Husband v. Boyfriend Post-Divorce - Who Gets More Sex?

[Anonymous]

ddintysons wrote:

Statistically, married people have much more sex than single people. You are comparing sex in a bad marriage with sex in a (successful?) dating life. Two completely different things.

Compare happily married sex lives to happily single sex lives, and see what you get.

I am intrigued by your post. I have often wondered about these statistics. In the studies I have read (my high-brow reading includes Men's Health, and Ask Men), the control groups are single men of a certain age are compared to married man of certain age (e.g., single men 35-40 v. married men 35-40). And in every study, the married men are getting more sex.

I would think that if one could survey married people who are thinking about getting divorced within the next 12 months, and compare that to married people who are not, the married people who are not thnking about divorce would be having more sex. Not much science there and this is supported by the posts noting that women do not want to have sex with a husband they are angry with or do not care about.

When you say "compare happily married sex lives to happily single sex lives" and see what you get, the question means nothing. However, based on just the little seen so far in this post, it is really the woman's happiness in the relationship that is the controlling variable regarding the frequency of sex?

Why just ask about the woman? There are two people in a marriage. If one is miserable, there won't be much sex. Is it because most women need emotional intimacy to want physical intimacy? Maybe? Do most men just see women as a physical orifice even when they themselves are miserable? Maybe. Can't answer that because I'm not a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why just ask about the woman? There are two people in a marriage. If one is miserable, there won't be much sex. Is it because most women need emotional intimacy to want physical intimacy? Maybe? Do most men just see women as a physical orifice even when they themselves are miserable? Maybe. Can't answer that because I'm not a man.

The answer is no. Most men want enthusiastic sex with a loving partner. You won't need to search very hard to find heartbroken complaints from married men that their wives "just lie there" - i.e., they are not satisfied with her being just a physical orifice even if she offers up that orifice on demand.

[ddintysons]

Why just ask about the woman? There are two people in a marriage.

I asked what women think because I am a man. I wanted to know their point of view.

You noted you could not answer a question because you were not a man and because I am, I have a better what most (but not all) men think.

My experience was my XW stopped wanting to have sex and this made me unhappy. Hers was she was unhappy and did not want sex. This issue becomes a death sprial. However, even when I was not that happy I was up for sex, not just because I loved it but also because I felt closer to her afterward.

Most men I know would put aside the unhappiness to have sex and most would say they felt closer to their DWs afterwards (i.e., the unhappiness stayed gone, if only for a little while.)

[Anonymous]

ddintysons wrote:

Why just ask about the woman? There are two people in a marriage.

I asked what women think because I am a man. I wanted to know their point of view.

You noted you could not answer a question because you were not a man and because I am, I have a better what most (but not all) men think.

My experience was my XW stopped wanting to have sex and this made me unhappy. Hers was she was unhappy and did not want sex. This issue becomes a death sprial. However, even when I was not that happy I was up for sex, not just because I loved it but also because I felt closer to her afterward.

Most men I know would put aside the unhappiness to have sex and most would say they felt closer to their DWs afterwards (i.e., the unhappiness stayed gone, if only for a little while.)

Male here, I agree. I don't feel connected after long bouts of sexlessness. After about a week I get antsy and having to endure multiple weeks is terrible. As another PP noted, I don't want a hole either. An enthusiastic partner who wants to enjoy themselves and have fun. I can just jerk off if I want to get off.

After weeks and weeks I just start to feel distant and withdraw. I find myself not feeling connected, lonely, and feel like I'm just a legal roommate.

Honestly, it's how affairs start.