Hitting with ADHD?
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Anonymous
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Can anyone tell me about their kids hitting or pushing others when they have ADHD? We're talking about the preschool/kindergarten set.
It's never malicious with my kid – it is always the "you're freaking me out by being too much in my airspace so please back the hell up," which she can't always articulate in the moment. Even her preschool teachers, who think she's great, have said, "Oh no, she's not trying to be mean, she's just trying to get people to back off." Right now, at preschool, it's not much of an issue as it's always with people she doesn't know who try to pick her up, take her by the arm, or just get overly pushy right in her face. She is 5, so we are not ready to medicate just yet. I have friends who dealt with this all the way through 1st grade with their son (walking down the hall would push his sister as he went by, would push in line, etc.). When we see her doing it, we catch her by the hands and say, "Arms are for hugging, not for hitting or pushing," she is always remorseful, but I don't want to her keep doing this into kindergarten this fall. We are working with a developmental pediatrician already and she is so far not testing on the spectrum, so please don't go off on that tangent. |
Anonymous
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Hitting is impulsive behavior and classic ADHD. 4/5 yr olds have trouble controlling themselves and more so if they have ADHD.
My kid, 9, with ASD/ADHD (combined type) has never hit anyone at any age but he is impulsive in other ways. ADHD medication stops his impulsive behaviors, keeps him from getting frustrated and refusing to do work, and makes him a much happier kid. |
Anonymous
My ADHD DD of the exact same age sometimes shows aggression --recent example include kicking a younger kid who was sitting inside her school cubby (violating her space), or hitting/pulling hair of a boy who insisted Star Wars was better than fairies. I think it's an impulse control issue/plus a failure to empathize. However, DD is FAR more likely to have trouble controlling positive affection--e.g., she gives unsolicited hugs and kisses throughout the day, including to kids who would rather not receive them. There's definitely a sensory element to her affection-giving/seeking. We do medicate, which helps but is not a silver bullet. |
Anonymous
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OP here.
I get what you're saying about the affection being impulsive too. She is very affectionate, and sometimes, when she has only known someone for a short time (but it's someone we clearly like too, like uncle's new girlfriend), she will hug them right away. It never extends to strangers so much or anything like that, but I do see what you mean about that being impulsive. She actually keeps her hands to herself quite well at school because she hates people getting in her space, so that is less of a problem. She also doesn't push in line. It's just the reflex, almost, of smacking or pushing when people don't respect her space. My DS, who is 11, is also ADHD – recently diagnosed and medicated. His impulses are less physical (he was never physical when he was little either), but as he approaches puberty, he gets angry very easily and will often lash out verbally more often, which was the reason we recently have tried medication. Too soon to tell yet, he is still on a very low dose. I definitely see it for her as part of the ADHD. She just has a little more trouble – like my son does – of regulating her emotions. I am very proud of her in many ways, though, because she can already use mindfulness techniques that my son has learned in CBT for anxiety to help calm herself down, like deep breathing, focusing on an object, counting, etc. So I know she has the capacity for better behavior, it's just frustrating because most people don't expect a 5 year old to be hitting or pushing. |
Anonymous
OP again. If you don't mind me asking, which medication was successful for you? We have just started Concerta with my son, and we have seen seen subtle improvements, but it's awfully early, and a very low dose. |
Anonymous
DS is on Focalin XR, 20mg at 4'4" and 55 lbs. He was on 15 mg but we had to increase the dosage because he is 10 lbs and 5 inches taller now and DS told us that he did not think his medication was working. It is working beautifully again with 20 mg. I have ADHD too and when I was 9, I was much more impulsive and had more issues with emotional regulation mainly temper tantrums than DS. Impulsiveness can come out in different ways. DS never has temper tantrums but expresses his impulsiveness verbally, "I want to get myself banned from "X" by behaving badly." Also, you should see an improvement almost right away if the ADHD medication is working and if you don't, the dosage is either too low or the wrong medication. But it is correct to start off at a low dose and gradually increase to the therapeutic dosage. Your child's psychiatrist should be closely monitoring his meds. |
Anonymous
So true! We are working with a great child psychiatrist who is very careful with meds dosing for kids. I personally suspect the dose is too low, but she wants us to give it at least a week or two (we just started last Saturday!), before gradually increasing it. I am seeing subtle changes in terms of better focus, more compliance about doing homework, more calmness, but when my DS gets really, really frustrated (like he does sometimes at school), he gets angry very quickly and can say mean things before he excuses himself to go calm down. Luckily no bad side effects at all, namely he still has an appetite. Same psych does not want to medicate our 5 year old yet, would rather wait until 6 or 7. I agree, but it is hard to wait. Just curious, for parents who have ADHD kids, do you tell people what your kid's diagnosis is to explain their behavior? Or say nothing? |
Anonymous
| ^^ most people know. My kids ADHD is not subtle. I don't go around explaining him. Plenty of adults are rude as can be on my experience and they don't explain to me that they are narcissists who think they own the grocery store aisle for example. But I watch my kid closely and I don't put him in situations I know he can't handle without close guidance. It's forced me to be a total helicopter mom which I loathe. |
Anonymous
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I tell people if I have a relationship with them. But if I don't know them there's no need.
I certainly tell teachers (who of course have the IEP), as well as aftercare staff. |
Anonymous
No one thinks my kid has ASD or ADHD both of which he has so I say nothing. Generally, people have a very stereotypical view of how these diagnosis "look like". |
Anonymous
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Very typical ADHD behavior. you need to work with the school on modifying the environment--e.g., always put her in the end of a line or at the carpet so she has more space; have visible demarcations of space on the carpet (e.g. Likes squares on carpet). This stuff should be elementary to a decent preschool teacher but sadly it is not.
And then work on all the usual parenting stuff--natural consequences, alternative coping mechanisms, etc. but you need to expect it to be a long haul so the Environmental modifications are key. |
Anonymous
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What worked for us was a bright line rule of no touching other kids. The idea of being allowed to touch for hugging would never have worked because that allows for a judgment call by the kid. I have boys who like to wrestle and play rough so this was a little hard on them but it worked and it was necessary because any sort of violence leads to punishment and suspension starting in early elementary school.
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Anonymous
Absolutely not. My son has ADHD. At 4 he was still hitting and could not verbalize his frustrations or when people were invading his space. I never told people that he had ADHD since I never wanted it to seem as if I was making excuses for his behavior. |
Anonymous
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Dear OP -
Does your child have an IEP with behavior modification goals? Point being, the school needs to recognize your child's difficulty with this type of behavior as a symptom of her ADHD so they can proactively try to teach coping skills to your child. Some educators may not know that your child is reacting to overstimulation and is having difficulty with verbalizing her needs, therefore, the hitting is her impulsivity to resolving her anxiety in the moment. It's easy to blame a kid and cast a label as her being a "bad kid" and not appropriately address what the underlying causes are. |
Anonymous
Sharing the diagnosis with the teacher is not making excuses for the behavior. Giving the teacher information on why the behavior is happening can help the teacher come up with solutions to proactively help your child. For example, work with your child on coping skills (take deep breaths and count to 10, walk away to separate when anxiety begins, put your child in the front of the line to minimize her being surrounded by others, practice verbalizing when she needs space, etc.). |