Has 4 yrs old been hard for you?

[Anonymous]

My 4.5 year old has a diagnosis related to low tone and slow processing. He has fine motor delays as sensory seeking issues. Hes never had behavior issues aside from the norm of typical behaviors of preschoolers however lately his behavior is out of control. Throwing all his toys constantly, crashing, screaming, grunting sounds, being very rough with his little brother. Constant movement and noise but like banging and stomping noise, not regular noise. My blood is boiling from it day after day and I have no clue how to address it. Its like with age the sensory seeking may be gettig worse, despite the OT. This is not just a typical disciple issue. He knows right from wrong. This is an issue regarding the constant sensory seeking behaviors that are just maddening to me at this point. Are there others of you out there with kids this age that are getting worse versus better?

[Anonymous]

Read the Kazdin Method. Go to a parent training--either Dr. Shapiro in MD/DC or Dr. Hackney in VA.

What works for a typical kid won't work for a kid with challenges. The harder things are for SN kids in their life, the harder they make things in our lives.

Plan to either follow up with your developmental pediatrician. Save up for a neuropsych when your kid is 6.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Read the Kazdin Method. Go to a parent training--either Dr. Shapiro in MD/DC or Dr. Hackney in VA.

What works for a typical kid won't work for a kid with challenges. The harder things are for SN kids in their life, the harder they make things in our lives.

Plan to either follow up with your developmental pediatrician. Save up for a neuropsych when your kid is 6.

Thanks PP!

[Anonymous]

Yes it was very hard for us. What is just described as difficult behavior at 3 but may be typical is suddenly outside the realm. My son is a major sensory seeker and has ADHD and this is what 4 and 5 looked like for us. We were discouraged from medicating until almost 6 and frankly I think that was wrong. When a kid is struggling this much it's hard not to help him. My son basically missed out on learning anything for years because of the severity of his ADHD. That's why people who are anti medication don't realize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it was very hard for us. What is just described as difficult behavior at 3 but may be typical is suddenly outside the realm. My son is a major sensory seeker and has ADHD and this is what 4 and 5 looked like for us. We were discouraged from medicating until almost 6 and frankly I think that was wrong. When a kid is struggling this much it's hard not to help him. My son basically missed out on learning anything for years because of the severity of his ADHD. That's why people who are anti medication don't realize.

OP here. Thanks for your response. Our dev ped told us to keep a close eye out for adhd inattentive as he gets older. He doesnt have these behaviors I described at school. They are mostly at home. His school behaviors are more the inattentive stuff- easily distracted and then all the fine motor, slow processing etc. Ugh its just an uphill battle lately.

[Anonymous]

About 4.5yo is when things got easier for my DS with ASD (undiagnosed until 9yo) before they got bad again in a major way in Kindie. 4yo was especially hard with my 2nd DS, though. He had a bit of a speach delay and ADHD and that's when his frustration really started to boil over. He's 6.5yo now and still has habits that came out of his frustration with not being able to communicate. Unfortunately at the time he was having these challenges, we were in the thick of older DS's nervous breakdown in K, so we were not really on top of dealing with it proactively. Nip it in the bud if you can with Kazdin. You don't want to be dealing with negative habits during K.

[Anonymous]

OP, he's not misbehaving purposefully, imagine what it's like to be him. You can't fight this battle, you have to show him how to redirect his energy so that he can satisfy this urge to throw and yank and crash. Get him into OT and go on the OT websites that sell equipment that you can bring into your home for him. We had a mini trampoline and a swing and a few other things. We used air mattresses on the floor so he could crash his body into something safe, a ball pit too.

Stop with the anger, he's not doing this to you. You should seek out a support group to get ideas and to find others to commiserate with because being angry with him isn't going to make the situation better.

[Anonymous]

OP my son is 6 and yes, age 4 was terrible. This was when he was the most defiant, would fight with us on everything - going to bed, getting dressed, following instructions...it was exhausting. He is a sensory seeker, but he does have behavior problems. Sounds like your son doesn't??

