Anyone have kids with noticeable scars

[Anonymous]

Any advise appreciated. Our 8 year old daughter was born with a small sized (about a quarter) cosmetic defect on the crown of her head. We attempted to have it revised when she was 4, but the surgery, while not making things worse, really didn't make things better as the scar is now about 2 inches long and half an inch wide. THere's no way to style her hair that effectively covers it.

Obviously, there are kids with much more serious physical issues they deal with, but I'm starting to really feel for her. The plastic surgeon, at the time she was 4, said the only future options would be hair plugs which are uncomfortable and also not a guarantee of success when dealing with a scar. She knows that she can request we do this at any time and we will explore the option, but so far she's not shown any interest.

It's only been in the past year that she's started to mention kids making fun of her, or at least, being curious in a way that really bothers her. She's still very self assured and confident, and still doesn't seem upset, but I know as she moves into being a tween/teen these things can change. Just the regular body issues can start to seem so important that those ages. What led to this question is a group of pictures we just got from overnight camp. She's wearing a hat in every single one, including the evening campfire and in her pajamas at night.

I really don't want to bring it up or dwell, but I'm curious if anyone else has navigated this? Maybe it's really no different than the kids that will deal with bad acne or being much taller or shorter than average, but I really don't know. Thoughts welcome!

[Anonymous]

Depending on the actual location and shape of the scar, would extensions be an option?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depending on the actual location and shape of the scar, would extensions be an option?

No. It's on the crown of her head. Her hair is very curly and fine. The scar basically acts like a part, and the hair falls to either side of it unless a ton of blow drying and hairspray is involved. (Noticed this incidentally when she was done up for a wedding)

[Anonymous]

Blow dry her every other day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any advise appreciated. Our 8 year old daughter was born with a small sized (about a quarter) cosmetic defect on the crown of her head. We attempted to have it revised when she was 4, but the surgery, while not making things worse, really didn't make things better as the scar is now about 2 inches long and half an inch wide. THere's no way to style her hair that effectively covers it.

Obviously, there are kids with much more serious physical issues they deal with, but I'm starting to really feel for her. The plastic surgeon, at the time she was 4, said the only future options would be hair plugs which are uncomfortable and also not a guarantee of success when dealing with a scar. She knows that she can request we do this at any time and we will explore the option, but so far she's not shown any interest.

It's only been in the past year that she's started to mention kids making fun of her, or at least, being curious in a way that really bothers her. She's still very self assured and confident, and still doesn't seem upset, but I know as she moves into being a tween/teen these things can change. Just the regular body issues can start to seem so important that those ages. What led to this question is a group of pictures we just got from overnight camp. She's wearing a hat in every single one, including the evening campfire and in her pajamas at night.

I really don't want to bring it up or dwell, but I'm curious if anyone else has navigated this? Maybe it's really no different than the kids that will deal with bad acne or being much taller or shorter than average, but I really don't know. Thoughts welcome!

So, I'm just going to talk re the psychological aspects of this (and btw I'm in Los Angeles, and I firmly believe that the plastic surgeons on Rodeo and Bedford Drive can fix anything. I had a scar spot on my head, and they put in individual hairs.)

Ok back to the psychological. I have a niece who has alopecia that comes and goes. She's 13 now. At one point she was wearing wigs but she now just wears a baseball cap, or a hat, or nothing (because the wigs are itchy and hot).

It seems to be the kind of "defect" or "disability" that can really make one stronger because it doesn't affect her in any way but socially. She is such a sweet girl, but she's also quietly very mentally strong. This is a kid who will never bow to peer pressure; her experiences "inoculated" her against it.

I'm not recommending any course of action for your DD, OP, because you know the situation and can figure it out, but I did want to share the flip side of the coin.

[Anonymous]

I have a scar right in the front middle of the top of my head, caused by a freak swingset accident. The scar is about the size of a quarter, and I haven't been able to part my hair in the center since 5th grade. Tell her to thank her luck stars she is a girl and not a boy with short hair and that in time she will be better at hairstyling to hide it. No one has a perfect body, scars maybe visible on young bodies but by middle age we all have defects.

