If you had strong apprehension about the school your child wanted to attend...

[Anonymous]

I told my kids that if I am paying for school, which I did, then I have a say so. The better the grades they had and the more money they got, then the more influence they had. I used UMD as the baseline school. I would pay for any school that I thought was better academically. That left a lot of schools to choose from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For college, she should choose. She is an adult. My answer changes if the school is Liberty University or some for-profit school or similar.

They're only an adult if they've had a job, play sports, clubs, get mostly As and have at least a 90-percentile ACT/SAT. A polished senior is easily 3-5 years more mature than some immature teenage slacker.

As they say, good decisions come from experience. But experience comes from bad decisions. How can someone mature if she is never given the freedom to make her own decisions, including some bad ones?

She can make the $150,000 to $250,000 mistake on her dime and not mine. The stakes are too high to simply gain "experience."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I also made a poor choice. I followed my mom's advice on applying and went to a perfectly fine school but not fine for me. I ended up transferring after a great first year to a school that was a much better fit for me. (I started at the wrong school, but I had an active social life and got good grades). I didn't apply there the first time because the school was not coed when I originally applied (and I wasn't the right sex to be admitted).

We have a slight variation on this story. Our son was accepted early action at a very highly ranked school. DH and I thought it wouldn't be the right fit. We encouraged him to apply elsewhere, but he was excited about the acceptance and the prestige of the school, and, honestly, he just wanted the whole process to be done. Like the PP above, he had a good social life and got good grades, but decided after the first year to transfer. All's well that ends well -- his new school is a much better fit, both academically and socially, and he learned that if you start down the wrong path, it's not irrevocable. He also learned that USNWR is not infallible.

So we're 3 for 3 of making a choice, do what is needed to have some options, and then regroup. None of the three of us regret the experience.

[Anonymous]

Why does it feel "bad" OP?

Big party school? large impersonal campus? Recent school shootings or sex scandals? High crime area? Very homogeneous student body?

Depends on the reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does it feel "bad" OP?

Big party school? large impersonal campus? Recent school shootings or sex scandals? High crime area? Very homogeneous student body?

Depends on the reason.

OP here- It feels like a bad fit for a few reasons..it is a large state school when all the other schools DD looked at were small to mid-size liberal arts schools. DD is not a big party type and this school is known for great tailgating and a thriving greek life. It is an SEC school and we live right outside of Chicago. Traveling there will be less convenient than other schools she is considering. We will not be paying for a sorority so she will not be pledging. I don't think the networking will be as beneficial up here as it would if she were planning to live down south after graduation. Also, we are Catholic and really would like to see her at a Catholic college. I believe the culture will be pretty different than what she is used to and I would rather her not be looking for a new school if it can be avoided.

I was just wondering what type of parameters other parents set (if any) when their DC was looking at schools. We have been fairly specific in pointing out how the other schools she is looking at might be a better fit. She is revisiting her top three choices as an admitted student in the next few weeks so maybe she will come to that conclusion on her own. She is our oldest so this new to us.

[Anonymous]

As our kids started considering colleges, we set down the rule that they were going to make the choice.

We were going to talk, daily, for years, about all parts of the decision. If they were spending our money, we were going to understand why.

If they couldn't support their decision, day in and day out, it wasn't going to happen. Some decisions would be easy to support, others almost impossible.

If either wanted to go to school 3000 miles away at $75k schools to study theater, all they had to do was to be willing and able to do everything in their power to show they knew all sides of the decision.

We made it clear that to make what we considered a bad decision would take A LOT MORE WORK than making what we considered a good decision.

Of the 100s of kids our kids knew in HS, we knew of ONE who showed flashes of the all-in attitude that could have done enough to support the 3000/$75k/theater school.

We pointed him out to our kids and explained that he was half crazy. Incredibly dedicated to one set of things and incredibly lazy about everything else. This kid spent his life savings one summer to have a research experience before he turned 16 but regularly got Cs in PE.

Our kids picked middle of the road decisions. One picked a hard to support major at an in-state school. The other picked an "expensive" school (but not $75k expensive) but a major they had studied all through HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it feel "bad" OP?

Big party school? large impersonal campus? Recent school shootings or sex scandals? High crime area? Very homogeneous student body?

Depends on the reason.

OP here- It feels like a bad fit for a few reasons..it is a large state school when all the other schools DD looked at were small to mid-size liberal arts schools. DD is not a big party type and this school is known for great tailgating and a thriving greek life. It is an SEC school and we live right outside of Chicago. Traveling there will be less convenient than other schools she is considering. We will not be paying for a sorority so she will not be pledging. I don't think the networking will be as beneficial up here as it would if she were planning to live down south after graduation. Also, we are Catholic and really would like to see her at a Catholic college. I believe the culture will be pretty different than what she is used to and I would rather her not be looking for a new school if it can be avoided.