I know so many people on this board recommend Kazdin, but I frankly find that book extraordinarily confusing, difficult to follow, and oh by the way, reward charts don't work for my son.

Maybe it works for others, but just letting you know it is not some unicorn that magically works for every child with ADHD/Behavior challenges. We did do quite a bit of OT at that age, which helped him meet his sensory needs.

Rewarding a child for "not engaging" in negative behaviors. doesn't get to the root of what is causing the problem in the first place. Telling Johnny to not run around, get upset, be defiant, follow instructions, be respectful and he'll get a prize...is not going to ultimately help us figure out why he is doing these things in the first place. I would recommend Explosive Child over Kazdin. But that is what works for our child. Kazdin seems to work for a lot of others.

I understand how frustrated you feel. It is very hard. My son is better, in that he doesn't fight us on everything now, and his sensory needs have decreased a lot since that age. He still has them, but not to the degree he did when he was 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP my son is 6 and yes, age 4 was terrible. This was when he was the most defiant, would fight with us on everything - going to bed, getting dressed, following instructions...it was exhausting. He is a sensory seeker, but he does have behavior problems. Sounds like your son doesn't??

I know so many people on this board recommend Kazdin, but I frankly find that book extraordinarily confusing, difficult to follow, and oh by the way, reward charts don't work for my son.

Maybe it works for others, but just letting you know it is not some unicorn that magically works for every child with ADHD/Behavior challenges. We did do quite a bit of OT at that age, which helped him meet his sensory needs.

Rewarding a child for "not engaging" in negative behaviors. doesn't get to the root of what is causing the problem in the first place. Telling Johnny to not run around, get upset, be defiant, follow instructions, be respectful and he'll get a prize...is not going to ultimately help us figure out why he is doing these things in the first place. I would recommend Explosive Child over Kazdin. But that is what works for our child. Kazdin seems to work for a lot of others.

I understand how frustrated you feel. It is very hard. My son is better, in that he doesn't fight us on everything now, and his sensory needs have decreased a lot since that age. He still has them, but not to the degree he did when he was 4.

I 1000000000 % agree with this poster. Sensory needs are hard. My son had to throw and hit and crash. He is an auditory and contact seeker. It is brutal at times. Yes, you have to find new outlets, and I will tell you taht we could nto at 4. We started ABA at 4.5 and that helped. 4.5 was a very, very hard time for us. 5.5 is better. Not great. Not even good. better.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone for your responses. Much appreciated.

[Anonymous]

All ages have been challenging with my ADHD senosry seeking son, but FOUR? Yeah, four and five were super hard.

[Anonymous]

4 was THE hardest.

[Anonymous]

I think 4 was the hardest, too. It is a hard age anyway, and these kids are delayed so its like a horrible 3-4 clusterf&ck.

[Anonymous]

4 year olds seem to be more emotional, that's for sure. The upside with my 4.5 year old is that he's also much more self aware and able to work on self-regulation. Does your OT work on self-regulation skills?

Also at 4 I noticed that my DS was much more interested an capable of being independent and really seems to do much better when he has his own "zone of influence." Like yours my DS had motor delays/processing issues, so he never really entered the "I do it myself" stage that most kids do at around 2-3. But I realized at some point that he really was ready to do things for himself, and that being bored and not having mental challenges was leading to some bad behavior on his part. If he's a sensory seeker, that can include setting up "safe" spaces where he can stomp and crash and make noise.

Also ... obviously you know this, but regular sleep & meals are huge. DS goes N-U-T-S if he gets overtired.

[Anonymous]

This is a pp -wanted to mention that if your child has trouble sleeping, and that is affecting his behavior, try melatonin. You don't mention anything about sleep issues, but sometimes those go hand in hand with this type of child.

We were at our wits end when he was 4 and going to bed at 10:30/11 at night. We started him on 1 mg of melatonin and it was a miracle. Asleep within 30 minutes. He now needs 2 mg, but it still works.