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Anyone give up a good salary to stay home?
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Anonymous
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I make about $150K and actually just turned down another job offer at $200K because I want to stay home with my baby that's coming. I wonder if others have done this and how they've felt about the decision in hindsight. For what it's worth, my husband makes around $100K so we are going to be scaling way back. We've stayed in a small DC condo that he can easily afford on his salary alone rather than move to a house and I am fine living on a budget and cutting out luxuries. But in the long run, I wonder if this arrangement is completely financially irresponsible. We could provide a lot for our family if I kept working (both in terms of the baby but also our aging parents who are on very fixed incomes) and it would bring us a lot of security to have that money coming in. Not to mention that it's so expensive to live in DC, and we'd like to move to a better neighborhood eventually so our kid will go to decent schools.
In case any one is wondering, my husband would probably be willing to stay home but I want to do it. And he really loves his job, while mine is quite stressful and I'm happy to get away from it, at least for awhile. |
Anonymous
| Reading your post, it really seems as though you are having second thoughts about staying home and that you are not really willing to take the risk of doing it...If you are having doubts, you should not do it. Only do it if you are 100% sure that that is what you want. Maybe you just need a short break form the stress of your job. Maybe just a long maternity leave or changing jobs for a firm that you like better or is less stressful would do the trick for you. It is a very big decision to quit a high paying job for a while b/c if you later regret it and want to go back, you might not be able to go back b/c you left for so long... |
Anonymous
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I think your last sentence says it all, "at least for awhile." You can ALWAYS go back to work.
I left a 125k job to stay home with my daughter and am so glad I did. The transition wasn't easy--I am 39 and used to going to an office and really enjoyed my job. The first five months were hard. Being tired doesn't help and there were a NUMBER of times I thought, "what the hell have I done quiting my job?!" I secretly envied my friend who would call me as she was heading into the office after dropping her daughter off at day care. However, I know now that it was the very best decision I have ever made in my life! My daughter is now three and I have started a part time job (I've done some on and off consulting from home since she was 1 but this is more structured). At some point, I may go back full time or I may not. Just know that the decision you make now doesn't have to be how you operate forever. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thanks for your advice, ladies. My current job allows for up to a year and a half of maternity leave, so I have some time to figure out if I want to do this more long term or not. I'm very confident I want to do this at the beginning, but I'm just trying to think about the long-term implications of giving up the salary. Especially because I know you are right that it's harder to come back after taking several years off. Any words of wisdom you have about cost of giving up the money verses the the benefit? |
Anonymous
| My husband and I are in a similar financial situation. I make $210K, and he makes about $100K. We're both physicians. Sometimes I wish he had chosen a more lucrative field (like anesthesiology, instead of pediatrics) so I'd least have the option to stay home. Instead I know I will always have to work because we could not live on his salary alone. (Sounds crazy, but we live in Cleveland Park and our mortgage alone is astronomical, not to mention two sets of student loans). I am envious that you have a year and a half of maternity leave (what kind of job do you have??? I only have two months!) and you have the option to scale back and stay home if you want. If I were you, I would stay home for a year and then make a decision. Maybe you'll be itching to go back to work by then, or you'll realize that you just can't scale back financially. I think it would be very difficult to scale back to that degree. We don't even lead an extravagant life (we have one very cheap car, rarely travel, and never go out for expensive dinners). Anyway, I've thought about the possibility of not working too, but unfortunately I don't think it would be financially possible for us... not to mention, I do enjoy my job and feel my identity is tied to it. I envy you, though, for at least having the option of staying home. |
Anonymous
| Regarding "the cost" of staying at home, it is not just from a financial point of view that you need to look at it...There are lost of other implications to consider. For example, it's also about whether or not you will enjoy being a stay at home mom: some women are very happy all day at home with their babies, others have a really hard time and are thrilled to go back to work b/c regardless of how much they love their babies, they just have a hard time being at home all day with a crying baby and no adult to communicate with... Also, some women like to be financially independent from their husband, some women like the sense of fulfillment/accomplishment they get from work...etc. Also, some people are more risk averse and like the security of having 2 incomes b/c they have a safety net: in case one gets fired, there is still the income of the other one...etc. Anyway, I think it is too early for you to think about all of that, you have about 1 year to think about it and after 1 year with your baby and only one income, you will know a lot better what you want. Consider yourself lucky that you have plenty of time to make the decision. |
Anonymous
Going from $250K to $100K HHI is a huge change. I don't think you can really make this decision until after your child is here. And wow - how lucky are you that you have up to 1.5 yrs of maternity leave!? Like PP said, where the heck do you work and do they have a job for me?  I'd feel blessed about your situation and take that time to make your decision then - including really seeing how you like being a SAHM mom and living on a reduced salary. I'm one who has discovered that for us, it works better for both of us to be working. We are living right now on just DH's salary of about $150K and it's not working well for us because we haven't been able/willing to cut our lifestyle as much as we should (restaurants, etc.). Plus, we have a sizeable mortgage (so very smart of you there...) We are stressed about finances and don't enjoy feeling tied to our home, our mortgage, never feeling like we can take a vacation and more importantly, we reduced our retirement savings, aren't doing any college saving right now, aren't saving for our next cars (we don't take out car loans - we pay in full), aren't saving for house maintenance, etc. etc. It stresses us out, so I'm trying to go back to work. And, for me, it doesn't hurt that I've also learned I'm not really cut out to be a SAHM. I enjoyed it more when DS was a baby because I felt like he needed me to watch over him, but now he's 3.5 yrs and frankly, he exhausts me and gets so much out of his preschool environment. They do more for him than I do at home. I think it is impossible to know how you will feel about all this stuff while you are still pregnant. (And I am expecting #2, BTW.)
