Rising 7th grader picking her own electives?
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Anonymous
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My DH and I are having a disagreement and I'd like your opinion.
Our 6th grade DD is in middle school and can pick 3 electives (language, band, art, computer programming, drama etc). When she was transitioning from elementary to Middle school we discussed with her her options, she chose which ones she was interested in and that's what she enrolled in. This spring she went ahead and chose her 3 electives without consulting her father or I. Her father is upset that she didn't tell us she was choosing and thinks we should weigh in on her choices (he's upset she switched from Spanish to French). I think her choosing by herself is fine. I would have liked her to discuss it with us but I like she has some freedom at a young age (7th grade) and can learn from her choices. He is really upset with her for not talking with us first and wants to let her know she shouldn't have done that (and that we should weigh in on her choices). Good thing is we decided to sleep on it and talk it through again before we talk with her. What do you think - should she have consulted us? Should she be able to choose on her own without us weighing in? TIA! |
Anonymous
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Find out her reasons for switching to French and make sure they are good ones.
At my son's school, he couldn't pick courses without my signature. I don't think it is wrong for her to make her own choices, but it is wrong if you were supposed to have signed off. |
Anonymous
| She should have consulted you. But she has the final say. |
Anonymous
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My kid picked on his own. When I heard he'd signed himself up for Chinese, I immediately said no problem, I'll call the school and get you switched to Spanish. FF to the end of 7th grade and he really likes Chinese and does reasonably well in it, which for a mediocre student is a big deal.
Moral of the story: sometimes they know what they want. Here's the kicker: he signed up for Chinese because he's obsessed with Japanese anime and thought learning Chinese would help him w/Japanese!! Figured out on day 1 that was not the case. So the other moral of the story is that they don't always know what they don't know at this age! |
Anonymous
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This is a choice that needs input and discussion from you parents. Yes, she should get a huge say, but not absolute power to choose solo. Why? Because certainly by eighth grade, her elective choices one year ( or one semester) can have an effect on whether, for instance, she can take other courses the next year--by high school, some levels of electives require prerequisite earlier levels, for instance) and on her overall schedule options. She may not be thinking about things like that now but after next year, courses do need to be plotted out with an eye on all of HS ahead. Even electives. You are there to ask questions a sixth (or seventh or eighth) grader just doesn't have the experience to know to ask.
I also agree with PP who said the language switch does need attention. Now is a good time to change if she dislikes Spanish or has serious trouble with it, but she should have talked with you and been asked to reason out loud about her desire to change. She might have heard from other kids that French is easier and she's changing just based on that--or she might have some real reason to want a change. You should find out what her thinking is; it might be OK or might be based on nothing. I will add that sticking with a language year after year if you really dislike it is a recipe for failure, and middle school is a good place to try new ones out; but it really does need discussion. More importantly, OP, from now on you should be aware of things like the general time frame for class choices for the upcoming school year. It will fall around the same time each year. You should know when to mention, "It's almost time for class choices for next year--bring the paperwork to me the day you get it and we'll look at it together." Many schools start the process in January; ask her counselor at the start of next year how it's done. I'm surprised the you did not have to sign off on a form. It's good that she wanted to take charge of her own schooling like this (unless maybe she did it out of some worry that dad would be angry about Spanish, so she made it a done deal without him?....). I'd tell her that while it's good she was proactive, you as parents are there to help her navigate this, and you also can help her better if there are no surprises that weren't discussed. |
Anonymous
| It's 7th grade. This isn't a big deal. It doesn't matter in the scheme of life. You've never heard a homeless person say "It all went to shit after I chose Spanish instead of French' if only I'd asked my parents what they wanted me to do," or an old person on their death bed say "My one regret in life is that I took chorus instead of orchestra." |
Anonymous
| Somehow my son was always able to turn his selection in without my signature as well. |
Anonymous
| I love the initiative. I can't image why it matters whether she takes more Spanish or takes French. It isn't like this is a decision that would prevent her from graduating on time. If you want more communication, maybe the best thing is to help her understand what you have to offer. |
Anonymous
If they want more communication with her they should not get angry with her for every little thing and remember she's not their little science experiment, but her own person. |
Anonymous
I agree. I ask DD what she signed up for but never demanded to be involved. Her school never sent home forms because teachers and admin want the kids to choose electives they're interested in. I don't remember asking my parents' permission to take specific classes when I was in middle school. Definitely not in high school. |
Anonymous
Without consulting I? 
Good for her. |
Anonymous
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Hmm. I have to say that I agree with letting your child take the lead in their choices so they have more ownership of it. That being said, i sure as hell
want to see the form before it's turned in! That way we can have conversations on any concerns ("I hate Spanish and want to switch" versus "I heard French is easier."). |
Anonymous
| I would also want to be in "the loop". While the decision is hers, you should have some input during the process. Is it possible that some students could choose an art class instead of a language? Some kids take the easier route without understanding the future implications. Find out the procedure at her school (parent signature) and tell her you are interested in her choices and want to be involved. |
Anonymous
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In our family, DD has the primary say. DW always wants DD to take more art classes, both in MS and HS.
In MS, I looked at it more as preparation for when it mattered. Now, DD is in HS. DD has it mapped out: she gets has seven periods and is required to take 5 classes until the Junior year, and 4 classes in her senior year. (PE ended after the soph. year; she will not be *required* to take a math as a senior, but probably will). DW wants her to take home ec or fine arts. DD's electives are Band and Language (Latin). That will be two of her electives through HS. The other one in Jr. Yr. will be AP Env Sci, and senior, geosystems and something TBD. |
Anonymous
| I'll side with your husband here. As a pp said, these choices and matter for high school pathways and most middle schoolers aren't thinking along those lines. If this is mcps, middle school foreign language classes go on your high school transcript. From the perspective of future college applications, I'm not sure it is the best path to switch languages after only one year - colleges want to see students stick with a language and master it at a high level, not switch year to year. If your school system doesn't have the same policy of counting middle school language classes toward high school (which is a ridiculous policy in my opinion), then I would be much less concerned about my child switching language choice but still would want to talk to her to make sure the choice was fully thought through. Also there are engineering/tech type electives one can take in my kids' mcps middle school that put you onto a certain pathway for classes in high school. So again, I just think that a child's middle school and even high school schedules need parent input and approval. |