Grandma and Sugar
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Anonymous
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My MIL is morbidly obese, so this fact colors my reaction to her ever-present habit of giving my children whatever food/sugar they ask for. She is incapable (or just plain won't) of saying no to them for any request. She brings candy with her to visit, she has it at her house, she has cake and ice cream for desserts, and if they ask for more and more and more, she gives it to them. It drives me insane and I've become pretty tactless about how I handle it. I am very vocal about them not having any more sugar for the day, saying oh, we can't have a treat after lunch because we are having pie after dinner, no you cannot have candy before you have your birthday cake and ice cream, etc. I caught her giving my kids gummie bears this morning at 730 am, sneaking it of course, because she knows I'd be mad. I don't want to freak about this stuff because in the grand scheme of things, it's minor, and I know this. We see her at most once a month, but it's usually 1 time every 2 or 3 months. How do you all handle this? I'm pretty sure I just need to let it go, but it makes me so mad. This is exactly why her children (including my husband) have weight issues, and why she's so obese to the point that she has mobility issues. Help me gain perspective here.
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Anonymous
| I am no help. Grandmas on both sides are not obese but are local and unable to say no. The local is the issue because it happens too often. One goes out of her way to buy sugary treats for my food allergy child and is then put out when she doesn't eat them. I feign surprise at the size of the bag (always the family pack!) and put it away "for later" and then only give her one serving. |
Anonymous
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My mom also gives my son way too much sugar. I try to take the "it is grandma and she should spoil him" approach, but I admit. I now limit the visits because of this. I wish I had good advice for ypu, but we have even told her that he has been working hard to reduce what he eats (he s overweight).
She has always been like this with boys. My BIL threw up the first time he visited Barca use he felt obligated to eat all the food she offered. I think it is actually an eating disorder on her part. She wants to eat huge portions, so she gives other people huge portions. |
Anonymous
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Grandparents aren't supposed to be sneaky and contradict your parenting rules. They're there to be another set of loving individuals for children to have a relationship with.
I would keep saying no and if she doesn't "hear" it or understand it, you don't see her anymore. |
Anonymous
| If you want to poison a relationship over something that happens onc every 2-3 months, by all means, make a big deal over it. |
Anonymous
| So they see her about 7-9 times a year? Big deal, let it go. Tell you kids that is one of the special things about visiting Grandma that doesn't apply to the rest of their lives. |
Anonymous
I hate this. Grandparents are supposed to spoil children, they're supposed to help raise them. |
Anonymous
| We also have a local grandparent who does this. As a result, we limit visits. |
Anonymous
I can help. You have to work on your kids, not grandma. OP, think it through. She is totally unfixable. Don't waste your energy. I don't care how young your kids are (unless, really super-young), if they can talk, then you can teach them. But you don't want to set up a situation where they are going against grandma to her face. Depending on your kids' ages, you can (if young) have them accept it, thank grandma, and bring it to you. Etc. If they are older, discuss grandma's health and obesity. Time to be judgmental, OP. Just throw her under the bus and explain the situation. My mom is this way with the sweets. My FIL drinks too much, and when visits, the alcohol is proudly displayed. I've found that being honest with my kids, being "judgmental" in articulating our family values, helps much more than trying to work with the grandparent, or worse, trying to get my DH to work on his father (which is a recipe for spousal fighting) |
Anonymous
+1 I am careful about what my now teen DD eats and what she ate when she was small but didn't choose to make an issue over my late mom's giving her something sweet when we visited every few months. There was infinitely more to her grandparenting than what happened where food was concerned. OP, we're not talking about a weekly overthrow of your good eating habits; we're talking about a splurge that's going to be associated with going to see grandma. Just don't expect to leave your kids with grandma for extended periods and their health won't be affected by the food she gives them. I wonder if you're worried that genetics will predispose them to obesity since she's obese--? It's something to consider, of course, but cutting her off from them, especially as she does not live close enough to be a constant influence, would be extreme, to me. Your own influence day in and day out, through good diet you model at home, surely will matter more, OP. Sit down and think about her positive attributes rather than focusing on her obesity and the sweet treats. Isn't there something positive about her that means you can just let the treats issue go? |
Anonymous
| OP, I feel your pain. Clearly these PP don't know just how hard it can be. My MIL is also morbidly obsese and very defensive about it. She too, has mobility issues. Yet she has no problem feeding grandkids junk until they throw up and undermining parents about food at every opportunity. She has put soda in sippy cups and literally cries at seeing young children get water over juice. I'm so over it. Do these other PPs know just how crappy it is to put a sobbing, sugar crashing kid to bed? It's miserable for everyone. I've seen my SIL tell her not to bring sweets repeatedly and then MIL show up with a double batch of brownies. SIL said "thank you" and then turned around and threw them in the trash. I wish I had that strength. It's maddening. |
Anonymous
WOW! that is some major drama. crying at kids getting water instead of juice? She sounds out of her gourd. |
Anonymous
| This is what grandmas do. I assume she can't do activities with them. She probably shows love with food/candy. If she's morbidly obese, she won't be around much longer. I'd let it go |
Anonymous
| At that frequency I would 100% let it go. What I would do is talk feankly about any direct, obvious results of the sugar binging. If your kids have a sugar crash in a massive meltdown, help them make the connection between those two things. If they eat so much that they feel sick, point out that eating healthy foods makes you feel healthy and eating foods that are not healthy makes you feel sick. You don't have to do it in front of grandma or in a rude or judgmental way, but if done right this handful of days each year can be a learning experience for your kids. |
Anonymous
| OP, what does your husband think about this? |