anonymous]

Honestly my five closest friends all have husbands like this - the husbands generally have one or two friends they see infrequently (maybe an annual guys weekend). My friends and I are pretty social and kind of drive the social train which works for us. Our husbands are happy to do whatever and are not home bodies so it never affects our social life in that way - in our community, I would say 75% of the marriages I see have a super social wife and a less social husband.

[Anonymous]

My ex had no friends. He had very few in high school and college and none at all outside of my friends when we were married. It really should have been a red flag. He is also a very negative person who is set in his ways. Which may have been why he had no friends. I'm starting to see similar signs in my son, which really scares me.

[Anonymous]

My dad had no friends. My mom always says, she should have paid attention to that. I know there are people with social issues but if you have gone through life and lived many places and have NOT A SINGLE close friend you can confide in then you might have intimacy or social issues that make a long term relationship difficult, to say the least. Or you might be a total jerk (in my dad's case)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH had very few friends when we met. Yes, it's a red flag. It's clearly already bothering you and I will tell you from experience, once you have kids, the social connections for your entire family will fall on you. Now, this is pretty common that women run the family social life, however, a DH w/o friends is likely someone who has some social deficiencies and that can be a huge stressor. At least it is for me.

It's actually not necessarily a red flag at all. Many people who are introverted have few friends. I myself have only one good friend and I see her rarely. I enjoy being by myself. I'm happy and mentally healthy.

It is a red flag for her, bc it's already a concern for her. My DH is happy and mentally healthy as well but now that we have a family, it's really hard being the more extroverted partner.

that sounds like a you problem. your dh seems great.

Yup. But PP like many women on this board are unhappy ( they have issues of their own), but instead of looking internally and working on their own issues in this case the need to be seen and liked by everyone ( where does that stem from?) they blame others for their unhapiness, husbamd, in-laws, friends etc. They look for reasons to cut this people off convinced it will make them happier, it seldom does. They just continue to be unhappy until they get the help for their issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The red flag to me is that you're comparing him to your ex.

Op here- not comparing, just giving an example. Trust me, no part of me would ever desire to be with my ex again lol I was just using that as an example. My best friends husband seems to constantly hang out with his best friend from high school and leave her with the baby so I guess I shouldn't complain. I honestly was just curious as I'm the complete opposite and I even grew up with my dad still having bi weekly "guys night" with his college buddies.

You are so not over your ex. You lol is very telling. Please don't marry your fiance. You are not in love with him. You are only 28. You have time to find another guy whom you will truly love. You do not need to rush into this to keep up with your friends, you do not need to get married to meet some arbitrary "by 30" deadline you created for yourself when you were 19, you do not need to do this to have babies. You have time to find the right guy and have kids with him ( if kids is what you want) this guy is not it.
Please don't do it OP. Sve yourself the pain. Save him the pain.
It's hard, but it's easier to break up an engagement than it is a marriage.