My 8 year old doesn't care about being potty trained

[Anonymous]

He just doesn't care. Pee is under control but he can't be bothered to use the toilet to poop. It takes too long, it's too hard to predict, it means he has to sit down. He is fine at school and comes home and poops his pants and thinks it's funny. The weekends are non-stop accidents. I think he changed underpants 4 times on Sunday. I don't know how to make him care. He does not get that poop is supposed to be a cultural taboo. Yes, we have seen doctors. At this point I'm pretty sure the problem is 80% his not caring enough.

[Anonymous]

What do you do when he does this?

[Anonymous]

If you think he has the capacity and it isn't a medical issue or a psychological issue, then you need to be firmer. it doesn't matter if he doesn't care. I would not take him anywhere out of the house, nothing fun, no activities, no friends. He can be bored at home until he can manage basic bathroom habits.

I would also start taking him to the bathroom every hour. Have an alarm that goes off that says bathroom time and he needs to sit on the toilet for 10 minutes every hour. Turn off whatever game he is playing or show he is watching. Nothing happens until he does bathroom time. Keep this up until no more accidents.

[Anonymous]

Epic Bribe Time.

[Anonymous]

We had an issue with my son at 5 where he still wanted to poo in a diaper instead of the toilet. We saw a developmental pediatrician to get us through the process. At that age it took a combination of Miralax, patience and a good routine, but the developmental ped was part of the team for us. Have you discussed the issue with your pediatrician? Perhaps you could get a referral to a developmental pediatrician?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Epic Bribe Time.

Not at age 8. More like Epic Lower the Boom time.

[Anonymous]

You need to take him to the doctor. Make him do his own wash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you think he has the capacity and it isn't a medical issue or a psychological issue, then you need to be firmer. it doesn't matter if he doesn't care. I would not take him anywhere out of the house, nothing fun, no activities, no friends. He can be bored at home until he can manage basic bathroom habits.

I would also start taking him to the bathroom every hour. Have an alarm that goes off that says bathroom time and he needs to sit on the toilet for 10 minutes every hour. Turn off whatever game he is playing or show he is watching. Nothing happens until he does bathroom time. Keep this up until no more accidents.

No. Don't do this. This is the wrong way to approach potty training for any kid but especially for a SN kid.

OP,

When you say your kid is "fine" at school, does this mean he will poop at school or just hold it. Does your kid have an IEP? Does he work with a behavioral therapist? Have you incorporated toilet training into the IEP?

Have a toilet schedule at home (pictures or times listed). He goes upon waking b/f leaving the house. This would probably every 3-4 hours for most kids his age. For pooping on the toilet, find a bribe that will motivate your kid to sit on the toilet--points, praise, an M&M. He gets a point for sitting--not necessarily doing anything. Also, the ideal times to get the elimination reflex going are after a meal sitting for 5-10 minutes. Not longer b/c that can make a kid constipated, which he may already be and why he doesn't want to sit.

That's why you need to start small. After dinner and breakfast during the week, he gets a small reward for just sitting on the toilet. Include after lunch on weekends. Doesn't matter if he doesn't do anything. Eventually you will get there. (You may also want to buy a squatty potty to help him to poop.)

[Anonymous]

You need to do what you do with a toddler.

Since he's not mature enough to deal with bathroom breaks on his own, set a timer and make him sit on the toilet for 10 minutes every hour on the hour. Whatever he's in the middle of doing he stops and sits on the toilet. No exceptions. No excuses. If he complains increase the time to 15 minutes. No activities. No going to friends houses. Nothing except school. If he has a younger sibling who is potty trained make sure one parent takes the sibling somewhere fun while the other parent stays home with him because he isn't potty trained. If it's truly bc he doesn't care - make him care. Take the sibling to his favorite restaurant and to a movie he wants to see. He doesn't get to go until he goes a week without pooping his pants.

Yes, the first weekend you do this will be hell. But this should solve itself that first weekend unless it's a medical issue.

Also, make sure he knows that once he does go a week without soiling himself he will get a celebratory dinner and a fun outing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think he has the capacity and it isn't a medical issue or a psychological issue, then you need to be firmer. it doesn't matter if he doesn't care. I would not take him anywhere out of the house, nothing fun, no activities, no friends. He can be bored at home until he can manage basic bathroom habits.

I would also start taking him to the bathroom every hour. Have an alarm that goes off that says bathroom time and he needs to sit on the toilet for 10 minutes every hour. Turn off whatever game he is playing or show he is watching. Nothing happens until he does bathroom time. Keep this up until no more accidents.

No. Don't do this. This is the wrong way to approach potty training for any kid but especially for a SN kid.

OP,

When you say your kid is "fine" at school, does this mean he will poop at school or just hold it. Does your kid have an IEP? Does he work with a behavioral therapist? Have you incorporated toilet training into the IEP?

Have a toilet schedule at home (pictures or times listed). He goes upon waking b/f leaving the house. This would probably every 3-4 hours for most kids his age. For pooping on the toilet, find a bribe that will motivate your kid to sit on the toilet--points, praise, an M&M. He gets a point for sitting--not necessarily doing anything. Also, the ideal times to get the elimination reflex going are after a meal sitting for 5-10 minutes. Not longer b/c that can make a kid constipated, which he may already be and why he doesn't want to sit.

