So I married a momma's boy
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Anonymous
| As background, my DH lost his father at 8 and his mother did not start another serious relationship until DH was 20; she was solely focused on raising the kids and has a particularly strong attachment with DH relative to his sister. She lives 3000 miles away so he relies on her more for counsel and emotional support. I never made much of this, thought it was good for him to have another outlet. Now we have child number 1 and I have just realized the tremendous influence his mother has on him. If the kid is sick he immediately calls his mom and very often wants to override my decisions. The more I pay attention the more I notice the influence his mother has in every decision he makes, from jobs to child rearing etc, decisions that impact our family. I have broached the subject with him but he glosses over it, does not want to deal with it. How to set boundaries, when she does not say anything to me directly? |
Anonymous
| I am/was in the same boat. I ignored all but the really important stuff and now, 25 years later, she stills wants to weigh in and he lets her have her say and than WE decide. Let it roll and keep the sex coming - Momma can't do THAT. Do not fall into the trap of becoming only a mother in your house in his eyes - you can't outdo his mother. |
Anonymous
| How long did you date before getting married? I would think that if he truely was a mammas boy it would've been a parent from the get-go. |
Anonymous
| You need counseling. I don't say that with any negative connotation to it. Your husband just needs help with (1) seeing the dynamic for what it is (2) understanding why it's important to change the dynamic and (3) how to trust himself and you more so he can rely on her less. And you are going to need help not killing him, lots and lots of it. |
Anonymous
| And sorry, the "you" in the first sentence is "both of you". Together and maybe separately too. |
Anonymous
I'm guessing he won't go to counseling unless his momma tells him to 
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Anonymous
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You sound like my DIL. She's jealous. Not normal jealousy but full on HATE. I personally don't have time for her crap so I stay away. I don't even see the kids. My son calls regularly on his way to work to chit chat and complain about being whipped. We get pictures periodically,
I let it ride because when we die, Miss Disrespectful and her husband PW will not be getting any inheritance, something he thinks he's getting and something she's depending on. So you all keep on being a bitch and see how far you can push. The push back hurts more. |
Anonymous
Your DIL is JEALOUS of you, OP? What is she jealous OF? |
Anonymous
| Mine is one also - it was part of what I liked about him - that he's respectful and really loves his mom - but after having a kid the dynamic became awful. Particularly since she's a 'baby expert' who has antiquated beliefs and she inserted herself into our 1 bedroom apartment at that time. Hang in there! I was totally post-partum and handled it poorly, and he was a total wimp and left me out to dry (emotionally) a few times. Hold firm on the things you care about, take anything good and helpful from her/his advice and bring in other experts and ignore/disregard your husband/mil when needed. Hopefully they'll start to get it eventually. My MIL is now closer with her other grandchildren than my kids - which is her loss. Thankfully my kids don't seem to have picked up on that. |
Anonymous
Not pp but my dil is jealous of the fact that I am a successful professional in a field I love, financially secure, have lots of good friends and am not a bossy mess of nerves. It happens. DS is not a mammas boy though and I have no plans to disinherit anyone. |
Anonymous
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Well you married him which means the influence his mother had in every decision he made up until the day you said "I do" was perfectly okay evidently, right? Now all the sudden his decision-making is all wrong and her influence is so evil and corrupt.
Gimmie a break lady. |
Anonymous
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Have you talked with him about it? Asked him why he calls his mom first before talking things through with you? Call him on it, tell him it bothers you.
I think the Pp is right the counseling might help, but these are the conversations that will get you there |
Anonymous
Sometimes it is not so noticeable-- also she says it has gotten worse since they had a child. She's has every right to speak up. |
Anonymous
what does PW stand for? |
Anonymous
Hm. The one who sounds like the real issue with this situation is YOU. I think you may be more like OP's MIL, but in denial. Work on that |