DC area moms are very competitive!

[Anonymous]

I am so happy to have read this post. I am a mom to an 11 month old, and my perspective on this area has changed dramatically since having her. Many times, either from what I read on DCUM or hear from other moms (not my friends, just other moms I talk to) I feel like my daughter is going to end up in jail because she takes her nap at different times each day, uses a pacifier, etc ( INSERT YOUR VICE HERE!)

I am just glad to know there are other moms who are sending their kids to public schools, not stressing about college when their child is 2 weeks old, etc.

However, I still, on a very regular basis, consider leaving this area because of the whole rat race mentality. Anyone else think about this? If DH and I could agree on where to go, we'd be out of here. Does anyone else know people who have done this? Do they love it ? DH thinks I might go crazy with boredom, having grown up in NJ in an area very similar to this, but I think I would calm down and love it. The problem is, then my DC's would miss out on all of the great cultural opportunities this area offers. I am still conflicted about this...


Anyway, thanks to all the PP's for making me feel less like I was imagining the competitiveness in my head!

[Anonymous]

I feel exactly the same way. I have lived here for 10+ years (8 prior to having DC) and I thought it would be a great place to raise my DC b/c of all the opportunities (school, cultural, historical, etc.). However, since having DC I have seriously been reconsidering and thinking about moving out of the area. I'm fearful that the benefits of the area are far outweighed by the negatives (housing prices, congestion and competitiveness). The attitude of most parents and people I encounter are positively sour at best. I really can't help but feel like everyone is so stressed to make more $$ to afford to live here with all the trappings, that it increases the stress level. And ultimately, that results in huge amounts of attitude.

I am trying to convince my husband to move to somewhere like Charlotte or Austin, where I believe we could have a more relaxing life style. But, he doesn't seem to agree and thinks I will miss the DC area.

[zumbamama]

DC is definitely not competitive in the fashion area but I wish we were!

[Anonymous]

I really think DC is competitive if you decide to make it so. As the Fairfax County poster said, I've grown up in the DC area and managed to avoid the rat race. (My parents moved here to work on Capitol Hill and attend law school.) I went to suburban public schools and now I've chosen to live in a less-than-affluent, pretty much lower (gasp! the horrors!) middle class, area not far from where I've grown up. Our colleagues will go so far as to make fun of where we live ('Everyone is related in that town right?' -- no, it's NOT West Virginia!) and express disdain for the burbs/our community. Meanwhile they are sweating out the admissions/exmissions (ha) game and trying to keep up with the competition. And generally allowing themselves to be in that ridiculous scene.

Our kids will have successful lives, even without attending Maret or Sidwell, as I have. I've gone to an elite college -- the whole thing -- and from a so-so high school. What really matters is helping your kids achieve where ever they go.

I don't think you can characterize DC and its resident by the neurotic hand-wringers. (Become a Quaker?? Wear my Chanel suit or not?) There are plenty of normal people here just trying to raise decent kids.

[Anonymous]

Come on!! It's everywhere you go, in all walks of life!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess it depends on the circles you travel in.

Hear, hear. I don't run into this at all in real life -- a little bit on DCUM. But I think you have some control over the people you end up around -- like, when we applied to preschools, we ruled out the one with the 4 page application including questions about my child's "greatest succeses" to date. She's 18 months old -- give me a break. She probably would have been perfectly happy at that school, but I don't want to socialize with the parents who are okay with playing the game and answering that stupid question.

So maybe make an effort to find some lower-key parents and see if things improve. And just ignore the people who treat parenting as a competitive sport. If you don't play their game, they just look silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess it depends on the circles you travel in.

Hear, hear. I don't run into this at all in real life -- a little bit on DCUM. But I think you have some control over the people you end up around -- like, when we applied to preschools, we ruled out the one with the 4 page application including questions about my child's "greatest succeses" to date. She's 18 months old -- give me a break. She probably would have been perfectly happy at that school, but I don't want to socialize with the parents who are okay with playing the game and answering that stupid question.

So maybe make an effort to find some lower-key parents and see if things improve. And just ignore the people who treat parenting as a competitive sport. If you don't play their game, they just look silly.

I wish I knew you!

[Anonymous]

Me, too! I find your comments refreshing. I have encountered most of the so-called "competitiveness" on this very site. I think in "real life" where people cannot remain anonymous they filter a lot more. None of the people I've chosen to associate with are competitive with me and vice versa, and if I meet other parents who are, like in a Gymboree class or at the park, I'm polite but choose not to befriend them. We have a lot of control over what we and our children are exposed to, it's just that in an area like DC we need to be more proactive about avoiding the undesirable -- in this case competitiveness.

If you don't join in the competition, the opponent will have to find someone else to "play" with.

[Anonymous]

zumbamama wrote:DC is definitely not competitive in the fashion area but I wish we were!

This is funny. When I first moved her - I wondered if Ann Taylor was the official uniform here. I don't think DC moms are any more competitive than any other metropolitan area. But I'm sometimes surprised by the types of things that we get competitive about.