Teenagers dating and being in constant contact
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Anonymous
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This is one of those "in my day!" posts but I'm looking for other words of wisdom. Growing up, my parents were strict. I wasn't allowed to date until I was 16, wasn't allowed to talk on the phone (to boys or other friends) for longer than 30 minutes and I also wasn't allowed to have the phone in my room (this was obviously before cell phones in late 90's/early 2000's). When I did start dating, boys were not allowed in my room and we were never to be home alone. My HS boyfriend didn't even go to my school so I only talked to him for 30 minutes a day (if we even talked daily - he and I both were very active with sports, jobs, school, etc) and got to see him very occasionally on the week nights and then on Fridays and Saturdays. I was a great kid, never got into trouble, didn't lose my virginity until I was 21, didn't drink until college, etc etc. Looking back, I like these rules, these rules make sense because teenagers don't always make smart decisions. My parents and I now have a wonderful relationship for what it's worth.
Fast forward and I now have a 14YO step-DS (DH obviously didn't have the rules I did or else he hopefully wouldn't have had a kid at 18 years old but that's beside the point). I know full well that all kids are different but step-DS now has a boyfriend and it's really worrying me that kids are in CONSTANT contact with one another these days. She is glued to her phone: FaceTime, SnapChat, Facebook, texting, etc etc all hours of the day and night. Don't kids need a break from one another? Doesn't this constant contact heighten emotions (FaceTiming with your boyfriend while you're in bed feels entirely too intimate to me at 13/14/15/16/17/18... years old) and spell trouble? What the heck do you even talk about for 16 hours a day?! I just don't get it... I'm not looking for advice. Her mother lets her "date" and lets her do this at her house and her father doesn't seem to care so I stay out of it. I'm just curious as to how others feel about it. |
Anonymous
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There are a lot of times my kids have to put away their phones. At dinner. When talking with me. When friends are over. While doing activities (no taking your phone onto the field).
So they DO get breaks from their phones. BTW, I grew up with a phone in my bedroom. No big deal. |
Anonymous
| Do you have a step son or a step daughter? You keep writing DS (which is a son) but they you use the word "her." I'm confused. Is this even a real situation or some make believe story? |
Anonymous
You have no kids and no clue. |
Anonymous
| I don't have advice, and you don't want it. But many of my daughter's friends and my daughter are not permitted to sleep with their phones in their rooms. The phone gets plugged in at a set time each night in the kitchen and stays there until the morning. Too tempting to stay up late. |
Anonymous
Yes, I would like this clarified as well, then I'll respond. |
Anonymous
| Well, my kid's phone is checked in to me each evening at a specific time. For a time, she had trouble managing the phone and homework so I held the phone during homework. She matured and is able listen to music and not get sucked in to group texting or social media. If there is something big going on and her friends are more active on any given day, she now brings me the phone and asks me to keep it until after she is done with homework. We also limit the social media that she is allowed and we monitor the social media she is permitted to use. |
Anonymous
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OP here, I meant step-DD. I do have a 5-YO son which is habit for me to type "DS" I suppose. Sorry for the confusion!
To the person who said I have no clue, I agree that maybe I'm a little out of touch, aside from having BEEN a teenage girl myself, and my son is still very young, but I'd love to know your opinion explained a bit more. DH and I are TTC now and so maybe I'm a little more on-edge than usual but it's just hard for me to wrap my head around teenagers today. I'm seriously scared for what it's going to be like in another 10 years when I'm there with my son (and potential new son/daughter). |
Anonymous
| Sounds like typical teenage behavior. Even minus the boyfriend she'd probably be glued to her phone/social media. I don't have rules about how much time you can spend texting or whatever with a boyfriend/girlfriend - my rules are with social media usage in general. |
Anonymous
| Agree that if it wasn't her bf, it'd be her bff-of-the-week. Would that bother you less? Either answer is okay, just something to think about. |