College aged DD sad that she has not found a good guy while her friends have.

[Anonymous]

My college aged DD was in a serious relationship up until a few months ago. The guy betrayed her and turned out to be a completely different guy than he portrayed himself. He moved in with and got engaged to another woman while dating my DD! She is obviously better off without him, but the pain of betrayal is till there.

For the most part she is focused on school and career goals - she has a very bright future in front of her and in on the path to success. She is involved in a lot of clubs and activities.

Lately most of her friends have been getting into relationships or getting deeper into relationships. She is getting down about being the only single one. She is applying to grad schools and has a strong chance of getting in to her top programs.

When she opens up her heart to me with things like, "why did I waste so much time with him?," or "What is wrong with me - why can my friends find good guys and I cannot?" I really don't know what to say. She is attractive, smart, and is personable.

I just hate seeing her down on herself and don't know what to say. Thanks for any help here!

[Anonymous]

That's life? You can't possibly be concerned about her, can you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's life? You can't possibly be concerned about her, can you?

What a stupid reply? She could possibly have a great relationship with her children, couldn't she?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My college aged DD was in a serious relationship up until a few months ago. The guy betrayed her and turned out to be a completely different guy than he portrayed himself. He moved in with and got engaged to another woman while dating my DD! She is obviously better off without him, but the pain of betrayal is till there.

For the most part she is focused on school and career goals - she has a very bright future in front of her and in on the path to success. She is involved in a lot of clubs and activities.

Lately most of her friends have been getting into relationships or getting deeper into relationships. She is getting down about being the only single one. She is applying to grad schools and has a strong chance of getting in to her top programs.

When she opens up her heart to me with things like, "why did I waste so much time with him?," or "What is wrong with me - why can my friends find good guys and I cannot?" I really don't know what to say. She is attractive, smart, and is personable.

I just hate seeing her down on herself and don't know what to say. Thanks for any help here!

Don't worry, OP. College hook-ups are usually college hook-ups only. Tell her to concentrate on her Graduate studies. Most serious relationships with a more compatible peer group occurs in graduate school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's life? You can't possibly be concerned about her, can you?

OP here. Yes, I am concerned, which is why I posted. She is down and I want to help. We have a great relationship. If your mom does not have have your back, well, then that is not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's life? You can't possibly be concerned about her, can you?

OP here. Yes, I am concerned, which is why I posted. She is down and I want to help. We have a great relationship. If your mom does not have have your back, well, then that is not good.

Ok Helicopter Mom. Good luck being the meddling mother in her relationships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's life? You can't possibly be concerned about her, can you?

OP here. Yes, I am concerned, which is why I posted. She is down and I want to help. We have a great relationship. If your mom does not have have your back, well, then that is not good.

Ok Helicopter Mom. Good luck being the meddling mother in her relationships.

Good point. I will cut off all contact with her. Thanks - this was really helpful.

[Anonymous]

She's 20/21. There is plenty of life ahead of her. Most people aren't finding their life partner in college. All these experiences will help her in the long run because she will be better at sorting out the good from the not so good.

[Anonymous]

You just model a good marriage and hopefully she finds a good man. That's all you can do as her mom.

[Anonymous]

I would tell her she's lucky that she got a cheap lesson. She could have been his fiancee or worse, his wife, before she discovered he was a bad egg. Let her know this is why there is no need to rush things in finding a guy to get serious with. Let her know to look at the big picture. Now she knows how some of her friends might have felt when she was in a serious relationship and this will help her to be a better friend. It may also help her have a better idea of what she wants and realize that a certain type of guy that she avoided previously might be worth a shot. College is such a great learning experience with as much or more to be learned outside the classroom as inside. Take some time, reflect on things, maybe take advantage of this time period to do something she always wanted to do or try something she always wanted to try. Most importantly, tell her she is great and there are plenty of guys that will see it. She just need to open her eyes and her mind. There are likely several chomping at the bit to ask her out right now but the fear being the "rebound" or pushing in "too soon".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell her she's lucky that she got a cheap lesson. She could have been his fiancee or worse, his wife, before she discovered he was a bad egg. Let her know this is why there is no need to rush things in finding a guy to get serious with. Let her know to look at the big picture. Now she knows how some of her friends might have felt when she was in a serious relationship and this will help her to be a better friend. It may also help her have a better idea of what she wants and realize that a certain type of guy that she avoided previously might be worth a shot. College is such a great learning experience with as much or more to be learned outside the classroom as inside. Take some time, reflect on things, maybe take advantage of this time period to do something she always wanted to do or try something she always wanted to try. Most importantly, tell her she is great and there are plenty of guys that will see it. She just need to open her eyes and her mind. There are likely several chomping at the bit to ask her out right now but the fear being the "rebound" or pushing in "too soon".

This.

[Anonymous]

She needs to know how to break up with somebody. Is this her 1st breakup? If so, it's a good experience to go through and to see you can come out okay in the end.

She is too young to be meeting the guy she wants to marry anyway.
This is a perfect time to break up so she is free to go anywhere she wants for graduate school.
Most men at this age are really not good guys, her friends seem to be "good guys" but they may not be, just like her boyfriend was a creep.

Tell her you love her and that this too shall pass. Send a gift card to a good friend of hers and have her friend take her out to eat.

This is all part of growing up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's life? You can't possibly be concerned about her, can you?

OP here. Yes, I am concerned, which is why I posted. She is down and I want to help. We have a great relationship. If your mom does not have have your back, well, then that is not good.

I am reading perhaps (maybe too charitably) as saying that this isn't a big deal and doesn't justify being seriously worried, not that you shouldn't care about your daughter's feelings. Aaand I kind of think that's right. What she's going through is a typical growing pain type situation. It's sad but it's part of becoming adult.

If it's any consolation tell her that my first serious girlfriend cheated on me and I was fine. Found someone nicer a year later, broke up with her, had some other relationships and am now married with a kid.

Tell her to create an OKCupid profile. Go on some dates.

[Anonymous]

PP here-I intend to avoid this situation by not letting my young daughter date until she's 30.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's life? You can't possibly be concerned about her, can you?

OP here. Yes, I am concerned, which is why I posted. She is down and I want to help. We have a great relationship. If your mom does not have have your back, well, then that is not good.

I am reading perhaps (maybe too charitably) as saying that this isn't a big deal and doesn't justify being seriously worried, not that you shouldn't care about your daughter's feelings. Aaand I kind of think that's right. What she's going through is a typical growing pain type situation. It's sad but it's part of becoming adult.

If it's any consolation tell her that my first serious girlfriend cheated on me and I was fine. Found someone nicer a year later, broke up with her, had some other relationships and am now married with a kid.

Tell her to create an OKCupid profile. Go on some dates.

[Anonymous]

I would expect OP to post this in the Parenting or Family forum and her DD to post it in the Relationship Discussion. Having mom posting this in the Relationship Discussion is kind of weird.