School for child who is selectively highly motivated

[Anonymous]

DS is only in K but we can already see that school is going to pose challengers for him.

He is:
-- highly motivated and works hard at things that particularly interest him.
-- not at all interested in things that' are not interesting him.
-- not motivated to be interested just because other parents or kids are trying to involve him in something.
-- doesn't focus well when asked to do something that he didn't pick himself.
-- a perfectionist and doesn't want to try things until he knows he can succeed.

We are struggling to decide what type of school environment (Montessori? Waldorf? Small classes?) will work for him. He is smart but will likely have attentions issues at his current pace of adaptation. He needs to learn to be more flexible and do what is asked of him. But if we stick him in a traditional public school, I really wonder if they will have the patience to deal with him. It could be totally miserable for all.

Has anyone had success with a particular educational approach with this type of child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS is only in K but we can already see that school is going to pose challengers for him.

He is:
-- highly motivated and works hard at things that particularly interest him.
-- not at all interested in things that' are not interesting him.
-- not motivated to be interested just because other parents or kids are trying to involve him in something.
-- doesn't focus well when asked to do something that he didn't pick himself.
-- a perfectionist and doesn't want to try things until he knows he can succeed.

We are struggling to decide what type of school environment (Montessori? Waldorf? Small classes?) will work for him. He is smart but will likely have attentions issues at his current pace of adaptation. He needs to learn to be more flexible and do what is asked of him. But if we stick him in a traditional public school, I really wonder if they will have the patience to deal with him. It could be totally miserable for all.

Has anyone had success with a particular educational approach with this type of child?

Clearly, you want the school to adapt to him. Only place you will find this is at home. Homeschool.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like my son who is now in 4th grade. And he sounds like several other boys we know. We have been in both public and private schools, small classes and large ones and I can tell you its really down to the individual teacher and how good and in part, how inspiring they are.

You can put him anywhere in the greater DC area and he will ultimately thrive because he is a bright kid.

[Anonymous]

I don't think a school exists for such a special, special snowflake. Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

Choose a school that is project based and hands on.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but your DC just sounds like a brat. Life isn't about only doing the things you like and enjoy. Time to learn how to tolerate boredom. It's in his future.

[Anonymous]

inattentive ADD

[Anonymous]

These are tendencies to be overcome, not accommodated.

[Anonymous]

Is your child SN? This sounds a lot like my DS who is incredibly bright, but only motivated by subjects that interest him. To him, everything else is boring and not worth his time or effort.

It's a real struggle. We are working to build flexibility and tolerance for non-preferred activities, but rigidity is a hallmark of autism.

If you haven't already, you should consider having your child evaluated for a disability. Then you'll know if you're dealing with run-of-the-mill stubbornness or a disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think a school exists for such a special, special snowflake. Sorry, OP.

Have you never had the experience where another parent judged you because they didn't get the particular challenges you face in parenting your kid with their quirks and tendencies? Did you not think "this is not me, this is just what I am dealing with"?

I hope your child was a tantrumming mess and embarrassed you in public every time you went out to a restaurant when they were little. The smiling parent with the angelic child with good manners at the next table was me. I don't understand why your child was so out of control.

And I am OP. Thanks for being an ass and proving how DCUM is not a good place to go for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like my son who is now in 4th grade. And he sounds like several other boys we know. We have been in both public and private schools, small classes and large ones and I can tell you its really down to the individual teacher and how good and in part, how inspiring they are.

You can put him anywhere in the greater DC area and he will ultimately thrive because he is a bright kid.

Thanks, this is really helpful. So perhaps I should just assume that there will be good years and bad years and not worry too much about the school. I do think that he is a bright kid. And I agree that he needs to adapt and learn to deal with boredom. Just wonder if in the process of doing so he may learn to hate school and learning....or make teachers very, very angry at him such that he hates school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your child SN? This sounds a lot like my DS who is incredibly bright, but only motivated by subjects that interest him. To him, everything else is boring and not worth his time or effort.

It's a real struggle. We are working to build flexibility and tolerance for non-preferred activities, but rigidity is a hallmark of autism.

If you haven't already, you should consider having your child evaluated for a disability. Then you'll know if you're dealing with run-of-the-mill stubbornness or a disability.

Yes, he may be SN. But he is highly, highly sensitive to emotions and social dynamics. So I think it is more likely to be inattentive ADD than autism. But I have this tendency as well and I excelled, albeit in a small private school that is now beyond the pale expensive. I never received a diagnosis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:inattentive ADD

+1 OP your comments about learning to hate school and learning, or making teachers very angry at him would line up with this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like my son who is now in 4th grade. And he sounds like several other boys we know. We have been in both public and private schools, small classes and large ones and I can tell you its really down to the individual teacher and how good and in part, how inspiring they are.

You can put him anywhere in the greater DC area and he will ultimately thrive because he is a bright kid.

Thanks, this is really helpful. So perhaps I should just assume that there will be good years and bad years and not worry too much about the school. I do think that he is a bright kid. And I agree that he needs to adapt and learn to deal with boredom. Just wonder if in the process of doing so he may learn to hate school and learning....or make teachers very, very angry at him such that he hates school.

Yes (poster you are quoting is me) I agree for the most part in that you have to see what happens. I am like this too, its a temperamental issue sign of a strong personality. There is nothing rigid about it or SN. Though if you think that may be informing your child's behavior too, dont let me dissuade you from the testing which others suggest. I also believe generally its hard for bright little boys to tolerate some of the deeply mundane aspects of the lower ES years. But by end of 2nd start of 3rd grade things really picked up for us a lot. And report the posters who are assholes. Jeff the moderator will likely delete them. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP, you are describing some characteristics of a highly gifted child.

An early posted was being snarky, but yes, home school is often the best option for these kids.