[Anonymous]

PP. wanted to add that my parents felt terrible and explored hairplugs for me, it ultimately we decided against plastic surgery because it really is cosmetic.

[Anonymous]

I have a scar on my lip from a cleft lip repair right after I was born. I really never gave it any thought. I was a very shy child but the scar had nothing to do with my shyness. When I was in HS my parents asked if I felt bad about it and offered to have further work done if I wanted to and I was so surprised. It really had never given me a bit of worry but it clearly had been on their mind.

Similarly, my DD has a very discolored front tooth and I've asked her a couple times about it and let her know we can have it capped if she wants that. She doesn't care about it at all.

So, I think it's good to let your DD know something can be done if the scar bothers her but also don't push it if she's not bothered by it.

[Anonymous]

My DS has the same condition - born with it and surgery did not fix it. All I can say is, it gets better - not the scar or appearance itself, but how your child will handle it. I won't lie - how she handles it may get worse before it gets better, but eventually it will get better. My son used to have a very hard time with it - whenever he was new at school or there were new kids (or even teachers) who would ask about it, sometimes innocently and other times possibly cruelly (or at least that was how it felt to him). Once he was in middle school it seemed to die down, possibly because everyone becomes self conscious at that point? One key thing is for you to work with her on a prepared explanation or response for her to say when she gets questions. For my son, what sometimes worked was playing up that he had surgery and had his head cut open (to try to stretch the skin to close the scar area) - it sounded like a cool story vs. something he felt embarrassed about. I'm sorry your daughter has to go through this. I agree with a PP that she will become very tough, and also she'll probably be very good at accepting others for who and how they are because she knows how rotten it can feel for people noticing that you're different.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry that your daughter is facing these challenges, OP. It is tough. I have significant visible scars as the result of a childhood accident. I agree with other posters that it will always be a part of your daughter's life. The most important thing for her to realize is that she has done nothing wrong and the problem is not her. The second most important things for her to realize is that she cannot control other people, she can only control how she reacts to them. Then work with her on different reactions for when situations present themselves.

Finally, I would take her to a really top-notch salon and work with a stylist to develop a hair style that will minimize the area without hair. There may be some options that you have not considered, especially these days when girls are much more creative and less rigid about hair styles then back in our day or the days of our mothers. And then consider extensions or other alternatives based on the stylist's suggestions.

Hugs to you and your daughter.

[Anonymous]

My son, who is very conscious about his appearance, has a scar on the back of his head where hair doesn't grow. He can cover it if he grows his hair long but most of the time he likes it short. He doesn't care about the scar even though kids tease about it. So I say, why borrow trouble. Let her guide you. If she wants to look at treatment, then do it together. But don't read anything into the hate.

[Anonymous]

Danita at Sugar House in Alexandria is a cancer survivor. She has many, many resources because of her own experiences. She is quite skilled with lots of tricks up her sleeve. She also is a very kind and caring human being. If anyone can help your daughter find a hair style that minimizes the area it is Danita.

[Anonymous]

No advice, just hugs. My 4 yo has a scar on her forehead from an accident and I'm hoping it doesn't bother her in the future.

I have a large surgical scar on my chest that I was very self conscious about because my mother insisted it be covered; now I no longer care. I also see so many guys with short hair that shows crazy scalp scars (I know it's different for men).

[Anonymous]

I have a long scar on back of head and had tattoo done. It looks like 5 o'clock shadow and make it blend in better.

[Anonymous]

Have you ever tried root cover spray just to blend it in with her hair more? Or just wearing her hair half up and half down to nuetralize it?

I think these are solutions you should offer if she comes to you. Otherwise, we all have imperfections and it is best to accept them and love ourselves anyway. Does she have a script to say when kids ask? Having a few answers to questions/rude comments might help.