Live near family or in a place we enjoy?

[Anonymous]

DH and I met in college in DC. We continued to live in DC for a few years after college and began our careers there.

We're both from the Central Florida area and neither of us particularly wanted to return to Florida other than for the reason that we missed our families. We ended up moving to Orlando, which is about 30-45 minutes away from both of our sets of parents, when I got pregnant. We're happy to be able to see our families often and we're grateful for all of the support our parents have provided. We're both pretty close with our parents and see them about once a week.

The thing is: we hate Florida. The only silver lining is the proximity to family. The weather is terrible, the people are mostly pretty dumb and uneducated, there is little to do, and career opportunities are pretty scarce. We'd both rather live in the DC area and feel it would be a better environment for our children, too. However, we'd feel terrible abandoning our parents (particularly as they're getting older) and we'd like our children to see their grandparents on a regular basis and have that sort of close relationship with them.

At the end of the day, we probably won't move. We'll just stay miserable in Orlando. Anyone else been in a similar situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I met in college in DC. We continued to live in DC for a few years after college and began our careers there.

We're both from the Central Florida area and neither of us particularly wanted to return to Florida other than for the reason that we missed our families. We ended up moving to Orlando, which is about 30-45 minutes away from both of our sets of parents, when I got pregnant. We're happy to be able to see our families often and we're grateful for all of the support our parents have provided. We're both pretty close with our parents and see them about once a week.

The thing is: we hate Florida. The only silver lining is the proximity to family. The weather is terrible, the people are mostly pretty dumb and uneducated, there is little to do, and career opportunities are pretty scarce. We'd both rather live in the DC area and feel it would be a better environment for our children, too. However, we'd feel terrible abandoning our parents (particularly as they're getting older) and we'd like our children to see their grandparents on a regular basis and have that sort of close relationship with them.

At the end of the day, we probably won't move. We'll just stay miserable in Orlando. Anyone else been in a similar situation?

If you really hate living there, then you should move, so you can subtract from the population of "dumb" people you claim live there.

[Anonymous]

If you choose to move away from family please don't become one of those who posts constantly about how you live away from family and have no help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I met in college in DC. We continued to live in DC for a few years after college and began our careers there.

We're both from the Central Florida area and neither of us particularly wanted to return to Florida other than for the reason that we missed our families. We ended up moving to Orlando, which is about 30-45 minutes away from both of our sets of parents, when I got pregnant. We're happy to be able to see our families often and we're grateful for all of the support our parents have provided. We're both pretty close with our parents and see them about once a week.

The thing is: we hate Florida. The only silver lining is the proximity to family. The weather is terrible, the people are mostly pretty dumb and uneducated, there is little to do, and career opportunities are pretty scarce. We'd both rather live in the DC area and feel it would be a better environment for our children, too. However, we'd feel terrible abandoning our parents (particularly as they're getting older) and we'd like our children to see their grandparents on a regular basis and have that sort of close relationship with them.

At the end of the day, we probably won't move. We'll just stay miserable in Orlando. Anyone else been in a similar situation?

Lol, DC weather sucks also, IMO, though there are more cultural events here. I think you should move to California, and realize you won't have your kids frequent contact with grandparents

[Anonymous]

I'm from north Florida, parents still there. Live in DC area.
Florida really is a whole different world, isn't it.
It's a production to get the family down to FL to see the grandparents.
Traffic here is bad, our weather is no picnic either. Cost of living in general way higher. Even houses in Way outer suburbs are probably way way more expensive than Orlando.

[Anonymous]

Can't you find somewhere you like better in Florida? Your parents won't be around forever, and if they are starting to need help, that will only increase. Also, thinking ahead for your kids, I would bet college prospects a lot better for well-educated students coming from Florida versus the DC area (such a glut of high-pressure public and privates make it hard for good students to stand out). I would try to find everything you can like in Florida and embrace the fact that you can be at beautiful beaches quickly, your kids can play outdoor sports year-round (so if they end up liking soft/baseball, tennis, soccer, etc., they will be better at it than northern counterparts), etc.

[Anonymous]

DH and I moved to a place we both like. We are closer to his parents but not close enough to see them often. We are a plane ride from my parents. They would have loved it if we stayed near them-- and still make comments about how we need to move closer to them, not thinking that we are already settled in very good, stable jobs.

