affording to live alone after separation with kids and moving out of state

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier in the threat asking if there is a way to work it out. I am asking this in the most sincere way. Divorce sucks. There is nothing rosy about it. You think it will be better, but it almost never is. You will be ruined financially, emotionally, you will never have time for yourself. You will probably fight endlessly about the decisions regarding your children. The fights you were having in your marriage usually just get worse.

Anyway, if you must, get a divorce. But it's worth reconsidering. Money is not a small reason to try to stay married.

NP and sorry to derail but this is the way I see it, even when some unsavory elements are present. I want to divorce and have good reason to, but it will make my life and the lives of my kids a trillion times more difficult, so I won't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My two children share a bedroom by choice. It's REALLY not a hardship.

What about if your children share a bedroom, you live in a tiny apartment AND pay half your salary for the dump you live in. Forget vacations or any extras for the kids. The entire paycheck goes towards basic needs indefinitely with no end in sight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My two children share a bedroom by choice. It's REALLY not a hardship.

What about if your children share a bedroom, you live in a tiny apartment AND pay half your salary for the dump you live in. Forget vacations or any extras for the kids. The entire paycheck goes towards basic needs indefinitely with no end in sight.

I've lived this way for the last 12 years with my DS. We have what we need and a little bit of what we want. Honestly, it really isn't much of a hardship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would do it if husband was on board. maybe he will agree to it in exchange for lowering child support.

Do you think this is all fathers care about? What if he gets custody and the mom pays supoort?

I said IF he agrees and MAYBE. ok?

Yes he might be all for it. Some men want their children to live in a decent home, and the mothers doing well.
OP let us know how it goes. It would be nice if you both could help each other out. That would be ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

Very true. Move to your hometown before separating legally. That's the best way to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

Very true. Move to your hometown before separating legally. That's the best way to make it happen.

I am just amazed by the number of women (presumably, or maybe it's men too, or maybe it's just one over and over again) suggesting that she just move her kid away for the other parent without his consent and possibly knowledge. 1) This is unethical for various reasons. 2) a judge will not like this kind of a stunt. Just because the parents could not get along does not mean one parent unilaterally decides to take parenting rights away from the other. Be prepared to be dealt a very hard hand in court if you do this and rightfully so.

I don't know what the reason is you are divorcing, but neither do any of the people who are suggesting that you just up and basically kidnap the child. There is a right way and the wrong way to do this. Take the high road.

I seriously doubt you all would be suggesting a man do this to a mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

Very true. Move to your hometown before separating legally. That's the best way to make it happen.

I am just amazed by the number of women (presumably, or maybe it's men too, or maybe it's just one over and over again) suggesting that she just move her kid away for the other parent without his consent and possibly knowledge. 1) This is unethical for various reasons. 2) a judge will not like this kind of a stunt. Just because the parents could not get along does not mean one parent unilaterally decides to take parenting rights away from the other. Be prepared to be dealt a very hard hand in court if you do this and rightfully so.

I don't know what the reason is you are divorcing, but neither do any of the people who are suggesting that you just up and basically kidnap the child. There is a right way and the wrong way to do this. Take the high road.

I seriously doubt you all would be suggesting a man do this to a mother.

Generally agree with this (particularly the bolded) and this is the reason why you should never take anything resembling legal advice from DCUM.

[Anonymous]

OP what if your ex-dh takes more custody and has the kids more often until you can get a better paying job or get a better degree to be able to afford to be a single mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP what if your ex-dh takes more custody and has the kids more often until you can get a better paying job or get a better degree to be able to afford to be a single mom?

Bad advice. If you give up custody, you will never get it back. 70-30 now becomes 70-30 forever.

Take a small place here and get a second job on non-custody time or negotiate to move if he'll agree. You'll be surprised. Some
men who say they want 50/50 custody will be willing to settle for one weekend a month or Weekly Skype and/or half of each summer and major holidays, especially if child support and shared expenses are less expensive in Podunk, Iowa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

Very true. Move to your hometown before separating legally. That's the best way to make it happen.

She needs to let him know first, and in 6 months she'll have established residency there. Tell DH for financial purposes they don't need to file the divorce for a year or two. Let him slide on child support or allow him to help here and there. She can do that legally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

Very true. Move to your hometown before separating legally. That's the best way to make it happen.

She needs to let him know first, and in 6 months she'll have established residency there. Tell DH for financial purposes they don't need to file the divorce for a year or two. Let him slide on child support or allow him to help here and there. She can do that legally.

So you think this guy, who OP says is going to want joint custody, is going to be ok with her moving several hours away with the kid(s)? I guess only OP knows her husband and it never hurts to ask but seems unlikely based on what has been presented.

[Anonymous]

OP should try to talk dh into not filling for quite sometime. Meanwhile she can move and get stabilized.

[Anonymous]

You cannot leave the marital home in Virginia with the kids. It is considered abandonment. No judge is going to allow you to move away and not let your husband have custody. agreement in place. Please contact an attorney so you can get the correct facts on separation and divorce agreements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this is likely a tough sell in any of the local jurisdictions unless the father is on board. Speak to an attorney about the specifics of your situation before making any plans.

--VA family law attorney

So she's supposed to be homeless?

I hate this father's rights bullshit.

Why is it bullshit? Fathers lose their rights the moment divorce gets mentioned? Are you insane?

Because most fathers just want to get out of paying child support. If they were that attached to the family, there wouldn't be a divorce.

Or cheating.

[Anonymous]

Actually she can leave if she can prove he's ok with it. If she moves and he doesn't file for quite sometime the judge will see he wasn't opposed to it.
She'll have to tell him or convince him this is best. Some men want their freedom to date and have more time to themselves instead of babysitting. OP let us know what he says.