affording to live alone after separation with kids and moving out of state

[Anonymous]

I have two children and am seeking to separate from my spouse. Splitting into two households will be an incredible financial strain as our kids are still in day care. Housing in our area (modest 2 BR so kids would share a room), convenient to both of our jobs, will still run around 50% of my take home pay. Husband makes slightly more than I do by about 30k. He will likely want joint custody. I would like to move back to my home town where cost of living is much more affordable, and I have family. Is it even possible to pursue that route, knowing he will want joint custody? I'm not out to get him, but I want to consider quality of life so I'm at a loss.

[Anonymous]

Ask yourself how would you react if he asked you for this?

[Anonymous]

I would go for it. I believe in most cases young children should stay with the mother if stable. Also, if you can't make it where you're at it's what you need to do. If you're moving out of state you would need permission. If it's a few hours away not a problem as far as the court is concerned. In regards to daycare I would opt for a small in home which would be a lot cheater. You can save a ton, but that cost may end up being paid by your stbx depending on how it all pans out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would go for it. I believe in most cases young children should stay with the mother if stable. Also, if you can't make it where you're at it's what you need to do. If you're moving out of state you would need permission. If it's a few hours away not a problem as far as the court is concerned. In regards to daycare I would opt for a small in home which would be a lot cheater. You can save a ton, but that cost may end up being paid by your stbx depending on how it all pans out.

I'm curious as to which jurisdiction you practice in that takes this view with regard to joint custody cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask yourself how would you react if he asked you for this?

+1. Unless you're escaping an abusive situation it's a horrible idea to blow up a family like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask yourself how would you react if he asked you for this?

+1. Unless you're escaping an abusive situation it's a horrible idea to blow up a family like this.

Blow up a family by divorcing? Or by moving out of state?

[Anonymous]

It isn't certainly possible to move far away and still share custody, but it looks much different and may not be in the best interest of your kids, so really think about it. It may mean your kids spend the school year with your ex, and all school breaks with you, or vice versa. Is it worth that for the gains of a bigger home and fewer financial struggles? Only you can answer that.

[Anonymous]

How incr di my selfish of you to think of talking the kids away from their father so you can live more comfortably. No. They deserve both parents, even if it means cramped quarters and no luxury.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How incr di my selfish of you to think of talking the kids away from their father so you can live more comfortably. No. They deserve both parents, even if it means cramped quarters and no luxury.

Yeah, every kid wants poverty so they can have two parents.

I'd make the bid to move. Or put your marriage back together. As you are finding, divorce is absolutely devastating both emotionally and financially. Think of your children, ad the advantages they could have if you weren't stripping them of money and the other parent.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered not splitting up? Sticking it out AT LEAST until the kids are out of day care? Barring any abuse, this should be doable. Yes, you deserve to be happy but not in the short term. And finances play a huge role in your happiness too.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

So she's supposed to be homeless?

I hate this father's rights bullshit.

[Anonymous]

And that's why a lot of people stay together who might have divorced if they had been richer...

Divorce is not as easy as people think it is.

Unless one of you is beating the other black and blue, you should both re-think this decision until your finances are in better shape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

So she's supposed to be homeless?

I hate this father's rights bullshit.

Why is it bullshit? Fathers lose their rights the moment divorce gets mentioned? Are you insane?

[Anonymous]

My two children share a bedroom by choice. It's REALLY not a hardship.