I was just wondering what type of parameters other parents set (if any) when their DC was looking at schools. We have been fairly specific in pointing out how the other schools she is looking at might be a better fit. She is revisiting her top three choices as an admitted student in the next few weeks so maybe she will come to that conclusion on her own. She is our oldest so this new to us.

One virtue of those big state schools is that there are all kinds of people there, not just the more immediately visible greek/tailgating kids. IMO, if she visits the top three and can clearly articulate why she wants the big state school experience, and it works financially, then let her go.

My kids are only in MS right now but they know their main constraint is cost. We can afford to pay for a VA public college (in-state). If they want to go elsewhere then they need to get merit aid to bring the cost in-line with in-state public cost, including transportation costs (DS's dream is to go to college in CA). We are not allowing them to take on debt for undergrad. Otherwise, I figure they are the best judge as to the college environment that appeals to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it feel "bad" OP?

Big party school? large impersonal campus? Recent school shootings or sex scandals? High crime area? Very homogeneous student body?

Depends on the reason.

OP here- It feels like a bad fit for a few reasons..it is a large state school when all the other schools DD looked at were small to mid-size liberal arts schools. DD is not a big party type and this school is known for great tailgating and a thriving greek life. It is an SEC school and we live right outside of Chicago. Traveling there will be less convenient than other schools she is considering. We will not be paying for a sorority so she will not be pledging. I don't think the networking will be as beneficial up here as it would if she were planning to live down south after graduation. Also, we are Catholic and really would like to see her at a Catholic college. I believe the culture will be pretty different than what she is used to and I would rather her not be looking for a new school if it can be avoided.

I was just wondering what type of parameters other parents set (if any) when their DC was looking at schools. We have been fairly specific in pointing out how the other schools she is looking at might be a better fit. She is revisiting her top three choices as an admitted student in the next few weeks so maybe she will come to that conclusion on her own. She is our oldest so this new to us.

Alabama, LSU, Ole Miss? I am much like your daughter (not a party girl, introvert, liberal artsy) but have spent time at all those schools and would have loved attending any of them. I would let her try it out. FWIW, I have friends from those schools and they are thoughtful, smart, well-educated and fun. none were in Greek stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had serious reservations. Great school -- just seemed like it wasn't a good choice given the things DC had resented about high school. So I laid out my qualms, DC had intelligent responses/explanations, I decided it was DC's life and not an irreversible decision, so choice was up to DC.

A year later, DC is happy with the choice. My qualms turned out to be well-founded, but not dealbreakers. I think that this is a decision where informed consent is generally the way to go. And probably sets a good precedent for parenting an adult. I get to be candid; you get to decide. (And I won't say I told you so.)

sorry, still utterly devoid of specifics so i can't take away much from it.
Like if DD or DS wanted to go to Penn State - the answer is No.
I did like W&L until I heard it was 82% greek - so no.
A few other examples, but can't think of too many I feel strongly enough about to say No. But on a case by case basis there are a few.

Why would you rule out a school for someone else based on percentage greek?

I think the pp you quoted had a great approach.

NP.

If a school is 82% Greek, my very social son will want to be Greek. I don't want my son to be Greek. I was in a sorority. Fraternities are a blight on campuses. They encourage binge drinking, drug use, date rate, and misogyny. I don't want my son involved in that. So no schools with very strong Greek systems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it feel "bad" OP?

Big party school? large impersonal campus? Recent school shootings or sex scandals? High crime area? Very homogeneous student body?

Depends on the reason.

OP here- It feels like a bad fit for a few reasons..it is a large state school when all the other schools DD looked at were small to mid-size liberal arts schools. DD is not a big party type and this school is known for great tailgating and a thriving greek life. It is an SEC school and we live right outside of Chicago. Traveling there will be less convenient than other schools she is considering. We will not be paying for a sorority so she will not be pledging. I don't think the networking will be as beneficial up here as it would if she were planning to live down south after graduation. Also, we are Catholic and really would like to see her at a Catholic college. I believe the culture will be pretty different than what she is used to and I would rather her not be looking for a new school if it can be avoided.

I was just wondering what type of parameters other parents set (if any) when their DC was looking at schools. We have been fairly specific in pointing out how the other schools she is looking at might be a better fit. She is revisiting her top three choices as an admitted student in the next few weeks so maybe she will come to that conclusion on her own. She is our oldest so this new to us.

