How to get over boyfriend's sexual past

[Anonymous]

I am consumed by jealousy thinking of my boyfriend's sexual history. I dwell on it a lot. I have anxiety and OCD, so it's probably connected. Any btdt experiences? I know it's immature and I also had my own life before him, but I can't help it.

[Anonymous]

I hope you don't intend to start a thread like this without spilling the beans, OP. You'd be just a troll, then.

So, what did he do?

[Anonymous]

Honestly he didn't do anything, was just promiscuous before I met him. I just need advice how to deal with my thoughts.

[Anonymous]

Dump him. You'll never get over it. Warning: you will regret dumping him, but you will learn from the regret not to freak out on the next one that comes along.

[Anonymous]

I was like that with my boyfriend turned husband. The longer we dated the less the past mattered. I just didn't let myself think about it too much.

[Anonymous]

Would you prefer if you had more experience than him?

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing almost everyone has BTDT unless they've found a virgin. Your only option is pretty much to accept it or find a virgin.

[Anonymous]

My DH (then bf) was like that. The only thing that helped him was counseling. That should help with your OCD and anxiety, which my DH also had.

[Anonymous]

What is "promiscuous"?

[Anonymous]

indiscriminate

[Anonymous]

Recognize that when you go through these uncomfortable feelings, your focus should be inward - on yourself - rather than your BF. Meaning, you CANNOT look to him to soothe or reassure you, or whatever it is you seek from him when these thoughts arise.

It sounds like you recognize this is your issue and that it is a problem, which is key - that is a good sign that you can overcome this. Are you already seeing a therapist? That's where I'd start. What strategies have you used in the past for intrusive, obsessive thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump him. You'll never get over it. Warning: you will regret dumping him, but you will learn from the regret not to freak out on the next one that comes along.

You will also regret learning this lesson and will obsess over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dump him. You'll never get over it. Warning: you will regret dumping him, but you will learn from the regret not to freak out on the next one that comes along.

You will also regret learning this lesson and will obsess over it.

I bet you will obsess over this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am consumed by jealousy thinking of my boyfriend's sexual history. I dwell on it a lot. I have anxiety and OCD, so it's probably connected. Any btdt experiences? I know it's immature and I also had my own life before him, but I can't help it.

This is an anxiety thing and/or a self-esteem thing. Seriously try therapy. I don't mean to belittle anything you are feeling. But promiscuity in itself is no big deal. Now, if he was using women and otherwise treating them poorly. Cheating, leading people on just to get some, etc., then I'd be a little concerned. Look deeper at his character here. If he's a good guy in general, honest and kind, don't worry about his sexual past.

[Anonymous]

Take a different perspective. He has had all these women and he chose me. That makes me pretty special. View it thru that lens and move on. Dwelling on the past is never good. Learning from the past, living in the present andnlooking to the future is the way to go.