Live near family or in a place we enjoy?

[Anonymous]

This is a tough one, OP. Normally I would say you should stay near family, but FL is really bad. Would your parents move with you to somewhere else?

Fwiw, I'm trying to to move close to my parents in a very expensive part of CA, and I share PPs resentment that parents don't care how poor our lives would be there, or that they could easily move. We'll likely stay in DC even though I don't care for it.

[Anonymous]

You can stay in Fl if you wish. Just don't burden your children with the expectation that they will have to do the same thing.

[Anonymous]

Life is too short to stay in a place that makes you miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is too short to stay in a place that makes you miserable.

I meant to add that, if you move then you could still visit. For example, it would easier for family to join you on a nice vacation somewhere other than your hometown.

[Anonymous]

We lived in DC. My parents lived in the burbs, but that was a non-factor when deciding to move to DC in the first place. Parents then retired to Florida. DH's family lives 4 to 8 hours away, depending on who is is (mom, dad, sis).

Fast forward. I'm pregnant and DH gets an offer in the same city as sister an a couple hours from mom. So we move.

TERRIBLE DECISION.

I hate the city we move to. I hate raising my kid there. MIL and SIL are self-absorbed twits who have never thought about another person but woe to anyone who doesn't put their needs, wants, and desires first.

Moved back to DC as soon as possible. Absolutely the right decision for us.

[Anonymous]

When our kids were young we moved to N. California while our parents were in NJ and FL. We were lucky if we saw them more than once a year. We missed them and our kids never really got to spend a ton of time with them though they were very close. It's something we regret. Now our kids are married with kids of their own and for half the year we all live less than an hour apart, one just 1 minute from us. This weekend we were all together and it was wonderful. But unlike OP our kids all like where they live which makes a huge difference. If the job opportunities were limited and they didn't like the area I'd encourage my kids to find some place that would make them happy ideally only one time zone away. Let the parents come visit them and be willing to pay their airfare if money is an issue. In terms of Florida, Orlando is a strange/transient place. Consider the Tampa area which is much nicer.

[Anonymous]

Orlando is a cesspool. You sound as miserable as I did when I lived in Florida. Florida is a terrible place to grow up (as you know) and you should hit the road as soon as you can. I would love to have family nearby, but it is better this way. Plus once you're out of there you notice how awful it really was. You deserve better. Move!!

Ps- most people posting are here to vent. It's totally okay, this is where people vent! However I'd caution against taking their advice.

[Anonymous]

OP I'd take FL over DC any day! The weather is a hundred times better plus you don't have to live in Orlando. Move to one of the beach towns or wealthier areas. If you're talking about dumb people there are plenty of those in DC.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can't you find somewhere you like better in Florida? Your parents won't be around forever, and if they are starting to need help, that will only increase. Also, thinking ahead for your kids, I would bet college prospects a lot better for well-educated students coming from Florida versus the DC area (such a glut of high-pressure public and privates make it hard for good students to stand out). I would try to find everything you can like in Florida and embrace the fact that you can be at beautiful beaches quickly, your kids can play outdoor sports year-round (so if they end up liking soft/baseball, tennis, soccer, etc., they will be better at it than northern counterparts), etc.

This seems like a happy compromise OP.

[Anonymous]

Florida has great weather, beaches, and tons to do. With it's landscape and culture it's possible to take off for a weekend without having to leave the state. DC is the petri dish for the virus infecting America. You have a bunch of 30 year olds still trying to show off their entry level positions by handing out business cards for a congressional office or obscure think tank - a job that barely pays rent. The poverty rate is out of control, traffic and the weather sucks. High crime.. Of course if you like museums DC is great but that gets old.

OP maybe you both should travel to various places then decide or compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you find somewhere you like better in Florida? Your parents won't be around forever, and if they are starting to need help, that will only increase. Also, thinking ahead for your kids, I would bet college prospects a lot better for well-educated students coming from Florida versus the DC area (such a glut of high-pressure public and privates make it hard for good students to stand out). I would try to find everything you can like in Florida and embrace the fact that you can be at beautiful beaches quickly, your kids can play outdoor sports year-round (so if they end up liking soft/baseball, tennis, soccer, etc., they will be better at it than northern counterparts), etc.

This seems like a happy compromise OP.

