Say yes to 2nd date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you everyone for your comments. Lots of good food for thought.

What did you decide?

[Anonymous]

I have often gone on date #2 when I wasn't sure--usually the guy was good on paper and nice, but I wasn't feeling the spark.

I never have regretted going on date #2. But every ltr I have had--including my marriage--has started with an immediate spark (and an one that overriding not being 'perfect on paper'). I also managed to set up two of my less than exciting dates with friends of mine because they were good guys, good company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have often gone on date #2 when I wasn't sure--usually the guy was good on paper and nice, but I wasn't feeling the spark.

I never have regretted going on date #2. But every ltr I have had--including my marriage--has started with an immediate spark (and an one that overriding not being 'perfect on paper'). I also managed to set up two of my less than exciting dates with friends of mine because they were good guys, good company.

Did it work out for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you everyone for your comments. Lots of good food for thought.

What did you decide?

We're texting....I feel like he's not the guy, but might go out with him once more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thank you everyone for your comments. Lots of good food for thought.

What did you decide?

We're texting....I feel like he's not the guy, but might go out with him once more.

Please come back and update when you decide.

[Anonymous]

Do you think he is attractive? It's always interesting to me that men in general don't try to talk themselves into liking a woman. None of this "she is great on paper", no spark, and debating a second date. So don't feel bad if you aren't feeling it.

I think there can be situations where someone meets as co-workers or friends first and you suddenly see the person differently and it ends up romantic. But in general if you are making a snap decision to go out on a date with a guy or not, I could only see being on the fence if objectively speaking you think he is attractive but due to nerves/awkwardness you weren't connecting or think you have enough in common. If you don't think he is attractive, personality isn't going to overcome it. I do think though there can be someone that isn't your normal type that you connect and have chemistry...but that didn't sound like your date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Trust your gut. I didn't andended up married to someone I should not have married. I ignored weirdness. Don't ignore anything. No more than one more date. No mercy or pity dates.

NP here. I did exactly the same thing as PP and regret it.

Your problem wasn't that you went on a 2nd date. It's that you went on a 3rd and 4th and 5th.

DH was super awkward and shy on our first (and 2nd date). It helped that I was attracted to him. But the guy I have now isn't the same guy I met on those first few dates. I'm so glad I gave him time to get comfortable around me.

[Anonymous]

you sound lame.

[Anonymous]

The OPs description of their first date could have been the first date with my now husband! I waivered between wanting to go on a second date and not wanting to and I am so glad I did. The 2nd date was so much more relaxed and we had a great time.

[Anonymous]

I completely agree. I had a wonderful time on my first date with my husband, but wasn't sure that what I felt for him was more than for a great friend. Thank goodness I didn't give up on him - we have now been married for 3 years and are expecting our first baby, and I am still over-the-moon happy with him. He's handsome, witty, very attentive, successful, kind to my family - the list goes on! I think I dismissed him in part because he was so straightforward from the get-go, and I was used to the "bad boys" who didn't treat me well. Turns out I needed to recalibrate what I was looking for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I completely agree. I had a wonderful time on my first date with my husband, but wasn't sure that what I felt for him was more than for a great friend. Thank goodness I didn't give up on him - we have now been married for 3 years and are expecting our first baby, and I am still over-the-moon happy with him. He's handsome, witty, very attentive, successful, kind to my family - the list goes on! I think I dismissed him in part because he was so straightforward from the get-go, and I was used to the "bad boys" who didn't treat me well. Turns out I needed to recalibrate what I was looking for.

PP from 23:30 here. Yes! I think that can be the case a lot of the time when you have certain expectations for who you are normally into. I definitely thought my type was the outgoing kind who was really charismatic, and that was the type I dated for a long time. In comes my now DH who is quiet and observant and basically the opposite of me, but it works really well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are you/him?

I'm 36. I have two kids. He's 40.

You're lucky to have any dates.

Thank you for your comment.

PP is crude but spot on. You're 36 with two kids. You need to be LESS picky, not more picky. THIS guy is the prize, he's 40 with no kids. His opportunities are endless, as opposed to you, who has an immense amount of baggage. You should feel fortunate, he can date much younger than you but he for some god forsaken reason chose you.

A 40-yr-old guy who has never been married and has no kids is no prize. He has serious issues if he hasn't found anyone willing to marry him by that age- either commitment-phobic or terrible relationship skills or terrible in bed or personality disorder. Sure, maybe he has a lot more free time and money to date and get laid than the OP, but that guy is no prize!