That's why you need to start small. After dinner and breakfast during the week, he gets a small reward for just sitting on the toilet. Include after lunch on weekends. Doesn't matter if he doesn't do anything. Eventually you will get there. (You may also want to buy a squatty potty to help him to poop.)

This is stupid. The kid is 8. He's too old to reward with m&ms and praise. OP says he doesn't care about pooping his pants. Make him clean it up. Take away all outings except for school. From now on, he doesn't leave the house unless he's fully potty trained.

Time for treats passed years ago, it's time for tough love now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think he has the capacity and it isn't a medical issue or a psychological issue, then you need to be firmer. it doesn't matter if he doesn't care. I would not take him anywhere out of the house, nothing fun, no activities, no friends. He can be bored at home until he can manage basic bathroom habits.

I would also start taking him to the bathroom every hour. Have an alarm that goes off that says bathroom time and he needs to sit on the toilet for 10 minutes every hour. Turn off whatever game he is playing or show he is watching. Nothing happens until he does bathroom time. Keep this up until no more accidents.

No. Don't do this. This is the wrong way to approach potty training for any kid but especially for a SN kid.

OP,

When you say your kid is "fine" at school, does this mean he will poop at school or just hold it. Does your kid have an IEP? Does he work with a behavioral therapist? Have you incorporated toilet training into the IEP?

Have a toilet schedule at home (pictures or times listed). He goes upon waking b/f leaving the house. This would probably every 3-4 hours for most kids his age. For pooping on the toilet, find a bribe that will motivate your kid to sit on the toilet--points, praise, an M&M. He gets a point for sitting--not necessarily doing anything. Also, the ideal times to get the elimination reflex going are after a meal sitting for 5-10 minutes. Not longer b/c that can make a kid constipated, which he may already be and why he doesn't want to sit.

That's why you need to start small. After dinner and breakfast during the week, he gets a small reward for just sitting on the toilet. Include after lunch on weekends. Doesn't matter if he doesn't do anything. Eventually you will get there. (You may also want to buy a squatty potty to help him to poop.)

The Op doesn't say anything about her son being SN. He is 8 and just doesn't care. Why would you reward an 8 year old for just sitting on a toilet? That should be a basic expectation, not something to be rewarded. Bribing is terrible advice. He is 8.

[Anonymous]

at 8 he can clean up after himself and do his own laundry. make it harder to poop his pants then sit on the toilet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you think he has the capacity and it isn't a medical issue or a psychological issue, then you need to be firmer. it doesn't matter if he doesn't care. I would not take him anywhere out of the house, nothing fun, no activities, no friends. He can be bored at home until he can manage basic bathroom habits.

I would also start taking him to the bathroom every hour. Have an alarm that goes off that says bathroom time and he needs to sit on the toilet for 10 minutes every hour. Turn off whatever game he is playing or show he is watching. Nothing happens until he does bathroom time. Keep this up until no more accidents.

No. Don't do this. This is the wrong way to approach potty training for any kid but especially for a SN kid.

OP,

When you say your kid is "fine" at school, does this mean he will poop at school or just hold it. Does your kid have an IEP? Does he work with a behavioral therapist? Have you incorporated toilet training into the IEP?

Have a toilet schedule at home (pictures or times listed). He goes upon waking b/f leaving the house. This would probably every 3-4 hours for most kids his age. For pooping on the toilet, find a bribe that will motivate your kid to sit on the toilet--points, praise, an M&M. He gets a point for sitting--not necessarily doing anything. Also, the ideal times to get the elimination reflex going are after a meal sitting for 5-10 minutes. Not longer b/c that can make a kid constipated, which he may already be and why he doesn't want to sit.

That's why you need to start small. After dinner and breakfast during the week, he gets a small reward for just sitting on the toilet. Include after lunch on weekends. Doesn't matter if he doesn't do anything. Eventually you will get there. (You may also want to buy a squatty potty to help him to poop.)

The Op doesn't say anything about her son being SN. He is 8 and just doesn't care. Why would you reward an 8 year old for just sitting on a toilet? That should be a basic expectation, not something to be rewarded. Bribing is terrible advice. He is 8.

The child has some kind of SN otherwise the OP wouldn't have posted to this forum. However, it doesn't matter if he doesn't.

But you guys need to read the Kazdin Method. It's evidenced based research into practice on how to create sustained behavior change--through positive reinforcement.

If you have an 8 year old that won't sit and poop at all on the toilet, you need to break down the task behaviorally into small parts then build up to the whole goal. I don't know what would motivate the kid to sit and just gave ideas to the OP.

[Anonymous]

18:17 meant to say "probably" has some SN...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:at 8 he can clean up after himself and do his own laundry. make it harder to poop his pants then sit on the toilet.

If he doesn't get the connection that pooping his pants isn't the thing to do, he won't get the connection between cleaning up after himself and/or laundry. Also, if the OP can't get him to sit and poop, there's probably little chance that these things will happen.

OP, don't create another battle for yourself. Work on sitting on the toilet in a positive way.