If you had strong apprehension about the school your child wanted to attend...

[Anonymous]

how did you resolve it? My DH and I think my DD's top choice is not a good fit for her. She applied out of the blue, was accepted and received generous merit aid. I am trying to be open minded but can't shake the feeling that it is all wrong for her. We are wondering how much to push her towards her to other schools. Please share any stipulations you had in choosing a school or how things worked out if you had a similar situation. TIA

[Anonymous]

She clearly thinks it is a good fit and she's the one going there. I would let her go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how did you resolve it? My DH and I think my DD's top choice is not a good fit for her. She applied out of the blue, was accepted and received generous merit aid. I am trying to be open minded but can't shake the feeling that it is all wrong for her. We are wondering how much to push her towards her to other schools. Please share any stipulations you had in choosing a school or how things worked out if you had a similar situation. TIA

how bad a fit is it? Any specifics you want to give?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She clearly thinks it is a good fit and she's the one going there. I would let her go.

Completely agree with this. I was only interested in women's colleges and my mom was hung up on Georgetown. Made me interview there. I had a great time at a women's college. My mother and I are different people, and while she thought that women's colleges were nerdy (she's a grown up mean girl), I had a blast there. This is probably more about you and your issues than about your child.

[Anonymous]

In what area is your apprehension?

Is it a religious school and she has never shown interest?

Is it a liberal school and your family is conservative (or the other way around)?

Is it far away?

Is it thought of as much easier than her crazy competitive HS?

Is it a huge school and her graduating class might be 100 students?

[Anonymous]

Your amount of involvement should be proportional to how much of the tab you're picking up. If you're paying for it all, you should have veto power. If your daughter is getting a full ride, let her go.

[Anonymous]

Unless you thought it was somehow unsafe or seriously detrimental to her mental or physical health, I can't imagine discouraging a kid's first choice school just because I didn't think it would be a good fit.

[Anonymous]

OP come back and elaborate on why, please. Without those details its kind of impossible to judge.

[Anonymous]

Have you explained your concerns with your daughter -- specifically said why you think it's a poor fit? Does she disagree with you about the facts (you think it's a small school, she thinks it's a big school) or does she disagree that it matters?

[Anonymous]

I had serious reservations. Great school -- just seemed like it wasn't a good choice given the things DC had resented about high school. So I laid out my qualms, DC had intelligent responses/explanations, I decided it was DC's life and not an irreversible decision, so choice was up to DC.

A year later, DC is happy with the choice. My qualms turned out to be well-founded, but not dealbreakers. I think that this is a decision where informed consent is generally the way to go. And probably sets a good precedent for parenting an adult. I get to be candid; you get to decide. (And I won't say I told you so.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had serious reservations. Great school -- just seemed like it wasn't a good choice given the things DC had resented about high school. So I laid out my qualms, DC had intelligent responses/explanations, I decided it was DC's life and not an irreversible decision, so choice was up to DC.

A year later, DC is happy with the choice. My qualms turned out to be well-founded, but not dealbreakers. I think that this is a decision where informed consent is generally the way to go. And probably sets a good precedent for parenting an adult. I get to be candid; you get to decide. (And I won't say I told you so.)

sorry, still utterly devoid of specifics so i can't take away much from it.
Like if DD or DS wanted to go to Penn State - the answer is No.
I did like W&L until I heard it was 82% greek - so no.
A few other examples, but can't think of too many I feel strongly enough about to say No. But on a case by case basis there are a few.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had serious reservations. Great school -- just seemed like it wasn't a good choice given the things DC had resented about high school. So I laid out my qualms, DC had intelligent responses/explanations, I decided it was DC's life and not an irreversible decision, so choice was up to DC.

A year later, DC is happy with the choice. My qualms turned out to be well-founded, but not dealbreakers. I think that this is a decision where informed consent is generally the way to go. And probably sets a good precedent for parenting an adult. I get to be candid; you get to decide. (And I won't say I told you so.)

sorry, still utterly devoid of specifics so i can't take away much from it.
Like if DD or DS wanted to go to Penn State - the answer is No.
I did like W&L until I heard it was 82% greek - so no.
A few other examples, but can't think of too many I feel strongly enough about to say No. But on a case by case basis there are a few.

Why would you rule out a school for someone else based on percentage greek?

I think the pp you quoted had a great approach.

[Anonymous]

I made a poor choice about where to attend school. My mother knew better but I refused to listen to her. It turned out that she was right. I ended up transferring after a horrible first year to a school that was a much better fit for me (and on my mother's original list for me, I might add). It turned out to be a good learning experience, as many mistakes do. It taught me a lot about myself so I don't view it as a wasted year or anything. And I think it was good that my mom let me make my own decision. We can't always snowplow the way for our kids, tempting as it may be.

[Anonymous]

I also made a poor choice. I followed my mom's advice on applying and went to a perfectly fine school but not fine for me. I ended up transferring after a great first year to a school that was a much better fit for me. (I started at the wrong school, but I had an active social life and got good grades). I didn't apply there the first time because the school was not coed when I originally applied (and I wasn't the right sex to be admitted).

[Anonymous]

My DS was accepted to 2 highly ranked SLACs. My DH and I placed one above the other. MY son wanted the other. The money was similiar so not a factor. We let him choose, mainly because HE was the one attending, going to class etc. My main thought was if HE made the choice, he would be happier. It worked out. He is now graduated and successfully launched in graduate school.My only advice would be to re-visit the preferred school. During this visit, speak to department heads, discuss majors, go to classes, and make a pro/con list. A re-visit to an accepted school is a very different experience.