Grandparents that don't live nearby

[Anonymous]

Do you feel it's your obligation to visit grandparents or their obligation to come to you if you don't live close by? We're about 9 hours from grandparents by plane/ longer car ride. They are retired and well off financially. My kids are 1.5 and 4.5 and haven't seen them for 6 months with no plans in the near future. DH and I have full time jobs and are dealing with new positions and the demands of getting up to speed with those. I'm struggling with whether I should just accept that they're not that interested. For what it's worth, they're in good health and like to travel. Am I being unreasonable? 6 months seems like a long time to go with kids this age.

[Anonymous]

In your situation, I would expect the grandparents to travel to you. Maybe they are waiting for an invitation? Have you spoken to them about visiting?

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't feel obligated to go visit them. Are they constantly bringing up that you should come and visit? If so, then yeah, I'd probably feel pressure to do so and probably would try to make it, if possible. If they do not bring it up, then maybe for them 6 months without a visit is ok. It really depends on the family.

My in-laws are halfway across the world and come to visit 1x a year, sometimes twice. My husband wanted to go visit them with our daughter but I wasn't up to it - with 3 flights each way with a very young child. If they couldn't visit then I'd perhaps reconsider.

[Anonymous]

Op, here. Should also add that they have quite a few other grandkids, all oh whom live at least a few hours from them. Sometimes I think they get enough time with the closer grandkids.

[Anonymous]

My kids are the exact same age, and we're going through the same thing with my parents (their only grandparents), but my parents are only a 2.5-hour drive away. I guess I'll suck it up and drive up for a visit this summer, since my parents aren't interested in visiting. Fwiw, we've started Skyping so that helps fill the void.

[Anonymous]

We're in the same position. I tell them they're welcome anytime, but that we do not have the time off to travel to them.

[Anonymous]

My parents live a a flight away, and they come 3x a year and we go once. My in-laws live 3 hours away, and they come 1-3 times a year bc it coincides with their work. I don't think they'd come otherwise. We go up there about 5-7 times a year bc there is other family stuff that we don't want to miss. But - when we lived a flight away from my in-laws, they came once a year and we visited once a year.

[Anonymous]

Maybe get your kids to talk to them on the phone more often. Then they may be more motivated to come and visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, here. Should also add that they have quite a few other grandkids, all oh whom live at least a few hours from them. Sometimes I think they get enough time with the closer grandkids.

Oh that's a bummer, OP, sorry. My parents are also a 10 hour drive and my mom flies in every 6 weeks or so for the weekend. We go up there around twice a year because my dad's health isn't good enough to travel. If he could make the trip, I would expect them to come to us. Are they your parents or his? My MIL also prefers another grandchild, and I forced the relationship because "not that interested" wasn't a good enough excuse for me. They may have lots of grandkids, but MY kids only have two sets of grandparents. Can you suggest specific times for them to visit? "Hey, we haven't seen you in a really long time. We have the long weekend over Labor Day free and would love to host if you want to come see the kids!"

[Anonymous]

My parents are on the west coast. Their house is disgusting as they are "renovating," so it's a convenient excuse for not going there. One parent flies east and visits about 3x/year, plus facetimes once every few weeks. The other parent is an absentee grandparent and has seen DD only a handful of times.

[Anonymous]

Have you been extending invitations? They might just feel like they don't want to impose! I'd absolutely say "let's pick a weekend for you guys to come down!"

[Anonymous]

You have a choice. If you want your children to have a relationship with their grandparents, you travel to them, if they will not travel to you. My parents were a 7-8 hour drive from us and we travel 3 for their because I wanted my children to know their grandparents more. My parents decided to be 'holiday and vacation' grandparents (after some bait and switch). I wanted it to be more, but it is what it is. Both are gone now and I am glad I made the effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have a choice. If you want your children to have a relationship with their grandparents, you travel to them, if they will not travel to you. My parents were a 7-8 hour drive from us and we travel 3 for their because I wanted my children to know their grandparents more. My parents decided to be 'holiday and vacation' grandparents (after some bait and switch). I wanted it to be more, but it is what it is. Both are gone now and I am glad I made the effort.

. We traveled 3x for their 1 time on average.

[Anonymous]

I think it's the obligation of you and DH to travel with kids to Grandparents, minimally, once a year. Grandparents should know that they can come visit you, and then it's on them to do it (since they are in good health/finances) It's the adult child and the grandkids that are monumentally more important. If you ever can't travel all together as a family, that's ok, but parents need to see their own (adult) child and their grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

^ I wish I hadn't always been right by my husband's side, always. It never really occurred to me to encourage alone time between he and his parents without me. They would have really appreciated that.