The Mommy Track

[Anonymous]

I have a four and a half month old at home and was just told I wouldn't be attending a meeting I have gone to every year for the last half a decade. My boss assumed I wouldn't want to go because of the baby. How do I signal that just because I have a baby at home that it doesn't mean that I can't or do not want to continue to travel?

I love my job, but I will be unhappy here if these responsibilities are taken from me.

[Anonymous]

"Hey boss. Just wanted to let you know that I'd still be interested in going on that trip to the annual meeting. I'd actually be interested in doing all the travel I did pre-Larla. Childcare is covered."

[Anonymous]

"I wish you'd asked me first. I would like to continue attending that meeting and resume my regular travel schedule because I really enjoy that part of the job/have made some great contacts in the past/etc."

[Anonymous]

I'd go with direct and polite, not a signal, especially if you thought it was a genuine attempt to anticipate and accommodate your needs. "I appreciate the thought, Bob, but I would like to attend these meetings and I don't anticipate family obligations getting in the way. Can I plan on attending the Kalamazoo meeting for our organization in August?"
Or at least ask for something specific directly.

[Anonymous]

What did you say when you were told you wouldn't be going to the meeting?

[Anonymous]

I wasn't expecting to be told that I wasn't going, so I deflected. I just told Boss that I needed to know so I could arrange some help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd go with direct and polite, not a signal, especially if you thought it was a genuine attempt to anticipate and accommodate your needs. "I appreciate the thought, Bob, but I would like to attend these meetings and I don't anticipate family obligations getting in the way. Can I plan on attending the Kalamazoo meeting for our organization in August?"
Or at least ask for something specific directly.

+1. Direct and polite is the way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd go with direct and polite, not a signal, especially if you thought it was a genuine attempt to anticipate and accommodate your needs. "I appreciate the thought, Bob, but I would like to attend these meetings and I don't anticipate family obligations getting in the way. Can I plan on attending the Kalamazoo meeting for our organization in August?"
Or at least ask for something specific directly.

+1. Direct and polite is the way to go.

+2. I had to have a similar conversation with my boss when I was pregnant as she was taking responsibilities away from me in anticipation of me having a kid. She thought I'd want to slow down, etc so I had to tell her I didn't want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd go with direct and polite, not a signal, especially if you thought it was a genuine attempt to anticipate and accommodate your needs. "I appreciate the thought, Bob, but I would like to attend these meetings and I don't anticipate family obligations getting in the way. Can I plan on attending the Kalamazoo meeting for our organization in August?"
Or at least ask for something specific directly.

+1. Direct and polite is the way to go.

+2. I had to have a similar conversation with my boss when I was pregnant as she was taking responsibilities away from me in anticipation of me having a kid. She thought I'd want to slow down, etc so I had to tell her I didn't want that.

I know this is what I need to do, but I thought Boss would have known. Before I left for maternity leave, I was on point. I was working 50 hours a week for a huge project, and everything went well. I'm sad that I have to say anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd go with direct and polite, not a signal, especially if you thought it was a genuine attempt to anticipate and accommodate your needs. "I appreciate the thought, Bob, but I would like to attend these meetings and I don't anticipate family obligations getting in the way. Can I plan on attending the Kalamazoo meeting for our organization in August?"
Or at least ask for something specific directly.

+1. Direct and polite is the way to go.

+2. I had to have a similar conversation with my boss when I was pregnant as she was taking responsibilities away from me in anticipation of me having a kid. She thought I'd want to slow down, etc so I had to tell her I didn't want that.

I know this is what I need to do, but I thought Boss would have known. Before I left for maternity leave, I was on point. I was working 50 hours a week for a huge project, and everything went well. I'm sad that I have to say anything.

Well, you have to say it. Go see Hidden Figures. Those ladies succeeded only because they asked and took!

[Anonymous]

Just some male feedback.

Be straightforward tell your boss you're disappointed and had hoped to go. Tell your boss you'd appreciate if arrangements can be altered so you can attend as past practice.

Don't signal. Don't get mad or upset. Just shoot straight.

[Anonymous]

Thanks. I think the ship has sailed for this year, but I need to let Boss know that I feel my responsibilities have diminished since I returned.

Part of the problem is that I had to shift my hours for daycare purposes. It's not good for me at work, because I leave an hour before the other high performers, and it's not good at home because the baby goes to sleep within an hour of getting home. I can't win in either arena.

[Anonymous]

Welcome to motherhood, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I think the ship has sailed for this year, but I need to let Boss know that I feel my responsibilities have diminished since I returned.

Part of the problem is that I had to shift my hours for daycare purposes. It's not good for me at work, because I leave an hour before the other high performers, and it's not good at home because the baby goes to sleep within an hour of getting home. I can't win in either arena.

I think if you want to not be mommy tracked you bed a nanny and have your hours match your competition. Now is baby going to bed at 7 and you leaving work at 5 with an hour commute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I think the ship has sailed for this year, but I need to let Boss know that I feel my responsibilities have diminished since I returned.

Part of the problem is that I had to shift my hours for daycare purposes. It's not good for me at work, because I leave an hour before the other high performers, and it's not good at home because the baby goes to sleep within an hour of getting home. I can't win in either arena.

No. The ship has not sailed. THAT ship has sailed. Get on another boat. Find a new complimentary conference and tell your boss that is the one you will be attending. You don't want to be a jerk, but don't ask. Be affirmative and treat it as a fait accompli. Because this keeps you sharp and in the loop in anticipation of next year when boss need not predict your needs and adds value because you'll be bringing something new to the office and next year's event. Since you're treating it as a done deal in a nice way, there's no invitation for "no".

As for the change in hours, part of the problem is how you view it. If you can figure out a way to openly treat it as an asset, everyone else will too. People are lazy. They like to do what they're told. They just don't like being told what to do. Figure out a way to oblige them.