Rising 7th grader picking her own electives?

[Anonymous]

At the parent night in MS, it was stressed to let the kids pick the electives on their own. The teachers and admins all agreed that it's better for them to make a wrong choice and learn from it than to force them into a class they don't want to be in and fight with them all year.

I thought that was excellent advice. Plus, my daughter's MS schedule was already so full of advanced academic classes that were required that allowing her to pick two fun electives allowed her to feel like she had some control. Our MS made each kid pick one language elective, one music elective (band, guitar, chorus), and two other electives that were each half year courses (general art, pottery, drama, cooking, tech class, woodworking).

Fact is, the third category are all "fun" classes, really. Yes, they'll learn skills in them all, but I don't see the academic merit in one over the other.

[Anonymous]

Parent of a rising 9th grader and 7th grader. The school starts in 7th, so the 6th grade year they don't know the teachers and can't really talk to the teachers about their choice.

The 7th grade choice is dance, choir or orchestra. My younger kid is super-athletic and my big concern is she'll spontaneously combust on the bus ride, so I just selected dance for her--one more thing to get the energy out.

Meanwhile when my older one was going into that school as an incoming 7th, I picked choir because she's got a great voice. With both, I just sort of informed them and they were ok with it.

But the reason I did it that way was more that there is so much going on and I was just trying to check things off my list, rather than some idea that it was my decision and not theirs.

With my 8th-going-into-9th, I've now backed off. They discuss their options with their dean, etc, but like OP's DH, I want to be informed *before* the selection is final.

My DD basically explains what she's thinking of doing, and I say "great!" or offer "something to think about." For instance, in your situation, if she said, "I'm going to switch out to French," and I thought Spanish was a better choice for her, I'd first ask her why, and then say,

"Ok, look, it's your decision, (very important to say that first or their ears shut off) but before you click that button, let me just mention a few things for you to consider. First, we live in Southern California, and I don't know Spanish and it really would have helped me over the years. I took French and had no one to practice with so I never attained any sort of fluency. Second, you are already down the road with Spanish, (etc). Just think about it for 24 hours" (or "discuss it with your dean...")

I don't think this is any big deal, OP because this is 6th or 7th grade. But if your DH wants input in the future, he should just divest himself of all upset-ness re this year's decision, and talk to your kid about how, in the future, he wants to be informed and allowed the opportunity to discuss electives with your kid.

Now if for some reason he feels very strongly that this French decision is not the right one for your kid, then what I'd do is *first* check with the school to see if it can be changed and how (because no sense in going down this road if it's too late) and then, have a discussion with DC, starting with, "I want to discuss your decision to switch to French"

She will cut him off, "it's done, Dad" but he just has to say, "I know, and look, after we discuss this, if you still want to do it, I'm ok with that (to keep her ears open), but just know if you change your mind, there is a way to fix it back to Spanish. But that will be your choice. Tell me why you picked French....(later) ok, I get that, you picked French because of A, B and C, right? Ok I want to bring up one thing for you to think about with regard to Spanish..."