One virtue of those big state schools is that there are all kinds of people there, not just the more immediately visible greek/tailgating kids. IMO, if she visits the top three and can clearly articulate why she wants the big state school experience, and it works financially, then let her go.

My kids are only in MS right now but they know their main constraint is cost. We can afford to pay for a VA public c
ollege (in-state). If they want to go elsewhere then they need to get merit aid to bring the cost in-line with in-state public cost, including transportation costs (DS's dream is to go to college in CA). We are not allowing them to take on debt for undergrad. Otherwise, I figure they are the best judge as to the college environment that appeals to them.

This makes sense to me, PP. She will be in the Honors College there which might have kids with similar interests/study habits. The cost is actually cheaper than the other school that we would like her to attend so that is not an issue. We got on the FB pages of those schools admitted students and the posts from the southern school kids just looked/sounded very different from her and who she is friends with now. Lots of posting with lots of pics and talk of rushing and tailgating. Her two other choices FB pages had postings from kids who sounded like she would have a lot in common (no pics at the other schools so don't know what they look like).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it feel "bad" OP?

Big party school? large impersonal campus? Recent school shootings or sex scandals? High crime area? Very homogeneous student body?

Depends on the reason.

OP here- It feels like a bad fit for a few reasons..it is a large state school when all the other schools DD looked at were small to mid-size liberal arts schools. DD is not a big party type and this school is known for great tailgating and a thriving greek life. It is an SEC school and we live right outside of Chicago. Traveling there will be less convenient than other schools she is considering. We will not be paying for a sorority so she will not be pledging. I don't think the networking will be as beneficial up here as it would if she were planning to live down south after graduation. Also, we are Catholic and really would like to see her at a Catholic college. I believe the culture will be pretty different than what she is used to and I would rather her not be looking for a new school if it can be avoided.

I was just wondering what type of parameters other parents set (if any) when their DC was looking at schools. We have been fairly specific in pointing out how the other schools she is looking at might be a better fit. She is revisiting her top three choices as an admitted student in the next few weeks so maybe she will come to that conclusion on her own. She is our oldest so this new to us.

One virtue of those big state schools is that there are all kinds of people there, not just the more immediately visible greek/tailgating kids. IMO, if she visits the top three and can clearly articulate why she wants the big state school experience, and it works financially, then let her go.

My kids are only in MS right now but they know their main constraint is cost. We can afford to pay for a VA public c
ollege (in-state). If they want to go elsewhere then they need to get merit aid to bring the cost in-line with in-state public cost, including transportation costs (DS's dream is to go to college in CA). We are not allowing them to take on debt for undergrad. Otherwise, I figure they are the best judge as to the college environment that appeals to them.

This makes sense to me, PP. She will be in the Honors College there which might have kids with similar interests/study habits. The cost is actually cheaper than the other school that we would like her to attend so that is not an issue. We got on the FB pages of those schools admitted students and the posts from the southern school kids just looked/sounded very different from her and who she is friends with now. Lots of posting with lots of pics and talk of rushing and tailgating. Her two other choices FB pages had postings from kids who sounded like she would have a lot in common (no pics at the other schools so don't know what they look like).

Yeah, I agree. The thing about the big state schools is that they attract all sorts. You can find your niche of people in a group as big as Ole Miss or Alabama or whatever. And the honors program may help with that. A friend teaches occasionally in the honors college at South Carolina, for example. It is a straight awesome program. FWIW, I think there is something to be said for getting outside your expected social comfort zone as an undergrad.

[Anonymous]

The Honors College at Alabama is wonderful. I know a few people who did that program and they had only amazing things to say about it and their college experience...not sure if that is the school you are talking about but hoping to make you feel better!

[Anonymous]

Has she done an overnight visit? Have you visited? If not and if you're able, either experience might help you feel more comfortable with this decision.

[j2415]

Hi, selecting the right college is one of the most important choices we will ever make. My son is now in sophomore and we already talk about college, some of the considerations that we are looking; if that school has good academic reputation, graduates get good jobs, offer good financial assistance plus the location. Maybe your daughter thinks that the best school for her. May be having a talk with your daughter would help.

This article that I found talks about preparing the future of our teens, it says that teens desire to make their own decisions…when it comes to making college decisions, teens want to know that the choices are their own. This article, http://bit.ly/2mbIKri, might help you. Thank you for sharing.

[Anonymous]

maybe your daughter has finally realized she's claustrophobic and if this is her only non-small option, then it is the one.