Sister - need to find the right words to tell her...

[Anonymous]

My sister is in her late 40s and has gone through a series of profession jobs over the past decade. Most of these have ended by her being laid off (this field tends to do massive layoffs/hiring as projects start) OR because of her negative attitude. She is a complainer, big time.

She has been in current job for ~18 months and had her first "talking to" about her attitude. Her reaction is that she is shocked - because she feels she is justified in her complaints. And she wants to start looking for a new job. I want to be supportive, but after this many times in a row ( 3 I can remember in the past 5 years), maybe her employers are right and she needs to be more positive. How do I nicely tell her this?

For her current situation I do think she's justified based on her side of the story. her coworker isn't pulling his weight and she complains to everyone about it. I think since she hasn't had to supervise people she doesn't realize that a supervisor wouldn't waste time on her attitude unless it was really affecting her co-workers. I just don't know how to tell her to stop complaining without hurting her feelings.

[Anonymous]

Dont insert yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dont insert yourself.

OP here - I dont' disagree, but then what I do I say when she brings it up complaining. Do I just say, "awww, I am so sorry this is happening again"... I am not great at faking emotion so I am trying to craft statements in advance that I can believe in. She has been texting me all day, so I know the call is coming.

[Anonymous]

Tell her she has spoken her peace at work and recommend she lays low so management can handle it. Just because she was scolded doesn't mean she needs to find another job, it means she needs to zip her mouth closed and let the powers that be take action or inaction. Sometimes organizations let certain people slide with behaviors or work output that you or I may get in trouble for. This may be that type of situation. She needs to roll with it and do her job the best she can despite what goes on around her.

Let her talk and you just listen and acknowledge. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Have her full attention and speak your concerns once very directly. You're doing it because it sounds as if you feel some sense of duty. It's really a MYOB issue but I think it's also reasonable for you to avoid your own feelings of regret if you didn't speak - so if your peace of mind is worth the risk - say it once, and then not again. And afterwards, you also can have e neutral response to her complaints or if it's over the top insist that she stop complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is in her late 40s and has gone through a series of profession jobs over the past decade. Most of these have ended by her being laid off (this field tends to do massive layoffs/hiring as projects start) OR because of her negative attitude. She is a complainer, big time.

She has been in current job for ~18 months and had her first "talking to" about her attitude. Her reaction is that she is shocked - because she feels she is justified in her complaints. And she wants to start looking for a new job. I want to be supportive, but after this many times in a row ( 3 I can remember in the past 5 years), maybe her employers are right and she needs to be more positive. How do I nicely tell her this?

For her current situation I do think she's justified based on her side of the story. her coworker isn't pulling his weight and she complains to everyone about it. I think since she hasn't had to supervise people she doesn't realize that a supervisor wouldn't waste time on her attitude unless it was really affecting her co-workers. I just don't know how to tell her to stop complaining without hurting her feelings.

Tell her that if this method was going to be effective then by now at her age, she would know and in fact would have been promoted several times over. Since that's not happening, she needs to realize that this method does not work.

Then tell her if this is really truly something that is an issue and it's really effecting her ability to deliver her work, then she needs to stop complaining out loud to everyone who will listen because it cheapens her message. Then she needs to quietly start keeping a paper trail. Ask in writing for any work she needs from her coworker, send follow up emails when work is not delivered, then after she has a month or two of paper trail, she needs to request a meeting with her boss only and describe the issues and have the email as back up to the situation.

[Anonymous]

The easiest may be to tell her you aren't up to listening to her vent and redirect the conversation to a different topic, or end the call.

If you're open to a litlle bit of conversation about it, you can ask questions that may lead her to figuring out her own solution, "Oh, that's too bad, what will you do about it?"

[Anonymous]

Tell her that she needs to come up with a new way to deal with her concerns. Suggest that since making constant complaints (quite possibly to the wrong people) seems to get her in trouble, she should brainstorm other ways to get her point across. Biggest thing is to MYOB and just do her own job and leave others alone!

[Anonymous]

She's old enough to know that life isn't fair and every workplace has slackers.

She's also old enough to know the whiners are the ones who lose out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister is in her late 40s and has gone through a series of profession jobs over the past decade. Most of these have ended by her being laid off (this field tends to do massive layoffs/hiring as projects start) OR because of her negative attitude. She is a complainer, big time.

She has been in current job for ~18 months and had her first "talking to" about her attitude. Her reaction is that she is shocked - because she feels she is justified in her complaints. And she wants to start looking for a new job. I want to be supportive, but after this many times in a row ( 3 I can remember in the past 5 years), maybe her employers are right and she needs to be more positive. How do I nicely tell her this?

For her current situation I do think she's justified based on her side of the story. her coworker isn't pulling his weight and she complains to everyone about it. I think since she hasn't had to supervise people she doesn't realize that a supervisor wouldn't waste time on her attitude unless it was really affecting her co-workers. I just don't know how to tell her to stop complaining without hurting her feelings.

"It sounds like your complaints are all valid (whether or not they really are); but maybe you need to try some different, more constructive ways of expressing them, or even just biting your tongue even when you know you are right. It doesn't seem fair that you are being punished when your co-worker is the slacker, but you might be complaining more than you realize." Don't sound too certain (since you weren't there), and empathize.