Is this age gap too big?
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Anonymous
| My 18 year old son is dating a 24 (JUST turned 24) year old girl. She's awesome, kind, and a good influence (she doesn't party or drink), I couldn't say enough amazing things about her. But the age gap puts me off a bit. They met through mutual friends and have actually been together for a while, but I find myself embarrassed when she's over at the house for family parties or events and I wonder if people are judging her, my son or my family. And when someone asks me out of curiosity how old she is, I usually lie and say she's 20. That's about how old she looks anyways. The age of consent is actually 16 in my state, so it's not like I'm worried from a legal standpoint, but I guess I'm just not sure if I'm overreacting or underreacting? Would you be a little put off by this age gap if it were your kid? I'm not an overbearing mother, and I have no intention of talking him out of the relationship or anything, but I guess I'm just curious what you all would think in this situation. They are really in love, truly are amazing together and I can really see this working out for them for the long haul, so I know the age gap won't look as bad when they're older. But out of curiousity, has anyone else had an experience like this and did you care? |
Anonymous
| No its fine. Its weird on her side, at 24 to want to date a teenage boy, but its fine. |
Anonymous
| Presumably, she graduated from college and is now working (or in grad school). They are at very different stages of their lives. If the genders were reversed what would you say? (I know I would strongly, strongly discourage my 18 year old DD from dating a 24 year old. DH would be outraged and not allow the BF to cross the threshold our our house.) |
Anonymous
| I don't think most would bar an eye if your son were the older one. |
Anonymous
Bat an eye. Sorry. |
Anonymous
| The relationship either speaks very highly about your son as a mature individual or very lowly about the girl as an individual with emotional maturity as an 18 y/o man. |
Anonymous
| I would bat an eye if my 18 year old daughter was dating a 24 year old man. My Dad would also have had something to say about it if I was still in High School. He didn't allow me to date more than two years older. |
Anonymous
+1. I wouldn't like this. At all. Not much you can do about it, but I wouldn't be particularly welcoming to this person. That is, I would be polite and friendly, as I am to all visitors to my home, but I wouldn't invite her to family activities/gatherings or allow DS to invite her on vacation with us, etc. |
Anonymous
You bet I would. What would a 24 year old man be doing with a *high school* senior. To put it into perspective, a 24 year old could be a first year associate at a law firm. I can only imagine the incredulity of everyone at the office if he were to bring in his high school girlfriend to work functions. |
Anonymous
| Stay out of it. The worst life-long result happens when parents interfere with their children's love life, especially adult children. At the least she's any easy lay and he's getting some experience, more confident in this area in the future. Or she's the total package and her maturity (relative) is an over-all positive. |
Anonymous
|
I'm missing where op says her kid is in high school....
Anyway, if you like her character and they have a healthy relationship, I'd be fine with it. Your son could date someone who looks great on paper but who drags him down into an emotional hell. Character, kindness, support, honesty. All there? Awesome! |
Anonymous
|
I have a 35 year old acquaintance who is married to a 23 year old. They started dating when she was 32 and he was 20. I find THAT awkward.
6 years doesn't seem like that big a deal to me. |
Anonymous
| OP here. My son is not in high school, but they have been together since he was a senior. I've gotten to know her pretty well- and from what I can tell, she is definitely more mentally mature than my son. He gets a lot of good advice from her regarding school, career paths, etc. and she's taught him a lot and he has matured TONS since they've been together. That being said, emotionally, it appears as though DS "wears the pants". I think they balance each other out. I truly do like them as a couple. I adore her and I think she's been good for him. The age is the only thing that doesn't look good on paper for me. I was just curious if anyone else would let that affect your support of the relationship or if you would look past it if everything else seemed great. |
Anonymous
| Sounds like one of those high school teachers that pray on their students for sexual gratification. She must have issues to be 24 and want to date a teenager. |
Anonymous
| He must be well endowed to have a lady that old wanting him. By your own admission she is more mature than he is so it must be physical. |