Satellite Beach. Live as close to the water as possible. That' the only way Florida is tolerable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can't you find somewhere you like better in Florida? Your parents won't be around forever, and if they are starting to need help, that will only increase. Also, thinking ahead for your kids, I would bet college prospects a lot better for well-educated students coming from Florida versus the DC area (such a glut of high-pressure public and privates make it hard for good students to stand out). I would try to find everything you can like in Florida and embrace the fact that you can be at beautiful beaches quickly, your kids can play outdoor sports year-round (so if they end up liking soft/baseball, tennis, soccer, etc., they will be better at it than northern counterparts), etc.

This seems like a happy compromise OP.

Satellite Beach. Live as close to the water as possible. That' the only way Florida is tolerable.

I've been all over Florida. Many nice beach cities and culture. DC? lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I met in college in DC. We continued to live in DC for a few years after college and began our careers there.

We're both from the Central Florida area and neither of us particularly wanted to return to Florida other than for the reason that we missed our families. We ended up moving to Orlando, which is about 30-45 minutes away from both of our sets of parents, when I got pregnant. We're happy to be able to see our families often and we're grateful for all of the support our parents have provided. We're both pretty close with our parents and see them about once a week.

The thing is: we hate Florida. The only silver lining is the proximity to family. The weather is terrible, the people are mostly pretty dumb and uneducated, there is little to do, and career opportunities are pretty scarce. We'd both rather live in the DC area and feel it would be a better environment for our children, too. However, we'd feel terrible abandoning our parents (particularly as they're getting older) and we'd like our children to see their grandparents on a regular basis and have that sort of close relationship with them.

At the end of the day, we probably won't move. We'll just stay miserable in Orlando. Anyone else been in a similar situation?

Semi-similar...I'd like to move to the west coast for professional reasons, but family proximity is an issue, especially with a young kid (proximity is an issue for relationships with grandparents/relatives, not really for help). If we could afford to travel to see them as much as we wanted, it would be easier to consider a big move, but we can't. So I'd say your travel budget and flexibility are big factors.

I agree with PP that grandparents won't be around forever, but neither will you. As others have noted, life is too short to be miserable. Can you spend longer blocks of quality time together on a less regular basis? Do either of you have the job flexibility where you could take the kids for a week or a long weekend every couple of months? Can the grandparents move?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I met in college in DC. We continued to live in DC for a few years after college and began our careers there.

We're both from the Central Florida area and neither of us particularly wanted to return to Florida other than for the reason that we missed our families. We ended up moving to Orlando, which is about 30-45 minutes away from both of our sets of parents, when I got pregnant. We're happy to be able to see our families often and we're grateful for all of the support our parents have provided. We're both pretty close with our parents and see them about once a week.

The thing is: we hate Florida. The only silver lining is the proximity to family. The weather is terrible, the people are mostly pretty dumb and uneducated, there is little to do, and career opportunities are pretty scarce. We'd both rather live in the DC area and feel it would be a better environment for our children, too. However, we'd feel terrible abandoning our parents (particularly as they're getting older) and we'd like our children to see their grandparents on a regular basis and have that sort of close relationship with them.

At the end of the day, we probably won't move. We'll just stay miserable in Orlando. Anyone else been in a similar situation?

Semi-similar...I'd like to move to the west coast for professional reasons, but family proximity is an issue, especially with a young kid (proximity is an issue for relationships with grandparents/relatives, not really for help). If we could afford to travel to see them as much as we wanted, it would be easier to consider a big move, but we can't. So I'd say your travel budget and flexibility are big factors.

I agree with PP that grandparents won't be around forever, but neither will you. As others have noted, life is too short to be miserable. Can you spend longer blocks of quality time together on a less regular basis? Do either of you have the job flexibility where you could take the kids for a week or a long weekend every couple of months? Can the grandparents move?

Us too! I wish we could move back to the West Coast, but both of our small families are here and we are afraid to even to bring up our desire as they get so upset. I declined a couple of job opportunities just to remain in this area, but I really wish we could move.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I moved our family of 5 one year ago from VA to CO. It was extremely hard for his family. And while I love them, and my family who are also there, we weren't happy living there. We absolutely love CO. We love where we live, we love the community we have chosen, we love the weather, we love the people, I could go on and on. Move to where you will be happy. You cannot live your life for other people. We visit when we can, but do not spend every holiday there. If they are your family and love you, they would want you to choose whatever makes you happy.
Good luck.