Fiancee lied about being divorced

[Anonymous]

We are supposed to get married in a few months, and I find out from a third party that they are not actually divorced yet. She said that it was a money thing, they couldn't afford it so they kept putting it off - they have been living apart for years. They finally filed when she figured out it was serious.

She said this is the only thing that she has ever lied about because she was terrified of losing me if I found out it she was still married.

I feel like I've been punched. She is the love of my life.

What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I would end it until she is actually single.

[Anonymous]

Wait for her to be divorced? Or dump her? Depends on how much you love her and what is your capacity for forgiveness.

[Anonymous]

I'd be more concerned about the lying than her marital status. Has she ever been dishonest before?

[Anonymous]

Eh. It's paperwork. They have it in motion now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh. It's paperwork. They have it in motion now.

This. If she's the one, don't mess it up over a legal status that's about to change.

[Anonymous]

Just to clarify, is she legally divorced now and is there an impediment to the marriage?

I would see it as a red flag, because it means that under stress she is likely to take the "easy" way out, and lie, or worse, in the process.
However, if she's young and you think she can change, then...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be more concerned about the lying than her marital status. Has she ever been dishonest before?

+1

[Anonymous]

I'd be concerned about the lie.

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy who values total openness and honestly. I never hold anything in a woman's past against her but she is hiding something in the present from you. Not saying I would leave her but it would definitely put the relationship in a holding pattern.

[Anonymous]

I think the lie is particularly concerning because you found out from a third party and never from her. I think you have to do some soul searching both on your own and through conversations with her.

[Anonymous]

Paperwork, sure. But she should have told him. How do you get engaged to someone and not mentioned you are not divorced legally yet???

[Anonymous]

How did the third party know? Is the divorce final now?

[Anonymous]

How long have you been dating?

[Anonymous]

Lying, especially about such a big thing, is a total and complete deal-breaker. Walk away ASAP.

And, remember, the person you thought you loved was someone she constructed to keep you around. She withheld information in order to control your reaction. That is no way to begin a marriage.