Is this age gap too big?

[Anonymous]

It's really odd to me that she wants to date him, but it sounds like you don't see any actual red flags and really like her, so I wouldn't spend any more time thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

Not OP, but am I the only one who thinks of MY 18yo DS as an adult, not a "teenaged boy" as everyone seems to be referring to OP's son? If I liked the girl, this wouldn't bother me. My DS has some friends in their early-mid 20's, and I think of them all as young adults. They have the same interests, talk about the same things, etc. Literally the only difference is that some have a more "adult" job. I'm assuming this is the case with OPs son and the gf. If it were a 15 year old and 21 year old or 16&22, that's put me off because it really would seem that they'd be in completely different parts of their lives. But this age gap seems fine. They're both in early stages of adulthood, going out on their own, the 18 year old is old enough to know when someone's intentions are bad. This really does not seem like a "creepy woman preying on a young boy".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He must be well endowed to have a lady that old wanting him. By your own admission she is more mature than he is so it must be physical.

How does this make sense? Wouldn't you think a guy her own age would have more sexual experience than an 18 year old? From what OP said, they are a great fit. And from how she described the girlfriend, it really doesn't seem that she has some weird sexual motive.

[Anonymous]

It's a little weird. So she'd already graduated from college when he was still in HS. And he is also quite young to be 18 at the end of freshman year in college, so was a young high schooler. Age gaps are okay but to be in such a different place in their lives seems odd. And is he really embracing college? A friend's college age daughter was dating an older guy who was about the same years older as yours so had already graduated and was working and it wasn't a good situation because he didn't want her to spend time doing the things she wanted to do in college because it took away from time with him.

[Anonymous]

If the ages were reversed everyone would call the guy a creep ... a creep who was likely grooming her until she turned 18.

[Anonymous]

In college my 20yo roommate was dating a wealthy 17yo boy who was still at her hometown high school. She openly admitted it was because he was rich. It was super weird. She'd get him drunk on the weekends and it was just ... strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think most would bar an eye if your son were the older one.

You bet I would. What would a 24 year old man be doing with a *high school* senior. To put it into perspective, a 24 year old could be a first year associate at a law firm. I can only imagine the incredulity of everyone at the office if he were to bring in his high school girlfriend to work functions.

+1 to this. My 24-year-old son would get an earful from me. Not appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not OP, but am I the only one who thinks of MY 18yo DS as an adult, not a "teenaged boy" as everyone seems to be referring to OP's son? If I liked the girl, this wouldn't bother me. My DS has some friends in their early-mid 20's, and I think of them all as young adults. They have the same interests, talk about the same things, etc. Literally the only difference is that some have a more "adult" job. I'm assuming this is the case with OPs son and the gf. If it were a 15 year old and 21 year old or 16&22, that's put me off because it really would seem that they'd be in completely different parts of their lives. But this age gap seems fine. They're both in early stages of adulthood, going out on their own, the 18 year old is old enough to know when someone's intentions are bad. This really does not seem like a "creepy woman preying on a young boy".

I think of my 19-year-old DS as an adult. In fact, I think of him as 19 going on 30. He's quite mature for his age and very intellectual. I still would not be happy with his dating someone in her mid-twenties. I just think the difference in experiences, etc., including experience with relationships, is problematic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My son is not in high school, but they have been together since he was a senior. I've gotten to know her pretty well- and from what I can tell, she is definitely more mentally mature than my son. He gets a lot of good advice from her regarding school, career paths, etc. and she's taught him a lot and he has matured TONS since they've been together. That being said, emotionally, it appears as though DS "wears the pants". I think they balance each other out. I truly do like them as a couple. I adore her and I think she's been good for him. The age is the only thing that doesn't look good on paper for me. I was just curious if anyone else would let that affect your support of the relationship or if you would look past it if everything else seemed great.

But why? Why would she be interested in a high school kid? It's just....off.

Imagine when you were 23, dating someone with a curfew. I mean, come on.

Sorry, it does make me think really poorly of her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My son is not in high school, but they have been together since he was a senior. I've gotten to know her pretty well- and from what I can tell, she is definitely more mentally mature than my son. He gets a lot of good advice from her regarding school, career paths, etc. and she's taught him a lot and he has matured TONS since they've been together. That being said, emotionally, it appears as though DS "wears the pants". I think they balance each other out. I truly do like them as a couple. I adore her and I think she's been good for him. The age is the only thing that doesn't look good on paper for me. I was just curious if anyone else would let that affect your support of the relationship or if you would look past it if everything else seemed great.

So you adore her, you think she's been good for him, and you like them as a couple. Hooray! If I were you, I'd leave it at that, instead of borrowing trouble. (I also wouldn't lie about her age.)

[Anonymous]

It's less about the numbers and more about being at the same stage in life. I met my DH when I was 21 and he was 28, but we were both in our first year in law school. Would have been super weird if I had met him just a couple years earlier when I was in college and he was teaching college.

[Anonymous]

Does she have her own apartment? Paying all her own bills? Does she live at home? Is she fully "launched"?

Sadly, with the extended adolescence that we've come to accept, most 24 year olds aren't living as adults. This isn't 30 years ago. If she appears to have it together but still living at home and whatnot, they're not really in different stages of life.

[Anonymous]

Done reading the drivel. OP, its legal, it's love, it's them, it's okay, and it's not creepy whether the older is the man or the older is the woman. Either way, start thinking of her as your daughter in law. Congrats on a nice match.

[Anonymous]

When you're an adult, 6 years is nothing. My mom and my stepdad are 6 years apart, and they have been married for 30 years. My husband is 5 years older than me. It's not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you're an adult, 6 years is nothing. My mom and my stepdad are 6 years apart, and they have been married for 30 years. My husband is 5 years older than me. It's not a big deal.

I agree that as adults, the age differences matters less. The older, the less important the gap. However, I find that the late teens and early twenties are such a formative period transitioning into adulthood (in the cultural and psychological sense, not necessarily the legal sense) that the gap between someone who is a senior in HS and someone who may have completed graduate school to be too much. If the younger person in OP's situation were 24, and the older 30, I wouldn't bat an eye.