What does this behavior sound like to you?

[Anonymous]

Not asking for a diagnosis. Just wondering if anyone has ever experienced this. My son has ADHD and other issues. Haven't do a np yet because he's young. He is rigid yes but not really about routines. Instead we will be going somewhere and say i say we need to go to for 301. He freaks out and wants to go to door 302. He does this about things like the schedule for example, no let's go here first and then etc. he sometimes gets upset about which way we turn when driving. It's so exhausting.

Has anyone dealt with anything similar?

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure I totally understand you -- you're saying he always wants to go to the same place and in the same way? That kind of inflexibility is common with ASD and ADHD.

If his inflexibility is causing problems with daily life, I recommend Unstuck and On Target.

[Anonymous]

OP here - no, it arises more in unfamiliar situations or free time. Say we are running errands and I say, first strabucks then grocery store or climb gym he will flip out about the order. Or if I say, okay, we are going to room 602! He will scream no, I want to go to 604 and have a tantrum. About that. It is so hard to be patient about it. He is 5, btw. Just obstinate for the sake of obstinate. I am sure there is some anxiety but it really feels like a huge need for control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - no, it arises more in unfamiliar situations or free time. Say we are running errands and I say, first strabucks then grocery store or climb gym he will flip out about the order. Or if I say, okay, we are going to room 602! He will scream no, I want to go to 604 and have a tantrum. About that. It is so hard to be patient about it. He is 5, btw. Just obstinate for the sake of obstinate. I am sure there is some anxiety but it really feels like a huge need for control.

I suggest reading about collaborative problem solving. That would give you tools to enlist him in making decisions. Maybe you can let him decide the order of errands.

For the room number thing, is he just choosing a different room to be different from you or because he's been to each of those rooms before and knows what he prefers?

No one is obstinate just for the sake of being unpleasant. There's a reason behind his actions -- anxiety and need for control are two you've identified. See what you can do to meet those needs.

[Anonymous]

This is how my asd son is.

[Anonymous]

Is he flipping out because you're not doing whatever it is in the way that he's "stuck" on? Or is he flipping out in general refusal?

In other words, when he says "I want to go to 604", is it because he really wants to go to 604 or because he really doesn't want to go to 602?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he flipping out because you're not doing whatever it is in the way that he's "stuck" on? Or is he flipping out in general refusal?

In other words, when he says "I want to go to 604", is it because he really wants to go to 604 or because he really doesn't want to go to 602?

I think a bit of both. How should I handle this? I do talk about what we're going to do ahead of time.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like what you said, a need for control. I would try to find opportunities where he can make the decisions. Like, "We are going out to lunch, do you choose McDonalds or Wendys?" Hopefully, you being okay with either choice, that will somewhat satisfy his desire for some power in his life.

When he makes random proclamations about which door you should go into or which turn you should make, maybe if you just say, "Sorry, my choice. Your choice is coming soon!" and then find another opportunity for him to be the decider soon. Even little things, like "Shall we take the stairs or the elevator?"

Just my suggestion, kids often feel very powerless and it bothers some more than others.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like anxiety with transitions and the unknown and he is trying to control things to feel more comfortable. Hard to say without more info.

[Anonymous]

In my son the need for control was a manifestation of his anxiety. I think he felt out-of-control in general and would therefore try to exert control on things that, to me, were so unimportant and illogical.

Our approach to this sort of thing was constantly prepping him about what was going to happen, without overly asserting my control over him (more like first we are going to do this, then we are going to do this). We basically prepped him for years about EVERYTHING and it was shockingly effective.

Of course, one can't prepare for the unexpected and these situations continued to be problematic until we were able to lower his overall anxiety which is a harder, much slower, process, but worth the time and effort in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Unstuck and on Target can still help with this. Teaches coping strategies like compromising and planning to help the child maintain a sense of control and to get what he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unstuck and on Target can still help with this. Teaches coping strategies like compromising and planning to help the child maintain a sense of control and to get what he wants.

+1

[Anonymous]

It doesn't really matter if it's ASD or ADHD, he needs problem solving skills and so do you as a parent.