Difference in treatment between sons and daughters
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Anonymous
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I married a great son. (He's the oldest in his family with two sisters. He's very helpful, for instance takes off work to move grandparents, and I know his parents are proud of him. He is definitely the favorite child if that makes any difference. We live closer to his parents than his sisters (we're 2 hours away) and I've tried so hard to be a good DIL even though we have little in common. They get exactly 50% of the holidays and always have nice presents. I make sure my dh calls them weekly.)
But it's not the same. We have children and my inlaws will frequently say that they can't wait for their daughters to have children so they can retire and help them (both sisters don't want kids). They didn't even come stay after our children's births, let alone help us and I specifically invited them. His sister is getting married and his parents were overjoyed to pay for the whole thing, but dh and I paid for and planned our own wedding. MIL is planning everything related to her wedding: huge brunch day after, large shower, everything. SIL is wearing her veil that I had asked to wear, but she couldn't find it then. I am just so jealous of the way his parents treat his sisters. I try and try, but they're never as close to us even though dh is the favorite. Is this just how it is? Is this why sons aren't as close to their families as daughters? Do parents just cling to daughters and their families and ignore son's? |
Anonymous
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he's not the favorite.
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Anonymous
| This is so weird. Why are you insisting that your husband is the favorite child? |
Anonymous
OP here. So that people won't say they are closer to his sisters because of a personality thing. They are closer just because they're daughters. |
Anonymous
+1. The dependable, steadfast ones are rarely actually the favorite, in fact it's often the opposite. I often wonder if the constant efforts to help out the family and be there for them by non-favorites are an attempt to become the favorite or counteract the constant favoring of one of the other siblings. In my own family, my oldest sister (and her husband) is by far the one that has done the most for my parents but my mother doesn't even really seem to like her. My middle sister is the biggest taker, my parents adore her and she has always been the favorite. I live far away and stay the hell out of it. |
Anonymous
But he's clearly not the favorite. |
Anonymous
OP here. He actually is. We just spent a weekend with them. He just has a lot more in common with his parents personality wise and is much closer to his parents. |
Anonymous
| Ok. Whatever, OP. Stop complaining. |
Anonymous
+2. I thought this thread was going to be the exact opposite of what it is. My brother is far and away the favorite whereas I, the dependable, steadfast daughter one am not. As far as paying for the sister's wedding, isn't it tradition that the bride's family pays for the wedding? I know it's not often followed these days, but that's the tradition, right? |
Anonymous
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You need to accept that a mom might feel closer to her daughters when it comes to getting ready for their wedding or taking care of the kids. I've seen that "difference" in many families.
Let it go and you'll feel much better. |
Anonymous
THIS. Plus I honestly don't get why you're complaining that you didn't get to wear your mother-in-law's veil. That's really odd. |
Anonymous
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It seems like you're jealous that your mil isn't close with YOU.
Like pp said, it's not traditional for the groom's parents to pay for weddings. And would you really want her to plan your wedding? That's not typical either. As for your mil's Veil, I think it's 100% fine for her to want to keep it for her daughters. Telling you she lost it was a kind way to let you down. She was probably surprised and perplexed that you asked her for it. BTW, can you explain how you came to ask her for the veil? Why? Are you from the United States? |
Anonymous
| Sounds like they're just very traditional when it comes to family roles and relationships. There's some old saying that my mom would quote all the time - a son is a son till he takes a new bride, but a daughter's a daughter the rest off her life. Bizarre if you ask me, but apparently a common way to think for older generations. Your ILs probably saw the same dynamic play out with their families, etc. |
Anonymous
This, to some extent. My MIL is like this, but she wishes it was different. Except she is the problem, not me. She resents that she's not as close with our kids as with her own daughters kid, but the situations are just SO wildly different it's not a fair comparison. SIL was single and had a surprise pregnancy and lived with her parents for 5 years after her child was born. So OF COURSE my MIL is closer to them both than to my DH and our kids. Instead of just realizing this is ok, she blames ME for her not being close to my DH and our own kids. It's irritating. |
Anonymous
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It sounds like you want to be treated the same as DH's sisters, and that's not going to happen. Regardless of whether DH is the favorite, you are the in-law. Why would you expect to be able to wear your MIL's veil at your wedding?
And traditionally, parents pay for a daughter's wedding but not the son's. I'm not saying it's right or makes sense these days, but it sounds like your in-laws are more traditional in that sense. |