Possible sexual coercion, WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Tim is 11 and a year younger than Drew. They are friends, but only because they take the same extracurricular once a week. Tim's mom drops him off at the Drew household every week for an hour before the activity starts. The parents are friendlier with one another - Tim and Drew don't have a lot in common, and one year/one grade level can mean a lot at that age.

Tim confided in his parents that there is experimentation going on at these drop-offs, they are of a sexual nature (looking and touching, no sex) and Tim feels he can't say no to them. WWYD? I strongly disagree with getting the system involved. I think the boys should be separated and possibly get private individual counseling. I think social workers, school councelors, and possibly police will add to Tim's shame, not his relief. No, I am not a member of Drew's family, so that is not my bias here. My bias has to do with sexual experimentation of my own at an early age, and the sinking horror if an adult outside my family tried to talk about it with me. I admit to being a bit of a dinosaur when it comes to parenting, but what good can come from blowing up two kids' lives for this? Oh, and this is a small town - the kind where the chief of police is married to the school secretary and everyone knows everyone's business. Physicians and therapists may keep confidentiality, but the school psychologist and guidance counselors may as well start a blog where they name names. No one in this situation has enough money to take anyone to court; these are working-class people.

[Anonymous]

very normal experimentation and no need for counselling related to the experimentation.

Tim needs an adult to teach him how to say no and how to get himself out of situations he doesn't want to be in.

Drew may need some coaching on making sure the other person wants to do something before doing anything.

Curiosity about the naked body in pre teens is developmentally normal.

[Anonymous]

Since this didn't happen during school or on school property, and there was no sex involved, the school or police aren't going to do anything about this. It's naive of you to even consider calling authorities over this.

At the very least, though, stop taking Tim to this other boy's house. It isn't going well for him and he obviously doesn't want to be there. You should mention to the older boy's parents that he's not behaving himself so they can correct his behavior and know he has a history of sexual experimentation.

[Anonymous]

guy here.

typical activity. Not saying it is appropriate, but not a big deal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:guy here.

typical activity. Not saying it is appropriate, but not a big deal

But since one of the two is an unwilling participant, that makes it a bigger deal, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:guy here.

typical activity. Not saying it is appropriate, but not a big deal

But since one of the two is an unwilling participant, that makes it a bigger deal, right?

Not really. Tell the bossy kid's parents what he's doing so they can deal with it. Praise the shy kid for telling an adult about the problem so he can be removed from this uncomfortable situation. Are you not going to be happy until a 12 year old is hauled off in handcuffs and kicked out of school? The school has no control or authority over things that did not happen at school and the police will not have enough evidence to prove assault.

Once again, make sure your praise the child for coming forward about it before the problem got worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:guy here.

typical activity. Not saying it is appropriate, but not a big deal

But since one of the two is an unwilling participant, that makes it a bigger deal, right?

What is it that you want here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:guy here.

typical activity. Not saying it is appropriate, but not a big deal

But since one of the two is an unwilling participant, that makes it a bigger deal, right?

Not really. Tell the bossy kid's parents what he's doing so they can deal with it. Praise the shy kid for telling an adult about the problem so he can be removed from this uncomfortable situation. Are you not going to be happy until a 12 year old is hauled off in handcuffs and kicked out of school? The school has no control or authority over things that did not happen at school and the police will not have enough evidence to prove assault.

Once again, make sure your praise the child for coming forward about it before the problem got worse.

+1. And this is common. I don't necessarily see this as evidence that Drew has been molested or anything (is that what you're implying?!). I was never molested. Kids are just naturally curious. I was 9.

Tim needs to learn to say no and have boundaries. And Tim and Drew should be separated, parents told. Drew's parents are obviously not providing enough supervision.

[Anonymous]

CPS should be called. They will make sure there is nothing illegal going on. It is not illegal for this to happen, because neither are at the age of consent.

What CPS would really be investigating is if the 12 year old was sexually molested and if he learned the coercion somewhere.

CPS is not the police, they are trained to deal with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:CPS should be called. They will make sure there is nothing illegal going on. It is not illegal for this to happen, because neither are at the age of consent.

What CPS would really be investigating is if the 12 year old was sexually molested and if he learned the coercion somewhere.

CPS is not the police, they are trained to deal with this.

Are there any single reason why parents cannot deal with this and government need to be involved?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:CPS should be called. They will make sure there is nothing illegal going on. It is not illegal for this to happen, because neither are at the age of consent.

What CPS would really be investigating is if the 12 year old was sexually molested and if he learned the coercion somewhere.

CPS is not the police, they are trained to deal with this.

Are there any single reason why parents cannot deal with this and government need to be involved?

Yes. If the older boy is being molested it could be by a parent.

Not saying I agree that CPS has to be called, but it is naive to dismissively say that the parents can handle it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:guy here.

typical activity. Not saying it is appropriate, but not a big deal

Uh, say what now? I'm a guy and I never did that, nor did I ever hear of anyone doing that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:CPS should be called. They will make sure there is nothing illegal going on. It is not illegal for this to happen, because neither are at the age of consent.

What CPS would really be investigating is if the 12 year old was sexually molested and if he learned the coercion somewhere.

CPS is not the police, they are trained to deal with this.

Are there any single reason why parents cannot deal with this and government need to be involved?

Yes. If Drew's parents molested him (and maybe are still doing so), then telling the parents will not stop the molestation and Drew will continue to suffer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:guy here.

typical activity. Not saying it is appropriate, but not a big deal

But since one of the two is an unwilling participant, that makes it a bigger deal, right?

One of the boys feeling peer pressure or feeling that he can't say know is different from "unwilling participant."

[Anonymous]

I'm confused. What is going on?!?! Who is touching who?