Check in expectations when 17 year old is away from home

[Anonymous]

My 17 year old DD is going to the beach for 4 days with a few friends. They are staying at the house of one of the girls and parents will be there. It sounds like the girls will be relatively independent though. This is the first trip like this DD has gone on and we feel it is a good steps towards further independence. We would like for her to check in a few times while she's gone (5 days) and are wondering what is reasonable? Thoughts from others who have BTDT?

[Anonymous]

I always at least text goodnight with my kids. But typically they want more contact with me than I would feel like I need. I get periodic texts all day from them. Most contact is through texting.

[Anonymous]

I also agree that once a day, usually in the evening is good. Just a text saying, "just got back from dinner, heading out on the boardwalk" or whatever. With that said one of my three teenagers doesn't in fact check in and that's fine too. I wish she's would but it isn't on her mind.

[Anonymous]

If parents/leaders are going along, I don't expect a check in. Of course, I like hearing from my kids about what my did but that's different than a check in.

[Anonymous]

Also, the parents should be tolerant of a call from you to them to check in. One call unless there was truly a problem.

[Anonymous]

I would want twice a day.

[Anonymous]

If the parents are there, why would a 17-year-old need to check in more than once every couple of days?! Do you know the family? Is there some trust issue? I have a 17-year-old girl who has spent time most summers off at soccer ID camps, at the beach, etc., and my expectations are to hear from her when she arrives, a couple of times during the time away, and right before she leaves. Others may have different expectations, but that's how we do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the parents are there, why would a 17-year-old need to check in more than once every couple of days?! Do you know the family? Is there some trust issue? I have a 17-year-old girl who has spent time most summers off at soccer ID camps, at the beach, etc., and my expectations are to hear from her when she arrives, a couple of times during the time away, and right before she leaves. Others may have different expectations, but that's how we do it.

Define there - not all parents will supervise and check in. Some may just be sleeping in the same house, which is very different from knowing where the girls are, checking in with them, etc.

[Anonymous]

For my son, I expect to hear from him once a day when he's away. He's been known to send me a text around the time he knows I go to sleep that says "I'm alive, love you!" and that's all I ask for. Every so often he'll call or send a photo, and if he's flying, I usually call a few hours to make sure he's going to make the flight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parents are there, why would a 17-year-old need to check in more than once every couple of days?! Do you know the family? Is there some trust issue? I have a 17-year-old girl who has spent time most summers off at soccer ID camps, at the beach, etc., and my expectations are to hear from her when she arrives, a couple of times during the time away, and right before she leaves. Others may have different expectations, but that's how we do it.

Define there - not all parents will supervise and check in. Some may just be sleeping in the same house, which is very different from knowing where the girls are, checking in with them, etc.

OP here - this is how I'm interpreting the situation. Although I have met the parents, I don't know them well. Girls are also driving on their own separately from the parents.
This will be the first time DD has gone away with friends for more than a night or two. She's gone to camps and on organized group trips with "chaperones" several times. We don't expect that she check in on these trips, but this one is much less structured.

Thanks for the advice. I appreciate the various perspectives.

[Anonymous]

I went to college at 17...it was 3,000 miles from home in the late 1990s before cell phones etc. So yeah, no contact then. But I'd say it's reasonable to ask for a goodnight text.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always at least text goodnight with my kids. But typically they want more contact with me than I would feel like I need. I get periodic texts all day from them. Most contact is through texting.

This is the same for us. Definitely texting is the primary method when they're away. But our DD texts regularly, whether on a trip or when she's at college. That's just her personality, not any requirement from us. There is a wide variance among friends. Some are similar to her and others rarely check in.

[Anonymous]

I personally don't need check-ins daily. But I see nothing wrong with that.

However, the driving part is what would concern me. I'd just ask for a text that they arrived safely, and maybe one to tell me they were on their way back home. But that's just me. That's how we do it among adults in our family now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parents are there, why would a 17-year-old need to check in more than once every couple of days?! Do you know the family? Is there some trust issue? I have a 17-year-old girl who has spent time most summers off at soccer ID camps, at the beach, etc., and my expectations are to hear from her when she arrives, a couple of times during the time away, and right before she leaves. Others may have different expectations, but that's how we do it.

Define there - not all parents will supervise and check in. Some may just be sleeping in the same house, which is very different from knowing where the girls are, checking in with them, etc.

OP here - this is how I'm interpreting the situation. Although I have met the parents, I don't know them well. Girls are also driving on their own separately from the parents.
This will be the first time DD has gone away with friends for more than a night or two. She's gone to camps and on organized group trips with "chaperones" several times. We don't expect that she check in on these trips, but this one is much less structured.

Thanks for the advice. I appreciate the various perspectives.

I would have never allowed my 17 year old to drive with a group of kids and be loosely supervised. Yes, she'll go to college soon but it does not involve driving in a car with a group that does not know where they are going. My husband's child and his girlfriend were seriously injured going away for a weekend (mom gave them permission and dad did not know) and goofing off in the car. She was not paying attention when driving.

[Anonymous]

I would text my child to say goodnight, I wouldn't expect her to remember to text me. Obviously if here was some emergency then I'm sure I would hear something from someone.