Quiet tween - first time at sleepaway camp
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Anonymous
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My daughter is at sleepaway camp for the first time. She doesn't know anyone there, and while she's a little homesick, she's actually enjoying some of the activities and seems to be doing OK. Only problem is, she's not really connecting with any of the kids. She says she talks to kids sometimes, but most of them already have other friends, and she's frustrated about trying to get into established groups.
When we've talked, me I ask about activities etc. instead of focusing on friends. Eventually comes back to the fact that she doesn't really know anyone, people aren't really including her, no one talks to her. I totally get that she's got to solve this problem: it's hers to navigate and she's going to have to work this out on her own. My question is – should I reach out to her counselor about this? Is there anything counselor could or should do to help her get to know some of the kids and her bunk? I didn't go to summer camp so I don't know how this works. I don't want to helicopter either, but if this is the type of situation that camp counselors can help with, it would be great to know. |
Anonymous
| How old is your daughter? How long has she been gone? |
Anonymous
| She's 13 and has been there since Saturday (5 days). |
Anonymous
| I would call the camp and let them know what is going on with your daughter. They will talk to the counselor. That is how it works at my kids sleepaway camp. |
Anonymous
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Yes, contact them and see what team-building games they can do.
How long is the camp? A week is hard on an introvert who doesn't know anyone - that's not enough time to break the ice for some people. A longer camp would be better, or better yet, going to something with a friend. |
Anonymous
| Ok, thank you! It's good to know what the protocol is here. I don't want to be that bossy mom who tries to control the situation from afar – that might just make it worse. |
Anonymous
| ... oh, also wanted to say that she's there for two weeks, and that camp was her idea. She wanted to branch out and try to be more outgoing. I guess she's finding that it's harder than she thought. Or maybe she's just not sure how to do it. Either way, I'll loop the counselor in and see if there's anything they can do to help. |
Anonymous
| Email the director and he/she will talk to the counselor. When she comes home, help her understand that it often takes many summers for these kids to develop friendships. Two weeks is pretty short for a 13 yr old. |
Anonymous
| Thanks for the good advice. I hope she has enough of a good time that she'll consider going back for a longer visit next summer. I do think it's a great experience and I'm grateful that I can afford to give it to her. |
Anonymous
| 22:12 again. If she does decide to go next summer, you can always request that she is put in a cabin with another new camper. That might help with making friends. I bet there are other new girls at camp who feel the same way she does. |
Anonymous
Great point. I wish I had thought of this earlier! I'll remember for next year. Thanks! |
Anonymous
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My daughter is in sleepaway camp right now. I was struck in your post that you mentioned taking to her. I know every camp is different, but, in the 4 or 5 I have current experience with, none allow phones or phone calls home expect for emergencies. It really does prevent the camper from really engaging. For next year, if there is a next year, I'd recommend trying to really cut ties for the week of camp. It's tough, but it really alllws the kid to truly try on some new identity for the first time.
You also may not have a camp kid  I hated traditional camp, to my parents great dismay, but, at 14 I begged to go back to an academic camp, and it was one of my best childhood experiences. Maybe explore different types of camps if this one, and the type of campers, isn't the best fit.
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Anonymous
The phone call struck me also. But I think more camps are starting to offer it. I would assume parents are demanding it. I also passed on a camp that allows electronic screens at rest period. My kids don't need those things at camp but you can't not send one if every other kid in the cabin has a device. Camps are Changing based on demands. |
Anonymous
| My two older daughters were long time campers then counselors at a camp I then sent their (much) younger sister to. I at first looked around for a friend for her to go with but my older daughter said that kids did best when they went on their own. That the kids who had the most difficult time as first time campers were often the ones who came with friends as these kids either were insular and didn't really join in with others or if one of the pair or more was having a bad time the other(s) in friendship had their experience colored by this unhappiness or spent time trying to buck up other. They also said that it was worse when we 'checked in' (not letters/care packages!!) as that took them out of being fully at the camp. Let your daughter navigate this time on her own (unless she's crazy unhappy.) You picked camp hopefully because you trusted it as a safe camp and one where you daughter would find something amazing about herself. I think this time of structured self reliance is so amazing for kids and let her find her way. PS-I always encouraged my kids to write themselves a note right after camp when they were still high on the best things camp offered so that come spring, when we started looking at signing up again, the memories of that came back and not the times that they were unhappy |
Anonymous
This was absolutely me! I also didn't make friends at traditional camp (beyond a girl I already knew), but my academic camp friends became a lifeline for me in high school, and I'm still in touch with them today. |