is your child's school a far commute?

[Anonymous]

we are in a situation where we have the option of sending our child to a school we think is good that is w/i about 10-15 min of our home vs a school we think is GREAT that is around 40 min (with traffic). in theory of course we don't mind driving back and forth on a daily basis, but when it comes right down to it.... for those parents/children who do have this long commute to school, are we kidding ourselves in terms of how much we will be frustrated by this daily drive? do the kids hate it, do you want to pull out your hair each day, are you sorry you made the decision? we are trying to be realistic here. we each are close to work and so we walk from home, we are not used to commuting for work, either. but i remember as a kid forgetting stuff at school and b/c we lived so close it wasn't a big deal to go back - but i bet i would mind if i had to drive that 40 min back and forth to get that homework she forgot for that night. i don't want to sound like a bad parent, i am just trying to be realistic about how much stress the commute would put on us/child or if everyone just gets used to it eventually...

[Anonymous]

Here's the questions I asked myself when faced with the same choice:

How will I feel if my child's best friend lives 40 minutes in the other direction? Will I get off my butt and make those play dates?

Will this school choice affect my ability to put down roots in this community - the one we just moved to and don't have many friends in?

I decided that the 40 minutes was asking for trouble. It was a tough choice because we liked the far school. There are experiences we gave up when we picked the local one, but there are other experiences my child gained.

You are not a bad parent for thinking of this - quite the contrary. 40 minutes is a HUGE amount of time for a busy household.

[Anonymous]

I decided that the 40 minutes was asking for trouble. It was a tough choice because we liked the far school. There are experiences we gave up when we picked the local one, but there are other experiences my child gained.

What experiences do you feel you have given up by picking the local one and what experiences did you gain by choosing the local one??????

[Anonymous]

i can see being tempted by a great school but 40 minutes is alot of time in the morning...i can barely make it out the door to get my toddler to school 5 minutes from here. never really thought about the morning routine until faced with it. only you know whether the trade-off is worth it, but i do think you need to be realistic about a commute like that since it's on a daily basis and it impacts your quality of life. i also know my child would fall asleep in the car on the way home and be a pain in the neck once we got home...not sure that's an issue on your end.

[Anonymous]

PP here:

What we gave up - basically, we REALLY liked the parochial school 40 minutes away. It was a good fit for us academically and religiously. It was small and nurturing.

What we got - my child has tons of local friends. Playdates are easy to arrange, and can be arranged last minute. Our social life increasingly revolves around families we met through the neighborhood school. Because everything is local, we adults can participate more in running and planning school events. I'm quite sure the other school is filled with lovely families, but it is unlikely we'd have become as integrated with them because of distance. Mind you, we chose our neighborhood carefully. It is filled with people like us. So, it isn't just the commute, but the commitment to a very local life. I hope that makes some sense.

[Anonymous]

How old is your child? When my younger one was in preschool we moved. I kept him in his prior preschool, which was only 20-25 minutes away from our new home, so that he could have stability. It took us only about a week to really hate it. We have since moved him to one that is 3 minutes from home, which he will stay in for aftercare through elementary school.

The things I hated were mainly logistics. Drop off and pick up are inconvenient. But, to compound the inconvenience is the fact that they occur at such bad times of the day. No one in our family is a morning person, so getting out of the house earlier than necessary was miserable. Then you are driving to school during high traffic times, which is completely an unpleasant way to start the day. On the way home, everyone is hungry and tired because its the end of the day. My car was constantly a mess from the snacks I would give my son, which snacks didn't necessarily prevent the hungry meltdowns. Then, while everyone is cranky, we were back in the bad traffic. So, it's not so much the time. It's the fact that we were all spending it being so miserable.

[Anonymous]

OP: in response to your question (18:06), DC will be starting K in the fall.... so this decision is an important one, we wouldn't want to start elementary school and then have to have a transition to a new school for 1st... too disruptive... which is why this is weighing on us, i think intellectually we know that if we choose the commute that it is going to be unpleasant at best (if not horrific most of the time) w/ the DC traffic and being tired and cranky (I'm talking about me here, not even necessarily the child!)... but of course the scales tip half the time when we think about the school that seems a better fit, similar to what PP 15:19 was saying...

so far the message seems to be clear from the limited # of folks who have responded... let's see if anyone posts saying that they are fine w/ the commute! (and, no... moving isn't an option for us, at least for the foreseeable future)

[Anonymous]

15:29 here -

We have no regrets. None at all. I can't even imagine what my life would be like with a commute for the kid added in. Yeah, there are some great opportunities (small school etc) that he won't have, but that's just the way life is.

As for having to transition: Yes, transferring isn't optimal, but every year is different. What works one year, won't work for the next. Even though transferring isn't great, staying in the wrong school is worse. If my son stopped thriving socially and academically at his local public school, we'd reevaluate our decision and probably switch him.

[Anonymous]

Thinking back to my childhood, a 40-minute drive was a big deal. We did a 40-minute drive (each way) every weekend, and I can't imagine having done it every day for school.

As a parent, I'm thinking the logistics are even worse--because the parent dropping off then also has to get to work, right? What kind of schedule would it be?

e.g., for 8:30 start:

7:45-8:25: everyone leave house and drive to school
8:25-8:35: drop off
8:35-9:15: drive to work

Would it be something like this? And then what time would everyone be getting home?

[Anonymous]

I know several families that travel from Prince Georges County MD to Upper NW and Georgetown each morning to take their children to school and none of them seem bothered. The kids usually go to sleep in the car and when they wake they are at school. I think it is a personal decision one you and your family have to make. These particular families feel that the travel time in is not an issue; because the education their children is receiving is worth it. I also think many of the these children have made a network of friends in their neighborhood because they are involved in extra curriculars in their neighborhood. Many of these families work in the city so it is kind of on the way.

This summer we traveled to DC each morning to take DC to camp at one of the Big 3. DC had such a great time the ride for us was irrelevant because he was happy. This is how our scheduled worked, 7:45 - leave for camp, 8:20 - 8:35 arrive at camp, 3:00 DC picked up from camp - usually went to sleep in car because their was no nap time at camp. 3:45 arrive home and spend time together.

Maybe helpful

[Anonymous]

Are there carpools available so that you can team up with other children in your area sending their children to the same school

[Anonymous]

I know two families that called it quits after a few years of long commutes.

[Anonymous]

As a child, I personally commuted 40+ minutes every day, 2x a day, to the "best" private high school in my city. After years of attending my local, fine enough public schools, I can attest that it was light years better.

But anyway, I can still clearly remember 25 years later how much that commute sucked, how early I had to get up to do it, how I felt far away from The Community and so forth. And I missed my local friends.

For this and other reasons, I begged my parents to let me switch back to the local school after 2 years and they agreed.

[Anonymous]

This might seem arbitrary, but my cutoff would be 25-30 minutes, tops. More than that is just too much, IMO.

[Anonymous]

I commute my 3 and 4.5 yr olds to a wonderful school 40-mins away. I can't stand it. I only do it because the school is fabulous and it's only until first grade, then the kids will go to the local elementary school. We have to get up early, I have to lug coats, lunch boxes, etc. One time my son threw up in the car 20-mintues into the drive in traffic. If a child is sick we all stay home, can't ask a neighbor to watch the sick kid for an hour and a half -- too long. It's a pain to stay for any afterschool activity because the ride home will be through dinner time. The school has 6pm activities/dinners/PTA meetings. I get home after 9pm. So....