Say yes to 2nd date?

[Anonymous]

Went on a date last night with a guy I met on okCupid. It was a long date, above average conversation. We had been texting for almost 2 weeks beforehand. He is a very nice guy. It seems like he's really into me and sees a future with me. The thing is, in person, he had a kind of awkward energy about him and I didn't feel a ton of attraction. Do you trust your gut instinct here and move on, or would you give the guy another try? He was definitely very nervous.

I almost feel like if I see him again, I'm leading him on, I don't want to hurt his feelings. But is it possible that he was really off last night and I will get more into him if we spend more time together? I know anything's possible, but what's your experience/advice?

What I've learned from this is it's better to meet quicker and see what it's like in real life! (hard because we are both busy) But that's what I will try to do in the future.

Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

It's early. It's kind of a toss up whether you give it one more go, or just stop now. I definitely wouldn't do more than two if you're not feeling it. People can be good people and you still won't click with them.

I used to use the one-date rule. Unless I felt something terrible, I would always go on one date but not hesitate to turn down date two. I did this after talking with guy friends - I thought I might be hurting guys' feelings, but they all said they prefer that women would be up front. They also have nothing invested in it at this point and would also move on.

[Anonymous]

How does a guy see a future with you just from one date?

[Anonymous]

I wrote my new guys first date behaviour off as extreme nerves. He was very nervous and stated so himself. My gut reaction to the first meeting was feeling off put and like I wanted to leave. I dated him for awhile after. Then I left. So I would listen to your reaction. No second date.

Seeing a future that early in a relationship can be a sign of an abuser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does a guy see a future with you just from one date?

Excellent point!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does a guy see a future with you just from one date?

Excellent point!

+ 1

This would be a weird comment to receive on a first date.

[Anonymous]

Trust your gut. I didn't andended up married to someone I should not have married. I ignored weirdness. Don't ignore anything. No more than one more date. No mercy or pity dates.

[Anonymous]

I would give it another try if your only complaint is that he had first date nerves/was awkward.

My now DH and I didn't hit it off on our first date (or subsequent, short coffee date). My main complaint was that he was nervous/awkward.

About 6 months later, we got to know each other over a series of summer get togethers between mutual friends, and ended up falling into date.

I'm so thankful I got another shot with him!

[Anonymous]

She didn't say that he said that he saw a future, only that he seems "seems like he's really into me and sees a future with me."

Go on a second date and wait until then to cut bait. I've relationships with people to whom I didn't feel an instant connection. Is your social calendar that full?

[Anonymous]

If the attraction isn't there, move on immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the attraction isn't there, move on immediately.

Agreed. Far too many people (including myself, in the past) want to settle down and bank on the other person growing on them. Or they tell henselves because a guy is good on paper they should go for it even if attraction is lacking. The person may. E attractive to half the planet, but if YOU aren't attracted to him, it's not worth it. Lack of attraction will poison a relationship.

[Anonymous]

You on' need to spend a lot of time to let him grow on you, but first impressions in a high stress situation isn't a fair try. Now, if he's just very unappealing to you, get out. But if he's not and you just didn't feel a spark, go out one more time. You may see him in a different light.

[Anonymous]

I'd do a second date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to use the one-date rule. Unless I felt something terrible, I would always go on one date but not hesitate to turn down date two. I did this after talking with guy friends - I thought I might be hurting guys' feelings, but they all said they prefer that women would be up front. They also have nothing invested in it at this point and would also move on.

Don't do me any favors. Don't even go on one date with me if you don't think I'll be compatible. I had this happen recently--woman showed up and said she didn't think I seemed very good on paper (I have young children) but wanted to find out. I have lots of other things I can do on an evening including meeting women in my queue who might actually be into me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Went on a date last night with a guy I met on okCupid. It was a long date, above average conversation. We had been texting for almost 2 weeks beforehand. He is a very nice guy. It seems like he's really into me and sees a future with me. The thing is, in person, he had a kind of awkward energy about him and I didn't feel a ton of attraction. Do you trust your gut instinct here and move on, or would you give the guy another try? He was definitely very nervous.

You will much prefer a guy who isn't that into you, who ignores you, doesn't call or text, is smug and arrogant, who texts people while he's on a date with you? Who doesn't see a future with you beyond a BJ?

I'm like the guy you dated. Nice, kind, humble, and supposedly smart. But a bit awkward, and eager if I meet someone I like, because women I really like are uncommon.