Problem is, if we did what my parents wanted us to do, we would be the ones living very difficult lives in an expensive neighborhood, barely with our heads above water trying to make it work to keep everyone happy except ourselves.

My parents chose to stay put in the same house they've been living in for 30+ years. They've lived their lives exactly where they wanted to. They got to make their choice. Sure, it would be nice if we had them nearby, but DH and I would have to travel 90 minutes each way to work, deal with lousy, expensive public transportation, wear ourselves down, never see our kids and get home after 7 pm every night, never take vacations, all to pay off an unbelievable mortgage in more or less the same neighborhood where I grew up.

In the meantime, my parents would be happy as anything, retired with lots of time on their hands watching us toil away. In the end, we opted to move away and have a more relaxed lifestyle that allows us more family time. I don't want to look back and ask myself, why didn't we make our lives easier and live where we really wanted to live.

[Anonymous]

We don't live anywhere near family and it's hard. My parents decided to retire to a place that's thousands of miles away (Hawaii and I grew up in the midwest), and they made the choice to be away from their only child and only grandchildren and choose location over family. My in-laws are in Arizona and had no plans to move away from there and we didn't want to move out that way. My kids are definitely missing out growing up without grandparents around, and holidays are really difficult and lonely. It's too hard to visit Hawaii more than once every other year given plane ticket cost, the distance, etc. Almost everyone I know has nearby family to help out and it makes such a difference. My husband and I are exhausted all the time, never have time to ourselves, and had our first date night when our oldest was 3 because it was so hard to find a reliable babysitter. I guess you could say we chose this because we didn't want to follow my parents to Hawaii or move back to Arizona to where my husband is from (he had no interest in moving back there). We have tried to make really good friends but they are busy with their own lives so it's definitely hard.

[Anonymous]

Go where you want to live your life. If you stay somewhere you hate just to be around your family, it will just turn into a big ball of resentment because you end up feeling trapped because you're worried about pleasing everyone but yourselves. They can come and visit, you can visit them.

[Anonymous]

We moved away from family and I miss them. I miss the help, I miss the comfort of home, I miss them as people, and I miss family time. But our day to day lives are happier where we are. We can afford better schools and nicer neighborhoods, we are surrounded by nicer and more down to earth people, and life is slower in a good way.

We visit home often. We have made friends to celebrate some holidays with, though we do on occasion find ourselves alone when we don't really want to be.

Holidays and some weekends were better at home. School and work and where we live are happier now. It's not an easy choice, but life is what you make of it, and you have to find what works for you, and work with what you've got given your choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go where you want to live your life. If you stay somewhere you hate just to be around your family, it will just turn into a big ball of resentment because you end up feeling trapped because you're worried about pleasing everyone but yourselves. They can come and visit, you can visit them.

But keep in mind your vacations will now become traveling to your parents, or then traveling to you. Gone are the days of spending your time other places. You'll end up spending it visiting family.

[Anonymous]

Isn't there some mind of compromise you could consider, so you get good parts of both worlds. Can you stay in FL but move farther north or closer to the coast for slightly cooler weather and/or more relief from hot temps? There must be some more educated cities - maybe Miami or Tampa? (I know nothing about FL!) The job prospect part is hard - I do think if you and spouse don't have decent career prospects, then I'd consider moving out of the area. But having family within driving distance is pretty special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go where you want to live your life. If you stay somewhere you hate just to be around your family, it will just turn into a big ball of resentment because you end up feeling trapped because you're worried about pleasing everyone but yourselves. They can come and visit, you can visit them.

But keep in mind your vacations will now become traveling to your parents, or then traveling to you. Gone are the days of spending your time other places. You'll end up spending it visiting family.

There is always the possibility of telling parents to meet you somewhere else you can all enjoy. There isn't just one way to do it and not have to feel like all of your time off is spent in some boring suburb or small city without much activity, especially if parents are retired and have the time to travel elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Move. There are great flights from Orlando to everywhere. Budget money to visit.

[Anonymous]

Your kids are going to at some point start to identify with and emulate their peers. Are the Orlando folk someone with whom you'd want your kids identifying? We had a friend who wanted to raise his kids in "the country" which was fine until the kid became a teen and started to get into all sorts of country mischief and never really recovered academically and socially. Get out now. Orlando is the worst place in the US IMHO.