Celibacy for life?
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Anonymous
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I am 55 and DH is 57. He has had a series of heart attacks that basically make it impossible for him to have sex.
Before the heart attacks, the marriage was not great since i suffered from several miscarriages and one SID experience, rendering me emotionally distant. I have two kids, but it was a rocky road to get here. DH was not supportive at all during those years. By about my mid forties, our sex life essentially disappeared but he was never very good at it anyway. Like he got me aroused once. I mean once. He is selfish. Anyway, I think about my life going forward and feel that it was no different than a nun. I have never enjoyed sex. As I look at my life I think that I could hold on here and wait for something magical to happen, or I could leave. What holds me back is my single friends in their 50s who are really lonely. I am pessimistic about meeting anyone again. This is a frustrating place to be. I feel like life is over, and mostly wasted. Other than my kids, I have nothing to look forward to. I have experienced no affection in 25 years. |
Anonymous
| Could you go to couples counseling to improve emotional affection and enjoy spending time together, and then maybe things might spice up as your relationship improves? You can always try self-pleasure. I've always pictured the later years as not being very sexual anyhow- more about friendship and not being alone. Maybe you can work on things. |
Anonymous
| Sister it is time to throw the towel in. 25 years is too damn long. |
Anonymous
| Well, whether you divorce him or not, you're still lonely. At least once divorced, you'll have a chance to find someone to ease your loneliness. If you stay, the chance is 0. |
Anonymous
| So... his heart attacks broke his tongue? |
Anonymous
| With several miscarriages and an SID experience you have been through a lot. Have you sought professional help? Your personal challenges have likely affected your marriage. |
Anonymous
| The single women I know whether from divorce or never parried, get monthly or weekly massages (not the happy ending kind). That seems to help the need to be touched. Perhaps that would help you regardless of your decision. |
Anonymous
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The reasons your lonely friends divorced may be different from yours.
I used to work with a woman who was in her mid-50s. She was miserable with her husband. He was emotionally unavailable, didn't lift a finger to do anything around the house, was an all-around miserable guy, but she had no intention of leaving him. Then, he met someone and left her. I have never seen anyone as ticked off as she was going through the divorce, but when it was over she was happier than I'd ever seen her. You know how your life is going to be if you stay with dh. If your kids are grown and custody is not an issue, move on and be happy. You deserve it. |
Anonymous
| Regarding sex; you said you never enjoyed it. Either something traumatic happened, it's religious/cultural or it could be physical, possibly low thyroid function or other hormonal dysregulation. Whether or not you stay with your husband, if your sexual issues stem from emotional issues, get some therapy. If you know the problem isnt emotional, see your doctor. You're not over the hill. You're in the prime of your life but for whatever reasons, there's an emotional and/or physical issue. I'm married to a woman whose been telling me for years that she didn't like sex and could live without it. I stayed because I was a shmuck and thought I could help her deal with all her problems. Now, sadly, I know I should've run. Please, be good to yourself. You have a lot of living, yet, to do. |
Invictus
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| I posted the last comments. Again, don't close the door on that part of your life. I miss physical intimacy but from all the trauma in our marriage, I've developed Complex-PTSD and I've yet to find a doctor or therapist to help me heal. Mostly, I just feel like leaving. |
Anonymous
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OP, you sound lonely already.
At least if you are on your own, you are on your own. You will be free to find your own happiness. |
Anonymous
For many women, sex with any random person will not cause arousal. Many women need to first like and trust the individual. I suspect that many men can enjoy sex against any moist surface. When a woman says she does not enjoy sex it is not necessarily about her, but rather her feelings about her partner. |
Anonymous
Just ask the numerous husbands who are having starfish sex with their wives if they enjoyed it. Answer is no, it is not satisfying. Marginally better than masturbating, but nothing compared to sex with a woman who is into it and actively participating. |
Anonymous
The men almost always reach orgasm. Women won't do that if they aren't comfortable with the partner. Yes a generalization, but a fairly accurate one. |
Anonymous
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You wait until your post menopausal and your husband has had serious health issues to bemoan your lack of sex life?
Op, is it possible that you and your husband have always been low drive people to begin with? If you didn't really desire sex when you were young, healthy and hormonal...I don't know that it is realistic to expect a big change now. Perhaps marital counseling to work on your companionship/compatibility issues? |