DC area moms are very competitive!

[Anonymous]

Just moved here from San Fran. - have never seen so much competitiveness amongst parents. Anyone else care to chime in?

[Anonymous]

Yeah - this area is crazy competative! There are people hiring consultants to help you get your kids in a particular preschool!! Birthday parties are ridiculously out of control! Then there is just the meanness of other parents constantly comparing their kid to yours!! Whether you kid is behind, average, or ahead you will get the competativeness.

[Anonymous]

My friends are really nice. We don't choose to befriend the crazies.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I used to think DC was competitive when I was single and starting out working in policy. That didn't hold a candle to what it is like with children. We try not to let it get to us, but it does tend to seep in over time. Oh well, it's just one more obstacle on the path to raising a decent human being.

[Anonymous]

I really don't think DC is any more competitive than any other urban area on either coast. In my opinion, what you're seeing is just the state of parenting today.

How did you like living in San Francisco?

[Anonymous]

I disagree with the PP that DC is like an other urban area -- I've also lived in San Francisco, as well as Los Angeles and Chicago. These are major urban areas and none of them compares to DC. I think it's the trickle-down affect of a demographic here that is elite, wealthy, and in the political arena, who want to send their kids to the best schools possible (like Sidwell Friends) and who can also afford the high tuition rates. It somehow creates this aura of competition with those of us who are middle-class/upper middle-class who perhaps can afford the tuition, but know that we have a harder chance of getting our kids accepted to these schools because we don't have the right connections, the right name, the right money, etc. So inevitably we're looking at a more challenging situation with lots of moms competing for fewer slots for their kids. Perhaps the other factor is that in the past, most famillies who worked in DC lived in MD or VA, and took advantage of the excellent public schools in those counties (Montgomery specifically) but now, we're seeing a bigger trend of parents wanting to settle inside the district to raise their families, and the city hasn't caught up with the demand for schools and other infrastructure.

OP - when did you move here? I grew up in Piedmont and just met a mom from Berkeley. Maybe we should create a Bay Area moms group here in DC!

[Anonymous]

Yes - I cannot compare within the US but can across the ocean to Europe. It is true - the older my kids get the more I realize the competitiveness. Did not feel that bad with an infant but boy it does with a pre-schooler.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's a relief to me that you think DC is worse than SF for mom competition. I was under the impression that this mom competition was normal and I never felt comfortable with it. I was born and raised here, went to one of those "elite" high schools in the District. Don't plan to do the same with my kids. To be honest, the competition doesn't seem to be among the townies. It seems to be with others who've moved here for the career. I can't relate to the bday party nannies, Bugaboo strollers, and consultants to get Junior into preschool. Yes, I think it's weird.

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends on the circles you travel in. My friends and neighbors just aren't like this (and I live in upper NW DC, where you'd think competitiveness would flourish). Or, if they are, I don't have the conversations with them in which these sorts of tensions arise. But then I plan to send my kids to DC public schools, and I picked a pre-school based on its feel rather than its "exmissions." And if I come across someone who stresses all of this stuff and takes it seriously, I tend not to seek out that person's company.

[Anonymous]

It depends. My circles are pretty low key, mid to senior level working moms who don't have too much time. Even though I miss DC soo much, I think living in an older neighborhood in the burbs that hasn't turned to McMansions and has really good public schools keeps the competition at a lower level. In DC, parents almost have to do private school at some point, very few good daycare spots, and there is so much more demand than preschool spots that it gets competitive easily. Some parents are ultra competitive but others might just feel desperate to get a spot.

There are different types of competition too. My in law relatives are all stay at home moms in Sacramento. They are horrible with the competition of the baby books, which kid did what first..who did the most for the kids b-day parties..best gifts..best showers...quickest to get thank you card out. Thankfully I haven't run into any of the this in DC though I'm sure its out there.

[Anonymous]

My group of friends, really crosses all walks of life. I can not think of one of them who has been competitive, not one. We do discuss what are children are doing, but no one ever has tried to one up me, or been less than genuine when complimenting me or my children. I also don't know anyone who has wished they had as much money as we do (which really isn't much) and I haven't thought that of our better off friends. I chose not to send my children to preschool, and to do a homeschool preschool. My friends send their children to private or religious preschools. While we do talk about what the children are learning, no one ever makes anyone feel badly because their child isn't at the same level.

The only thing we may ever be competitive about, is finding sales.

I just don't have time for such things. I don't need to compete with other moms, it won't change how much I love my children, or my desire to do what is best for them.

[Anonymous]

I have mentioned this to my husband before and he thinks I'm either a) paranoid (because it's not really out there) or b) silly to pay attention to it. And although I don't really run into that sort of competitiveness in my day-to-day interactions with people, this is mostly just because I don't interact with very many people on a daily basis, as I'm staying home with junior for the time being.

I get a strong competitive vibe off many of the threads on this site, however, and it does sometimes bother me because it makes me feel insecure. And obviously, insecurity feeds competitiveness because you wouldn't bother to try to one-up someone you felt way up on already...

A friend who recently moved to the heartland from here (and loves it, by the way) said that she missed a lot about the DC area but not the competitiveness. Her summary: "Parenting is a bloodsport in DC."

[Anonymous]

I'm from DC, and my friends who grew up here are not competitive at all. It's the people who moved here for work or as adults who are a little frantic, and I think it's partly the perception that there are limited opportunities for their children here, and partly because they're relatively new to the city.

[Anonymous]

I'm another poster who lives in Upper NW DC. The only competetiveness I've seen is on these boards. All my friends, neighbors, etc. are friendly and supportive. Reading these boards scares me sometimes!

[Anonymous]

I guess it depends on one's perspective. I find DC to be a nice change of pace -- compared to Manhattan. It seems provincial, almost.