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Anonymous
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Yes, and then I was smart enough to return right before the economy taked. Don't think I could jump back in now if I tried. However, I'm paid just over 6 figures to work 24hrs a week.
I hear you on the opportunity a large income provides, aside from having an amazing schedule, I love all of the things my salary can do for our family. Unlike other situations, we have a 300K income with paid off cars and a $2200/mo mortgage (therefore get KILLED in taxes). I love the fact that instead of learning about ancient Greece in the classroom, we can visit Greece instead. That would not be possible on DHs income without a LOT of planning. |
Anonymous
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Is a $XX, 000 salary considered "good"? I feel like I'm one of the few DCUMers that live in a household that is only 5-digits?
Well, anyway, yes, I did give up my "good" salary and awesome benefits when I had a baby. No regrets. I love my new boss - all 21 inches and 7lbs 5 oz! |
Anonymous
| Check out the long recent thread on a six-figure mom considering staying at home, on the general parenting forum here. Lots of good thoughts that may help you sort this out. |
Anonymous
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I am in a similar situation to you. DH and I are at similar income levels and I am having the exact same debate as you. Some days I think, of course I want to stay home with my baby, those early years are so important and irreplaceable! Other days I think, would I be a total idiot to give up such a good salary that I may not be able to get back in a few years? I can't give you a hindsight view, but I can tell you a few factors that are looming large for me:
-how secure is DH's job? -how easy would it be for you to re-enter your field in a few years? Could you do so at a similar salary? -how much do you like being home with your little one? (as someone else said, I think it is hard to answer this one pre-birth) -do you have good savings built up for unexpected expenses/ emergencies/in the event something happens to DH's job? -are DH's benefits - especially health insurance - acceptable? -what is your parenting philosophy? If it varies from the mainstream, then a parent staying home may be more important to you than it would be to someone else. this too may be hard to tell in advance though. Also, I would make sure you have really run the numbers and can really, truly live on DH's salary. We thought we were not too extravagant and wouldn't have to change our lifestyle much, and were very surprised to learn we would have to make serious cuts. I, too, would love to know where you get 1 1/2 years of maternity leave! Best wishes to you in figuring out what to do. |
Anonymous
I'm 15:13 and I want to echo some of what this poster says. For example, we never gave a lot of consideration to health insurance and assumed that DH's coverage was on par with mine. Well, it's not and this pregnancy is costing us about four to five times out of pocket what #1 cost us through my insurance. It's been a huge shock and stressful because it's essentially thousands that are unaccounted for in our budget (and will be coming out of our savings account). I've learned not to underestimate the value of things like good benefits in a job. I also second what she says about running the numbers and really thinking about it. Going backwards from a lifestyle you are used to living is NOT EASY. Maybe it is for some and it might be easy to sit back and think that you are okay with big cuts but really, really ask yourself the hard questions and make sure that you are. I thought staying home with my child would matter more than all that other stuff too but it so turns out that I really miss it and all that other stuff, to me, is part of what makes life fun. Not saying that people don't do it because many do, but just make sure that you give it serious consideration. |
Anonymous
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Don't decide now. Wait until baby is born and see how it goes. Don't quit, just take maternity leave. You can always tell them that you've decided not to come back.
I always thought I really wanted to stay home w/ my kids. When I quit my job our income was cut in 1/2. The 1st 2 mos w/ DS were great but once I quit things went downhill. He's a real handful. We didn't think we could afford for me to quit, but we've actually done really well. We don't vacation (DS is too difficult to take anywhere), we don't eat out (same reason) so we've cut back on a lot of what we used to do. The downside---like you, we live in a condo and now w/ DS#2 soon to arrive we really need a house. If I were working we'd have no trouble buying a SFH. But then we'd have daycare for 2 kids so that would eat up a lot of our income. As you said, you can always return to work one day. The only problem is the longer you're out of work, the harder it is to get back in--especially at the same/greater pay. |
Anonymous
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I couldn't justify giving up my job when DS was born about 3.5 years ago. We were still paying of student loans, were looking and buying a new car and had bought a more expensive house about 1.25 years earlier. I think I was making about 220k at that time before bonus; DH was probably making 200. I ended up going part time (75% and in the office 4 days per week, getting home around 5ish).
Now, we just had DD and we're thinking that it's time for me to stay home. My salary is back up to about 210 before bonus (same schedule and the bonus is smaller!) and DH is around 210 after this year's pay cuts. But we've had a few years to sock away more money, pay off loans, refinance our mortgage and generally prioritize our finances. We can't go out to restaurants, don't spend as much on entertainment and really see where it is our money is going now, so things just feel more manageable. However, this economy makes it tough for us to take too much of a risk, so we're waiting until later this year when DH is up for a promotion before we pull the trigger on anything. Good luck with your decision. |
Anonymous
| Just curious - what kind of job pays you six figures to work 24 hours a week? |